The day before yesterday I ate "Falsche Hase" (German meatloaf with boiled eggs banged up it's arse) with spuds and sauteed chard. I noticed yesterday that all my turds were floaters! Yesterday I ate leftover Falsche Hase, spuds and green beans, I was expecting a similar outcome, but no, If I were to march them down to the Navy recruiting office, all my turds today would qualify for submarine service selection. Why? Never mind all them muons and antiprotons whirling around the Swiss French border and never mind all that nuclear fusion malarky, there's some fundamental science to be done here in our fundaments! I challenge the NAAFI bar to resolve the following urgent scientific questions! Can we determine a guaranteed floater recipie whichdoes not involve polystyrene? Aside from eating lead shot, what will guarantee a sinker? Which cunt ties fishing line to the bog roll and then pulls it, giggling, under the bog door after the first splash?