ARRSE Stores - Kit & Vehicle Issue

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hard-Stop, May 24, 2013.

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    Well, since the original "State of ARRSE" thread was deleted, so was my inventory of ARRSE goodies... so I've decided to put the collection back together (with a few added ones as well).

    I can't remember the exact descriptions from last time, so I've written them out again. Everything is free to hire-out and use, just don't break anything or you'll be the one fixing it... in your own time.


    The Outrage Fleet

    The Outragemobile
    Manned and maintained by 3PARA Mortar Platoon during downtime (well, I feel sorry for them as they don't have much else to do) this vehicle is often hired out by individual ARRSErs who either have a grudge to settle or who are terribly angry over some sort of bullshit news story. Capable of maximum outrage in only 10 seconds, it truly is a high performance vehicle. Always the first vehicle in convoy, it's beautiful pink paint scares off ragheads and children alike.


    The Outrage Bus
    Similar to the Outragemobile, but with a much larger capacity for outrage. This bus is probably the most used vehicle in the fleet - it is often manned by large amounts of members who feel the need to express how angry they are at *something* by repeatedly smashing their keyboards with their fists and screaming "MY OPINION IS MATTER TO PEOPLE." The bus can sometimes be used by a more "normal" set of users, often taken on tour - days such as Remembrance Day (and other times when hunting season for walts, numpties and politicians are upon us) are generally considered days when the bus should be given a good wash and polish.


    The "Ice Cream Van" Bus
    Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a bus that's thinks it's a fucking van. This vehicle is regularly used by the more cunning/sarcastic ARRSErs who enjoy a good wind up. This bus is often taken on tour to other websites, with the aforementioned ARRSErs infiltrating the existing membership. Once these bastards have given their victim(s) a false sense of security, with a promise of ice cream, sweets and puppies... they jump on the balcony and launch their assault, generally insulting the victim’s mother and making them look a right tit. Can often be found re-fueling in Waltenkommando.


    The Battle Bus
    The old & bold of ARRSE - this vehicle is used by members who are generally of-an-age, angry and (probably) have a pacemaker fitted. The Battle Bus is decked out with all kinds of old shit that they've picked up on various battlefields over the years. None of it actually works, because the senile cunts can't remember how to fix or operate any of it. Upon it's approach, most people shit themselves because of how frightening it looks, however this is short lived, as they soon discover those on board have fallen asleep, dribbling into their soup. BUS FACT: there is always 1 person on-board who is talking about the ESS ELL ARGH. The more you know ---*
    (Yes, that is an SA80 you can see front of top deck – the other thing is banned from my fleet. Worry not, because it's an A1 variant, so is just as useless as the other shit on the bus).


    The Dictator Bus
    Manned by the belovéd admin & mod team. No one truly knows what goes on inside this magical self-lowering bus and quite frankly I don't think anyone really gives a fuck. This is the only one of the buses that kept it's nice shiny wheels to add a little bit of bling and "I'm a show-off cunt" factor to it. This bus has a lot of mileage on it and comes with an in-built phone, which often rings when users wish to cry about being called a poof.


    The Sock Tours Van
    Manned by those who think it's hilarious to create "sock puppet" accounts and troll the fuck out of others. Whilst there have been some successful (and rather amusing) sock puppets, most are generally considered window-licking mongs who have failed at life. Occupants of this vehicle are considered valid targets, just don't hit my van because these LDV things are getting hard to find.


    The Luxury Executive Sports Motor Vehicle for the Benefit of Fat Cunts and Weak Creatures
    This here vehicle is hired out to all those who seem to post a million times a day, all around the board, with pointless drivel. With the amount of mileage they clock up every day, they need transport to get round the whole board. Upon sighting this vehicle, other ARRSErs should shout CUNT CUNT CUNT and immediately begin CBRN drills to avoid the toxic shite being spewed from it. Also used for quick getaways by weak fuckers who need to reach the log out button as quickly as possible, because they feel abused.


    Issue Equipment

    The Wah Shield - Version Y2K
    He's back and he's ready to defend you from silly mistakes. The Wah Shield can be deployed by members who risk falling into traps. This shield should be used as intended and is not for hitting other users/sledging during snow - anyone caught doing this will be sent to bed with no dinner.


    Capbadges, TRFs and Logo Stuff

    Mr. Mushroomhead (Hard Stop's interpretation)
    My re-design of the little man, in MTP. Some liked it, others didn't... it's part of the inventory either way.


    Requests for Kit

    Should anyone want to request a piece of equipment or a vehicle, then they may do so by filling out a quick reply. Some things can be easy to do, others require time, so you may get through several brews before delivery.

    Any requests for boots or ESS ELL ARGHs will be met with "Get orf my laaand" and the sound of a shotgun being cocked.

    In Progress: ARRSE TRFs
    Future Kit/Vehicles in Planning: None

    At the moment I'm only allowed to have 11 images per-post, so I can't update this specific post with anything new. Hopefully that will change, but if not I will post any updates with links instead.
    • Like Like x 4
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. Who are you?
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Excellent,and not one mention of shell suit attired,thievin',bin dipping,smack heads from,where was it now?
  4. I've no idea but I bet he plays World of Warcraft
  5. An 8'x6' sustainable ARRSE HQ with serving hatch and accessories?

    and a 6'x4' FOB ditto.
  6. Where do we leave dhobi bundles?
  7. The battle bus seems to have picked up an SF paedophile.
    • Like Like x 2
  8. Where's HMS Abuser?
  9. No where near me thanks very much
  10. Can I suggest
    A mess Webley,
    A mess SLR, to be certain,
    A mess SA80 for cries for help
    A mess Nebwelfeur for the occasional, but spectacular, meltdown (apologies for the spelling)
  11. Way too much time on his hands.
  12. cho mọi người thấy những gì?
  13. ACF forum dockyard.