ARRSE Scary Movie - Don't Go Into The Woods Alone.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by The_Snail, Jun 7, 2013.

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  1. Say, for instance, we were all teenagers again and went on a camping holiday in the woods (which are obviously full of zombies/vampires and stuff). Which arrsers would you take with you and why? You're allowed 5.

    I'm taking:

    maguire - because he'd squish them.
    Putties - because he'd build us a bar.
    Bootiful - because she'd be our mam.
    Zara - because he's make the zombies do drill and stuff before they got near us.
    Jarrod - because he'd say "What the fuck are you doing near my tent you pale faced blood sucking cunt".

    Just asking like.
  2. Zero-Over will be in the bushes with my handbag, smerking my tabs and checking if my lipstick suits him. You have to choose another.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Fair Maid of Perth - She can run like the wind so can decoy them all away from me
    Markintime- He can lead them into a debate so longwinded they will bash their own heads in and drive stakes through their own hearts
    FrosteeMaria- She drank all of my beer and deserves to die!
    Tiny Lewis- As he has a deactivated SLR and thats still better than a real rifle!!
    Whet- In case i cant run fast enough to get away so i can rely on his sleepiness to give them something to gnaw on.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. You're nothing to me now

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
    • Like Like x 1
  5. To clarify, is this a holiday-only scenario, or are we actually going to get attacked by zombies/serial killers/scousers?

    Because my choices will be different depending on the situation.
  6. Dingerr - even I can run away faster than him.

    Markintime - would be able to argue the zombie into a catatonic state

    Jarrod - he's a nurse so if I get a splinter or such like then he can fix it

    Whet - Someone has to be the first to have their brains eaten
  7. You're allowed one more. MiT doesn't count as 2.
    • Like Like x 3
  8. OK, I've re-read the original post.

    I'd take JJH, for obvious reasons.
    I'd take Puttees, as apparently he can provide a bar
    I'd take three females. Pictures and chest measurements by PM, please.

    Not going to delay them very long though, is it?
    • Like Like x 4
  9. Mattb has already bagged JJH and his enormous pile of weapons.

    So it will have to be Mattb (so long as he brings JJH along with him).
  10. OK, but you're only allowed one of the sluts.

    I'm keeping two for threesome/spare-if-one-gets-brutally-murdered/putting-the-tea-on-while-shagging-the-other purposes.
  11. He thinks he's getting Puttees as well. Dream on fucko.
  12. Any site lezzers (can't say how many as they're clearly not thick on the ground around here)

    Fair Maid of Perth - Ticks the 'Tidy MILF' box :nod:

    Markintime - If we're getting chased, old wheezy will get if first

    Chef - Cos I'm a lazy cunt and he can do all the cooking. The lezzers can wash-up

    Any female ARRSEr's with tidy arses
  13. How the fuck is that going to protect you from zombies and vampires? It's not a fucking tea party.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. OK, well are there any other ARRSErs who can build a bar?

    I'm not fucking Kerry_RLC sober, FFS.