ARRSE Scary Movie - Don't Go Into The Woods Alone.

#1
Say, for instance, we were all teenagers again and went on a camping holiday in the woods (which are obviously full of zombies/vampires and stuff). Which arrsers would you take with you and why? You're allowed 5.

I'm taking:

maguire - because he'd squish them.
Putties - because he'd build us a bar.
Bootiful - because she'd be our mam.
Zara - because he's make the zombies do drill and stuff before they got near us.
Jarrod - because he'd say "What the fuck are you doing near my tent you pale faced blood sucking cunt".

Just asking like.
 
#2
Biscuits_AB- (The ex monkey one) because he would fit the zombies up before they ever got within 100 meters
Sausage dog- because hes done porridge and knows how to use a shank
Badger_heed- because if any of the Zombies were TA in their former life he could do some serious damage to their self esteem
Zero Over and Porridge Gun- because more than likely they would be able to make the zombies throw their teddies out of their proverbial prams and storm off.
Zero-Over will be in the bushes with my handbag, smerking my tabs and checking if my lipstick suits him. You have to choose another.
 
S

syledis

Guest
#3
Fair Maid of Perth - She can run like the wind so can decoy them all away from me
Markintime- He can lead them into a debate so longwinded they will bash their own heads in and drive stakes through their own hearts
FrosteeMaria- She drank all of my beer and deserves to die!
Tiny Lewis- As he has a deactivated SLR and thats still better than a real rifle!!
Whet- In case i cant run fast enough to get away so i can rely on his sleepiness to give them something to gnaw on.
 
#4
Say, for instance, we were all teenagers again and went on a camping holiday in the woods (which are obviously full of zombies/vampires and stuff). Which arrsers would you take with you and why? You're allowed 5.

I'm taking:

maguire - because he'd squish them.
Putties - because he'd build us a bar.
Bootiful - because she'd be our mam.
Zara - because he's make the zombies do drill and stuff before they got near us.
Jarrod - because he'd say "What the fuck are you doing near my tent you pale faced blood sucking cunt".

Just asking like.
You're nothing to me now

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
 
#5
To clarify, is this a holiday-only scenario, or are we actually going to get attacked by zombies/serial killers/scousers?


Because my choices will be different depending on the situation.
 
#6
#7
Dingerr - even I can run away faster than him.

Markintime - would be able to argue the zombie into a catatonic state

Jarrod - he's a nurse so if I get a splinter or such like then he can fix it

Whet - Someone has to be the first to have their brains eaten
 
#8
Dingerr - even I can run away faster than him.

Markintime - would be able to argue the zombie into a catatonic state

Jarrod - he's a nurse so if I get a splinter or such like then he can fix it

Whet - Someone has to be the first to have their brains eaten
You're allowed one more. MiT doesn't count as 2.
 
#9
OK, I've re-read the original post.

I'd take JJH, for obvious reasons.
I'd take Puttees, as apparently he can provide a bar
I'd take three females. Pictures and chest measurements by PM, please.


Whet - Someone has to be the first to have their brains eaten
Not going to delay them very long though, is it?
 
#10
You're allowed one more. MiT doesn't count as 2.
Mattb has already bagged JJH and his enormous pile of weapons.

So it will have to be Mattb (so long as he brings JJH along with him).
 
#11
OK, but you're only allowed one of the sluts.


I'm keeping two for threesome/spare-if-one-gets-brutally-murdered/putting-the-tea-on-while-shagging-the-other purposes.
 
#12
Mattb has already bagged JJH and his enormous pile of weapons.

So it will have to be Mattb (so long as he brings JJH along with him).
He thinks he's getting Puttees as well. Dream on fucko.
 
#13
Any site lezzers (can't say how many as they're clearly not thick on the ground around here)

Fair Maid of Perth - Ticks the 'Tidy MILF' box :nod:

Markintime - If we're getting chased, old wheezy will get if first

Chef - Cos I'm a lazy cunt and he can do all the cooking. The lezzers can wash-up

Any female ARRSEr's with tidy arses
 
#14
Any site lezzers (can't say how many as they're clearly not thick on the ground around here)

Fair Maid of Perth - Ticks the 'Tidy MILF' box :nod:

Markintime - If we're getting chased, old wheezy will get if first

Chef - Cos I'm a lazy cunt and he can do all the cooking. The lezzers can wash-up

Any female ARRSEr's with tidy arses
How the fuck is that going to protect you from zombies and vampires? It's not a fucking tea party.
 
D

Davetheclown

Guest
#16
hmm


JJH- John Wayne had nothing on this dude
Alec Lomas- he has a cheeky background
Brotherton_Lad- can drive whilst wearing jersey heavy wool and not get a sweat on,
Joker-** whatever his number is ( how do activate the number keypad?) formula 1 egg mechanic
Ord_Sgt- put a wick in his mouth and have a alcohol lamp that would take years to go out.
 
#17
I'll take,

Mrs Mac obviously

Joker to do cooking and pan-bashing (Probably come up with a recipe for zombie bolognese)

Scoobs because she's a scary little midget

Jarrod for first aid and brufin, also the ability to find alkyhole anywhere in a 2 mile radius

And last of all, either Sluggy or Trans as the unfortunate but inevitable one who will have to be heroically sacrificed to the zombies/vampires/werewolves with appropriately emotional farewell speech (If it's Sluggy change that to incoherent speech, if it's Trans change it to a dull speech where the audience will be pleading for his gruesome death)

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
 
#18
hmm


JJH- John Wayne had nothing on this dude
Alec Lomas- he has a cheeky background
Brotherton_Lad- can drive whilst wearing jersey heavy wool and not get a sweat on,
Joker-** whatever his number is ( how do activate the number keypad?) formula 1 egg mechanic
Ord_Sgt- put a wick in his mouth and have a alcohol lamp that would take years to go out.
I've told you, it's not a picnic. Zombies and vampires and flying monkeys are coming to get you.

Admittedly JJH would see them off, but he'd be with me after maguire shat himself and ran away like a librarian.

I therefore replace maguire with JJH, and it's my game, so there.
 
D

Davetheclown

Guest
#19
I've told you, it's not a picnic. Zombies and vampires and flying monkeys are coming to get you.

Admittedly JJH would see them off, but he'd be with me after maguire shat himself and ran away like a librarian.

I therefore replace maguire with JJH, and it's my game, so there.

BOOO HIISSSSS

frostee Maria then, I will tell her the zombies said she looks fat, and hide her chocolit,
 

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
#20
how very dare you.

I have never shat myself...especially not after a dodgy kebab one night at work in 2005. :(
 

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