ARRSE Terrorists

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Biped, Jan 18, 2008.

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  1. Yes, we are the VBIED of terrorism! allah akbar!

  2. We only frighten small children, sometimes.

  3. We eat small furry animals, and are thus, bad.

  4. We merely reflect the ills of the world, and carry guns.

  5. Come into my cellar . . . I have cake.

  1. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    We have been accused in a couple of threads of not only assisting terrorists, but also of being, in effect, terrorists ourselves.

    So, fellow esteemed ARRSERS . . .

    Are these hallowed pages populated by posts from jihaddies, provo, BNP or left wing terrorists?

    If we where to terrorise the world at large, who would we terrorise, why, and how? Who would make the best terrorist?
  2. I think we should terrorise the Liabour party.

    Using SVEN to distract them into debate and have MDN sneak up and do each one as he thinks fit. Could go on for days whilst he has so much fun. :D
  3. We will be bring national socialism and rule the world and free it off all poofs, chavs, extremists twats, anyone from the middle east and that big country to the west of us that is filled with cnuts. We will turn sweden into ARRSE island and "cleanse" it off all munters and other men that we may have to compete with so we dont feel insecure you see, we will get 2 weeks R&R there every 3 weeks. Why? for fun ofcourse.
    *edit* the Mods and admin get 1st dibs on country of choice, but Im having china, still some err stuff i need to try their...
  4. I certainly have plenty of material knocking around that would be "articles likely to be useful to a person committing or preparing an act of terrorism".

    OS maps of military training areas, local maps and directions to military bases, books on counterinsurgency techniques, various assorted uniforms and an ID-card that could allow me to pretend to be in the Army (hang on ...)

    Oh, and weaponry various, a bad attitude and psychotic tendencies :threaten:
  5. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    I have a deep, deep and abiding loathery of parking wardens.

    I would like to stalk them to their homes, stand around outside in the street wearing stupid uniform and hat, with an SAS belt-kit with all sorts of pointless electronic gadgetry, pens, water bottles, porn mags and stuff in the pouches, whilst nodding and waving to invisible friends, holding a notepad in one hand, and a mobile phone to my ear with the other (to dissuade people from kicking my deserving face in, in case I'm talking no the phone to the rozzers), whilst using some ingenuity to get the cnuts to pay me some money for non-crimes, for no other reason than I want some money.

    If they fail to see I'm waddling around because of the weight of the much-needed streetfighting equipment hung around my fat, lardy waste, or the look of self importance scrawled across my ruddy, stupid looking face, and thus, give me some money that I don't deserve, then I'll call my pikey mate, with his grab lorry, and haul THEIR cars off to some crushing machine.

    After breaking all their windows.
  6. Ive got long hair, a penchant for wearing platform shoes and I like to cover my room in sh*t. Am I a terrorist?
  7. Dad?
  8. "I Kill you"
  9. Well it looks like the average ARRSEr is more of a subterranean cake scoffer than actual terrorists. Although I have occasionally thought modern terrorists go in for grandstanding showy crap rather than actually spreading terror.
  10. Son! Now that your back nip round to Jezza Adam's for me and tell him thanks for offer of the chicken curry but I will pass :D
  11. Prime targets to terrorise? Here’s a few to be getting on with...

    Chav's, peado's, People who kick other people's heads in whilst they try to protect their family from harassment;("Yoof's," I believe they are called); HSE Nazi's who actively seek to degrade society into a quivering cowering mess, too afraid to do anything remotely outrageous such as throw a pantomime using imitation "weapons" and "do gooders," who fight tooth and nail for all of the afore mentioned parties to carry on with what they are doing -because to stand up against them is a breach of their human rights- thereby compounding the problem. I'm sorry, please do carry on intimidating the good and the honest. Please do continue to throw stones at ambulance and fire crews; they obviously gave up their human rights when they chose a life of service. Oh, and last for now, the husband of that slammin' hottie who gets on my train. I'd be her rock :roll: in his absence 8)

    I'm sure i've read it on here somewhere, or if not I’ve obviously thought of it in one of my less civilised outings into society and the idea has manifested itself in the form of a memory instead of an idea, but i am all for buying a small island somewhere, and using it as a human dumping ground. Much as Australia was in days of old. Only, here’s the genius part of the memory/idea. Live firing ranges, targets WILL fall when hit. THATS the bit that was missing from the whole Australia dealy! Stick that up your pipe and smoke it human rights courts!

    Apart from the initial cost of the island there is NO downside!
    Live firing range packages complete with battlefield inoculation, less prisons crowded with "misguided yoof's," and ridiculous HSE banished. the streets are safer; pantomime is pantomime and I get laid. :D

    Rant over, after all this is the NAAFI bar and I wouldn't want to get too serious!
  12. I'm a terrorist and so is my wife.

    We love strolling around foreign countries, moaning about the food and taking pointless photos of everyday objects. The locals hate us but smile sweetly whilst spitting in our dinner.

    Oh, hang on ... that's tourists isn't it.

    Anyway, I actually do have cake in my cellar - one of those Panatone things in a big tin that I got off a neighbour for Christmas.

    Do I win a prize?
  13. Of the four, the BNP are the only ones that seem to haunt the place like a bad smell. The rest turn up briefly, spout some badly informed and worse thought-out crap gleaned from the latest issue of 'Those Other Folk Are The Baddies' magazine, get shot down in flames and bugger off sharpish.

    Who?: Chavs. Simply no doubt about it.

    Why?: That should be bloody obvious.

    How?: I'd start with turning their own tactics against them - making them fear for the safety of their families and the security of their property; blight their communities: invade and disrupt their everyday lives with no though for the effects of my behaviour on their quality of life; subtract the cost of repairing the damage from their disposable income; and restrict their freedom of choice at every stage.

    Then I'd impale them on rusty spikes for the birds to peck at and set fire to their genitals.

    Who would make the best terrorist?: Well, seeing as they would need to have a fiendish talent for evil, a dogmatic political outlook and the ability to reduce a whole nation to ruin with their deeds, I think it's safe to say he's already running the country.
  14. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Only if you manage to get some weak and defenseless 'civilian' into said cellar, under the guise of giving them cake, before giving them the 'good news' with a small, malformed MDN, before releasing them back on to the streets, thoroughly terrorised, but greatful to, and in love with you, to stop the police shooting you. What's that handy hostage syndrome called?
  15. My mom told me that its called "where babies come from."