It is the Asparagus season and those of you with property on the Costa Brava will know the price in blood and pain those stone terraces have paid to give you your Asparagus Festival. But that was then and this is now. The Emperor Augustus was fond of saying "It is as easy as boiled Asparagus". But I disagree. Asparagus can go horribly wrong if you are French and much given to adding cheese to everything. Or if you are American and doing a Google to find out what Asparagus is. Or Australian and gnawing on the half cooked tail of an endangered species. Or Welsh and shagging a sheep... sorry. Right. Get a pan of boiling water. Cut the tails off of your Asparagus. Stick them in a metal sieve and plunge them in the boiling water for 90 seconds. Remove. Rest. Drizzle lightly with melted butter or Ghee. Two sprinklings of crushed sea salt and a decent crack with a black pepper mill. If you put mustard or dips anywhere near fresh asparagus you are a ******* child molester and should turn yourself in to the police. It is the Asparagus season.