Arrsing around on the train

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by once_a_maverick, Oct 15, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Great story

    Arrsing on the train

    Basically a German student got ejected from a train for smoking and not having a ticket. He then proceeded to air his discontent by sticking his bare backside against the window of the train. Unfortunately for him he did exactly that, "stuck" his backside to the window. The train then dragged him for 200 metres before depositing him in the gap between the train and the platform. He ended up in hospital with severe grazing and bruising and is awaiting charges for dangerous interference with rail traffic.
  2. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Trains- not to fuc&ed with- 10,000 tons will do you every time. (Unless youre Hancock)
  3. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    How did his arrse stick to the train? Did he have a ring diameter in the tens of centimeters that acted like a suction cup when pressed on the window? It would be a suitable explanation, because as the train moved off the involuntary panic-induced tighting of the sphincter would have made the seal that much stronger.
  4. You've studied this haven't you?
  5. Are you suggesting his hoop acted like a plunger? Jesus, he's lucky his innards didn't fall out.
  6. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    That's exactly the theory I'm presenting. Whether or not it's the truth, however, I couldn't say.

    Can you think of any other way you'd stick to a train when mooning it?
  7. Possibly he had superglue on his cheeks, but it leaves the unanswered question as to how he managed to get his kecks off. Also he must have had to jump a bit, while running backwards, to reach the window, especially as foreign railway platforms tend to be quite low.

    Must be some sort of ninja type.
  8. Perhaps his arrse was warm and the window was cold and it stuck like your hand sticking to the cold bits when de-icing the car.

    Or maybe it just managed to klingon.

    Either way I bet he wishes he hadn't cracked the window now.
  9. He's just what I need, I could stick him to the windscreen and he can hold my Tom Tom for me.
  10. Perhaps he was bumming a lift?
  11. I'm assuming there was no "Do Not Stick Sphincter To Window" notice on board, thus opening the possibility of a claim for compensation.
  12. Maybe he was an arschloch!

  13. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    A thoroughly plausible idea, especially in Germany at this time of year. He wouldn't have even had to jump for the window, since he'd have been even more likely to stick to the cold metal of the bodywork.

    Loving MT's new idea for a TomTom holder, though - you should patent that! They can do all the fiddly "programming on the move" rubbish for you as well, and use them as a hands-free kit for your phone.
  14. Maybe he should have bought [to quote the old Tunes advert] a ... 'First Ass redurn doo Notungum pleeyz'

    ... [zips up coat, turns up collar, puts on hat and fcuks off out the door]