Arrsehole-Stretcher and the Speed Cop.

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Dwarf, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. From an expat:

    While I was driving down the AP-7 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.

    The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronizing smirk, asked: "Runway too short"?

    To which I replied. "I'm late for work"

    To which he asked, "What do you do?"

    "I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

    The policeman was surprised and confused.

    "A what"

    "A rectum stretcher"

    "and just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

    "Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet"

    Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. "And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

    To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge..."

    Speeding ticket: €105,

    Court Costs: €45,

    Look on copper's face: Priceless....