Arrse poetry

#1
I have looked at the eighty or so other threads which might be suitable for this, but none of them seem to be. Every now and then, an Arrser writes a poem which captures the mood of a thread, not one of those "iv wrote a poem, wat do u think" affairs, but one where the poster wishes to convey a message, and poetry offers the medium. The other day, Arte_et_Marte wrote what I thought was an hilarious poem which can be best understood in the context of the thread it was in; read and enjoy.

My Water Bottle is Tactical Red.

Please post only links to original poems, on ARRSE, in their original settings.
 
#3
What a shame that no one replied to this post.
It is really, but it's nice to find that I have got so under your skin that you feel the need to stalk me across threads, despite your claims that you were going to put me on ignore. Please stay and play a while longer than you did as Westpoint, as I find reading your pathetic posts cheers me up.
 
#4
It is really, but it's nice to find that I have got so under your skin that you feel the need to stalk me across threads, despite your claims that you were going to put me on ignore. Please stay and play a while longer than you did as Westpoint, as I find reading your pathetic posts cheers me up.
Don't worry about it, the idiot is arguing with everybody.

It's like having and extra mother in law.
 
#7
I have looked at the eighty or so other threads which might be suitable for this, but none of them seem to be. Every now and then, an Arrser writes a poem which captures the mood of a thread, not one of those "iv wrote a poem, wat do u think" affairs, but one where the poster wishes to convey a message, and poetry offers the medium.
Please post only links to original poems, on ARRSE, in their original settings.
In Helmandi fields, the poppies grow,
Between the dogends, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The RAF still, occasionally fly
Scarce heard amid the bumping gums below.
...
We are the grunts. Short days ago
We had a day off stag, saw the burns pit glow,
Went on Facebook, and now we lie
Sweaty and in uber clip, in Helmandi fields.

Take up our quarrel with the net so slow:
To you from failing hands we throw
A bulging wag bag; be yours to hold it high.
Lest ye break faith with us who love stag pie.
There's talk of GLE, though poppies grow
In Helamdi fields.
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#8
It was the night before payday
But he wasn't alone
In an 8 man tent
Not plaster and stone

I unzipped the flap
to give news before leaving
and dick some poor squaddie
for guard duty that evening

I looked all about
the usual sight I did see
No tinsel, no presents
just a feint smell of wee

No wanksock by mantel
Just bags filled with sand.
to keep out the water
when it rains in Helmand

With gash bags, and brew kit
cheap rugs of all kind
A sober thought
Came through my mind.

this tent was no different
It was dark and dreary
I found the home of a soldier
Once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping
silent, alone
Curled up on his campcot
In this 8 personed home

His fat face was rotund
The room in disorder
Now that I pictured
A true TA soldier

Was this the retard
Of whom I'd just read
he failed his PFT
cos he was sponsored by Greggs

Probably.....wake up you slack ****, you're on stag
 
#10
It was the night before payday
But he wasn't alone
In an 8 man tent
Not plaster and stone

I unzipped the flap
to give news before leaving
and dick some poor squaddie
for guard duty that evening

I looked all about
the usual sight I did see
No tinsel, no presents
just a feint smell of wee

No wanksock by mantel
Just bags filled with sand.
to keep out the water
when it rains in Helmand

With gash bags, and brew kit
cheap rugs of all kind
A sober thought
Came through my mind.

this tent was no different
It was dark and dreary
I found the home of a soldier
Once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping
silent, alone
Curled up on his campcot
In this 8 personed home

His fat face was rotund
The room in disorder
Now that I pictured
A true TA soldier

Was this the retard
Of whom I'd just read
he failed his PFT
cos he was sponsored by Greggs

Probably.....wake up you slack ****, you're on stag
I say again, Poetry, just ******* NO!!!!!!!!
 
#11
I know, 'tis shit, as I lifted offen another Website............

As I was walking through St. Paul's
The politician grabbed me by the balls.
I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
And so he grabbed my balls again.

As I was walking through the wood
I shat myself; I knew I would.
I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
And so I shat myself again.

As I was lying in the grass,
Some Lord from parliament rammed it up my ass.
I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
And so they rammed it up my ass again.

As I was walking through St. Giles's
The TV personality grabbed me by my piles.
I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
And so he grabbed my piles again.

Time for my morning Meds and coffee........:dance:
 

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