ARRSE - The Musical

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Miner, Sep 2, 2011.

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  1. Last night I had the misfortune of having to go the theatre to see a kid’s production of West Side Story, as the wife’s nephew was in it. Yes, he is a great big whoopsy. But it got me thinking of what an ARRSE musical would be like. Would it work and what would be the story?

    Would it be about Walt hunting? With the seminal song "Baron Shortt is a cunt"?
    Would it be about a young lad wanting to join one of the “big four” and being ripped apart for joining the RAF Regt.?
    The story of “How I held back the Russian 3rd Shock Army. Whilst pissed and shagging Boxhead cum sluts, as I pointed my trusty SLR in an Easterly direction”?
    Or would it be about the continuing battle between good and evil, Regulars vs. TA?

    Could we fit in a spat between Porridge Gun & Bravo_Bravo? Battling it out in a sing off?
    Possibly a love serenade from 5A. With lots of aubergine coloured tumescent glands being mentioned, along with acrid, nicotine stained fingers pulling anuses apart.
    Maybe have Hector Chavez, Vertical_Gyro, & smudge67er singing acapella, with Sluggy, Big_Bird, Barberella, Boozy, and the other ARRSE maidens doing backing vocals.
    Jarrod singing a sad lament for his lost love, Rearwords?
    Tropper would obviously get the part of God, as not only did he invent everything, they are approximately the same age.

    Or would it just be about bored fuckers in work posting pointless threads in the vain hope of rising a wry grin?
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  2. Well there is such a thing as Jerry Springer the Opera so why not.

    Any volunteers to write this?
  3. I'll volunteer to dress or lube up the female actresses.
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  4. Curtains down

    Footlights off

    Music. Fanfare for the common man

    Voice Over. Male Baritone.

    "It was a cold wet night in Belfast..."

    Curtains raised

    Lone spotlight centre stage

    Naked male arms and legs at full stretch

    Music. Jesus Christ Super Star

    Male: "Je...sus Christ...Sooper Star...Just who the fuck do you think you a

    Spotlight off

    Voice Over. Female Soprano.

    "It sure was a cold wet night in Belfast"

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  5. Can we have an aria, maybe "Boss of This Thread is a Cunt". I would offer to sing it, but I'm more of an Alto.
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  6. I will volunteer to be in charge of the 'Casting' couch.........
  7. Hi, I'm Koschei and I'll be reading for the role of myself. You lucky, lucky devil.
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  8. How about:

    "Verdi and Parafarrer sitting in a tree W - A - L - T - I - N - G"
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  9. Topping wheeze old chap, I say, you are,nt related to Andrew Lloyd Webbing are you?, nice chap, ugly as sin though.
  10. Act 2:

    "We now take you to Bosnia cira 1995"

    Up curtain goes to reveal drunken squaddies in a pissy mess in a Sqn bar somewhere, singing sunshine mountain.

    *Voice from audience* "I'm confused ... is this all they do in the Army?"
  11. ARRSE the musical could not be any worse than any of the other shite on stage.

    We could have a song by the spelling and grammar Nazi's and a cameo by Mike Golden in the Walting part, this could be epic!
  12. Inappropriate apostrophe usage. Don't make me get the Grammar-Einsatzgruppen on you... :threaten:
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  13. Also there has to be a song about "The second man on the Balcony"
  14. Arrse: the musical? If it ever happened, it would make the plot line of The Producers look sensible.
  15. At what point would the Padre appear, and ban us all from the stage?