ARRSE - The Musical

#1
Last night I had the misfortune of having to go the theatre to see a kid’s production of West Side Story, as the wife’s nephew was in it. Yes, he is a great big whoopsy. But it got me thinking of what an ARRSE musical would be like. Would it work and what would be the story?

Would it be about Walt hunting? With the seminal song "Baron Shortt is a cunt"?
Would it be about a young lad wanting to join one of the “big four” and being ripped apart for joining the RAF Regt.?
The story of “How I held back the Russian 3rd Shock Army. Whilst pissed and shagging Boxhead cum sluts, as I pointed my trusty SLR in an Easterly direction”?
Or would it be about the continuing battle between good and evil, Regulars vs. TA?

Could we fit in a spat between Porridge Gun & Bravo_Bravo? Battling it out in a sing off?
Possibly a love serenade from 5A. With lots of aubergine coloured tumescent glands being mentioned, along with acrid, nicotine stained fingers pulling anuses apart.
Maybe have Hector Chavez, Vertical_Gyro, & smudge67er singing acapella, with Sluggy, Big_Bird, Barberella, Boozy, and the other ARRSE maidens doing backing vocals.
Jarrod singing a sad lament for his lost love, Rearwords?
Tropper would obviously get the part of God, as not only did he invent everything, they are approximately the same age.

Or would it just be about bored fuckers in work posting pointless threads in the vain hope of rising a wry grin?
 
#4
Curtains down

Footlights off

Music. Fanfare for the common man

Voice Over. Male Baritone.

"It was a cold wet night in Belfast..."

Curtains raised

Lone spotlight centre stage

Naked male arms and legs at full stretch

Music. Jesus Christ Super Star

Male: "Je...sus Christ...Sooper Star...Just who the fuck do you think you a
re?"

Spotlight off

Voice Over. Female Soprano.

"It sure was a cold wet night in Belfast"

Etc.
 
#10
Curtains down

Footlights off

Music. Fanfare for the common man

Voice Over. Male Baritone.

"It was a cold wet night in Belfast..."

Curtains raised

Lone spotlight centre stage

Naked male arms and legs at full stretch

Music. Jesus Christ Super Star

Male: "Je...sus Christ...Sooper Star...Just who the fuck do you think you a
re?"

Spotlight off

Voice Over. Female Soprano.

"It sure was a cold wet night in Belfast"

Etc.
Act 2:

"We now take you to Bosnia cira 1995"

Up curtain goes to reveal drunken squaddies in a pissy mess in a Sqn bar somewhere, singing sunshine mountain.

*Voice from audience* "I'm confused ... is this all they do in the Army?"
 
#11
ARRSE the musical could not be any worse than any of the other shite on stage.

We could have a song by the spelling and grammar Nazi's and a cameo by Mike Golden in the Walting part, this could be epic!
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
Would it be about Walt hunting? With the seminal song "Baron Shortt is a cunt"?
Thomas Ferneau the Lawyer and Owner of Nebraska gwan sue yo ass fer that one boy fer sure.

FaginAAAAAAA.jpg

In this life, medals counts
On your chest, large amounts
I'm afraid these don't grow on trees,
You've got to nick-a-medal or two

You've got to nick-a-medal or two, boys,
You've got to nick-a-medal or two.

Why should we break our backs
In boathouses and other shacks
When we can be a Papal Knight
And doss round and making up pure shite

Join the IBA today, boys
You've got to nick-a-medal or two

Any resemblance to James Shortt is purely accidental. He is a proper Baron and was in the SAS and everything.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
Could the arrse maidens do something like the 'Dance of the Cygnets' in 'Swan Lake', but wearing combats and boots?
Me and the chaps are working on our own version. That fucking Panzerknacker has got two left feet and hands like an octopus but we're getting there. Thats him second from the left.

swanlake.jpg
 

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