Arrsing About In: Offices

SCoy

War Hero
#1
With view to other threads started, I'm looking for the defenitive Arrse guide to what to do when bored at work in a stereotypical office enviorment.

Obviously excluding internet based delights, except as a tool, what can Arrsers devise?

Starting off then, how about chair based delights, from straight sprints to the 'rally' course past the photocopiers.

Changing objects round or fixing them in place

Using bodily fluids in a varitey of strange and complex ways...
 
#2
Pencil Wars:

Open up a large paperclip to form a large U-shape.

Cut open an elastic band and tie/tape each end to either side of the U shape.

Take sharpened pencils and, using your hand to hold open the paper-clip/bow, bomb up and fire said pencil at your target of choice.

To avoid collateral damage, make a target out of pieces of paper, or photographs of your workmate's children.

Get a friend to participate and the Pencil Wars are on.

Cubicle Tennis:

Using two large folders, bat a large piece of screwed up paper to another player who must, in turn, bat it back.

Mark out a sufficiently tennisy playing area and Cubicle Tennis is born.

Get two more people involved for doubles or even a league system.
 
#3
one christmas we decided to have a shredder challenge seeing how many pieces we could get through, you were also given maks on style etc... passed a bit of the time
 
#4
hire an eighteen year old chav and abuse all day every day until they hand in there notice and leave.

The notice is usually given in just after you develop a soft spot for the Chav, leaving you with that slightly gutted feeling you get when the fat sweaty bird in the club turns you down.

So if anyone has a chav for hire on the south coast please PM me with details of bling and burberry.
 
#6
Slates said:
one christmas we decided to
Fcuk me, I bet its a giggle a minute in your office....

Are you the sort of fella that changes peoples screensavers to say 'Poooo'

If I worked in your office I'd lob a typrewriter at your bonce then flatten your fingers with a four hole punch
 
#8
Could we not combine staple wars, rubber band wars and pencil wars to form a highly mobile and effective expeditionary element composed of light, medium and heavy forces? Stick a computer in the middle and we have NEC.

Best not tell the MOD though as that'll be the equipment on the short list of our next procurement round.
 
#9
install nannycams in strategic locations.. load water cooler with variety of hallucinogenic drugs and while sucking on private stash of bottled water watch resulting ' work output ' on cubicle workstation...
 
#10
Get some fire extinguishers, attach them to some officer chairs. Get two chairs like this at either end of a long room, then get somebody to sit in them. Each person will have a shapened mop and a staple gun. Fire off the extinguishers and hold on, when in range stab your opponent and fire at them. Continue until there is only one survivor, an Officer Champion!!

P_R
 
#11
Supergal said:
Rubber band wars - nearer to the eye the better!!!!!!
If you're playing rubber band wars then you just have to hope no-one owns one of these:



The Rubber band gatling gun, takes 20 minutes to load with 144 rubber bands, and can be fired off in 30 seconds or so.

acp
 
#12
acp290885 said:
Supergal said:
Rubber band wars - nearer to the eye the better!!!!!!
If you're playing rubber band wars then you just have to hope no-one owns one of these:



The Rubber band gatling gun, takes 20 minutes to load with 144 rubber bands, and can be fired off in 30 seconds or so.

acp
Where can i get one of these babies?
 
#13
acp290885 said:
Supergal said:
Rubber band wars - nearer to the eye the better!!!!!!
If you're playing rubber band wars then you just have to hope no-one owns one of these:



The Rubber band gatling gun, takes 20 minutes to load with 144 rubber bands, and can be fired off in 30 seconds or so.

acp
Talk about raising the stakes. And I thought I was good using a chopstick as a launcher....
 
#14
minister_doh_nut said:
Slates said:
one christmas we decided to
Fcuk me, I bet its a giggle a minute in your office....

Are you the sort of fella that changes peoples screensavers to say 'Poooo'

If I worked in your office I'd lob a typrewriter at your bonce then flatten your fingers with a four hole punch
whats wrong with screen savers saying pooo like?
 
#15
Why say poo when you can leave much better messages like: "Im shagging your wife" "I earn more that you" "Your fired" etc
 
#16
Phoenix_Rising said:
Why say poo when you can leave much better messages like: "I’m shagging your wife" "I earn more that you" "Your fired" etc
Why be that kind when you could put in a message saying "we are sabotaging your work to get you fired!" then watch the paranoia setting in over the coming weeks
 
#18
Wrap yourself in clingfilm and drop hot wax from a large candle over your genitals before going apeshit in the office, take a hostage and make her teabag you in return for an early knock off.

fasten yourself to a wheeled chair and jetison him from the top window and watch the horrow turn to relief as you land in a 12 ton skip full of lime jelly.

Run upstairs to greet your relieved co workers with a smack found the chops with a wheel brace
 
#19
Bennett said:
Phoenix_Rising said:
Why say poo when you can leave much better messages like: "I’m shagging your wife" "I earn more that you" "Your fired" etc
Why be that kind when you could put in a message saying "we are sabotaging your work to get you fired!" then watch the paranoia setting in over the coming weeks
More simply, use pictures of David Hasslehoff, for that homsexual accusation, when your colleague leaves the machine unlocked.
 
#20
Write Help me in blood on your chest and leave steaming turds all over the office ocassionally throwing one at your co-workers after taking a bite out of it before bending your boss over a desk and reaming him with a wooden chair leg till the splinters make him bleed profusely into your mouth
 

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