ARRSE - the Rockape view

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
#1
Recent ARRSE threads have clearly left the gentlemen of the RAF Regiment feeling a bit unloved. One of them has suggested the following criteria for the ideal Arrser (much of which I confess I would propose as the basics for the ideal anything - rich, successful, hating politicians, don't read the Daily Mail etc):

On that site, for every 1 decent bloke, there is 9 dickheads.
To be a fully fledged member of the gang you must minimally...
Be able to report directly a bloke in a pub who said he's been in the Army, and god forbid, on an op.
The same applies to anyone who dares to wear an unearned medal.
It is also helpful to be able to point out that medals have not been mounted to the correct specifications of height etc.
Read the Telegraph, or Torygraph as they refer to it.
Never under any circumstances, read the Daily Mail unless its for research purposes to report back to the site.
Never under any circumstances read any other red top newspaper, reading The Sun is a guarantee to lose any shred of respect you may have mustered.
You must...
Own your house.
Own a garden shed. If you own 2 sheds, your kudos will rocket.
Own a flash car.
Own and run a successful business and employ plenty of staff.
You must not shop anywhere except for Marks and Spencer and Waitrose. Admitting that you shop at Tesco's will induce fits of rage.
You must hate anyone who is unemployed.
The same for anyone who lives in a council or social housing home.
You must also hate fat people with a vengeance.
You should also look very firmly down your nose at anyone who is employed in a manual job, such as street cleaners etc.
This applies to coppers and firemen.
You should eat a healthy diet with plenty of excercise so you are fit and healthy, any fat, however miniscule is a big no-no.
You must be able to sufficiently disguise your jealousy of anyone who has been or is a serving member of the RAF by saying nasty things about them.
This is the same for any other branch of the Armed Forces, with the exception of the Army.
Also hate students and the Prime Minister, regardless of who the Prime Minister is at the time.
Not forgetting of course, that you must be able to display your anger at another site member by threatening to find the site member and give his nose a good biffing, If you can't find the offender, then you must be able to display your anger by typing nasty names and such as, at the offender.
You must be outraged to the point of a coronary when people don't give soldiers the respect that arrsers demand, irrespective of whether they have earned it or not.
If you are all of the above, then you will be a perfect arrser.

Have we been captured in amber or is this just bitter and twisted ranting? In a spirit of reciprocal generosity, what makes the ideal Rockape, particularly with reference to what is considered wrong in the above list?

The full dripping horror can be seen at RockNet, the Headquarters of the RAF Regiment Network • View topic - Arrse? - a word of warning, much of the thread consists of Sunday football types, probably called Kevin, uttering inspirational phrases such as 'don't give them the satisfaction'.
 
#2
So it's a bit like Mumsnet then?

Edit:

This is a link from one of their threads
Queen's Colour Squadron Royal Albert Hall 2004 - YouTube

Errm, it might be me but, as it's the RAF, where are the red, white and blue smoke canisters that should be strapped to their boots as they do their display. That's what the RAF do, isn't it? Defence cuts or just a fuck up?
 
#6
Fuck me they have literally no sense of humour. I also note an underlying urge to pretend to be the 'Everyman', the working class heroes.
 
#7
One rock had para wings on his avatar, do they still have to do the three balloon jumps to qualify ?or is he just larging it!
Balloon descents? What ark did you just step out of?
 
Z

Zarathustra

Guest
#8
What a bunch of EFi warriors with the worlds worst line in banter, the terminally dull bellthronks.
 
D

Davetheclown

Guest
#9
The more they go on, the more chapters to my new Book I shall write, Short Range Desert Group.
 
#11
Ahhh.... The Balloon... Nothing quite like a forward somersault at 800' to start your day...

Course, the stackers, blunties and remfs here couldn't do a forward roll at zero feet...
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
Apart from one or two points, the rock ape has summed up the site very well.
I'm trying to remember the last time anyone threatened to give someone's nose a good biffing - perhaps it's some sort of code from the ACF forum? It's usually 'kick your cunt in' or something to do with lawyers or boiled eggs and barbecues.
 
Z

Zarathustra

Guest
#13
Ahhh.... The Balloon... Nothing quite like a forward somersault at 800' to start your day...

Course, the stackers, blunties and remfs here couldn't do a forward roll at zero feet...
I think you may have bitten off more than you can chew my oakley wearing, war dodging, paradigm hogging, KFC eating friend.

Do you know the bloke who took off his body armour and then shot it during "the battle of Bastion"?
 

Sixty

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#14
Apart from one or two points, the rock ape has summed up the site very well.
That was my first thought as well. The site does seem to have a disproportionate number of lithe, successful, wealthy, sporty and well educated people.

Or 'bullshitters' as we could refer to them colloquially.
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
Ahhh.... The Balloon... Nothing quite like a forward somersault at 800' to start your day...

Course, the stackers, blunties and remfs here couldn't do a forward roll at zero feet...
Though no doubt you've done plenty of sausage rolls at same.
 
#16
I agree with vanman - he pretty much hit the nail on the head! Good drills to him.

This is however an Army website (well there are perhaps a couple of us on here) and a fair amount of banter is to be expected - the inter regiment/corps rivalries are nearly as bad.

However I have met some very good Rockapes in my time - as a young cadet an AI was a shining beacon of what one should be (and no, I don't mean "a paedophile). During my last stint in Afghanistan a patrol of them looked after Mrs Ryders favourite son whilst outside Bastion on a job - so not going to knock them for that.
A few years back in Germany I met a grizzled old WO who really had been there and done all of it. Incredibly decent bloke, very knowledgable and amazingly modest. I asked a couple of questions of him about things I guessed he might have been involved in by the length of his service and it was like pulling teeth to get the answers out of him.
I later asked his boss about him (an equally grizzled Sqn Ldr) and he said the guy was the best man he had ever met in his life and an amazing soldier (yes, I know).

They are out there.

But as this is the NAAFI - because the MPGS can't deploy...
 
#18
Ahhh.... The Balloon... Nothing quite like a forward somersault at 800' to start your day...

Course, the stackers, blunties and remfs here couldn't do a forward roll at zero feet...
What year was that then, if I may ask?
 
#19
Odd that someone should try and put structure and logic to something that is abundantly clear:

The RAF is pretty awful.
Their attempt at soldiery is laughable.

The union of the two produces something laughably awful.
 

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