Arrse poetry

Discussion in 'Poetry Corner' started by Joe_Private, Dec 17, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I have looked at the eighty or so other threads which might be suitable for this, but none of them seem to be. Every now and then, an Arrser writes a poem which captures the mood of a thread, not one of those "iv wrote a poem, wat do u think" affairs, but one where the poster wishes to convey a message, and poetry offers the medium. The other day, Arte_et_Marte wrote what I thought was an hilarious poem which can be best understood in the context of the thread it was in; read and enjoy.

    My Water Bottle is Tactical Red.

    Please post only links to original poems, on ARRSE, in their original settings.
  2. What a shame that no one replied to this post.
  3. It is really, but it's nice to find that I have got so under your skin that you feel the need to stalk me across threads, despite your claims that you were going to put me on ignore. Please stay and play a while longer than you did as Westpoint, as I find reading your pathetic posts cheers me up.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Don't worry about it, the idiot is arguing with everybody.

    It's like having and extra mother in law.
    • Like Like x 3
  5. What news from the siege of Ladysmith?
    • Like Like x 1
  6. The whole defence could have been run better by a gang of boy scouts.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. In Helmandi fields, the poppies grow,
    Between the dogends, row on row,
    That mark our place; and in the sky
    The RAF still, occasionally fly
    Scarce heard amid the bumping gums below.
    We are the grunts. Short days ago
    We had a day off stag, saw the burns pit glow,
    Went on Facebook, and now we lie
    Sweaty and in uber clip, in Helmandi fields.

    Take up our quarrel with the net so slow:
    To you from failing hands we throw
    A bulging wag bag; be yours to hold it high.
    Lest ye break faith with us who love stag pie.
    There's talk of GLE, though poppies grow
    In Helamdi fields.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. It was the night before payday
    But he wasn't alone
    In an 8 man tent
    Not plaster and stone

    I unzipped the flap
    to give news before leaving
    and dick some poor squaddie
    for guard duty that evening

    I looked all about
    the usual sight I did see
    No tinsel, no presents
    just a feint smell of wee

    No wanksock by mantel
    Just bags filled with sand.
    to keep out the water
    when it rains in Helmand

    With gash bags, and brew kit
    cheap rugs of all kind
    A sober thought
    Came through my mind.

    this tent was no different
    It was dark and dreary
    I found the home of a soldier
    Once I could see clearly.

    The soldier lay sleeping
    silent, alone
    Curled up on his campcot
    In this 8 personed home

    His fat face was rotund
    The room in disorder
    Now that I pictured
    A true TA soldier

    Was this the retard
    Of whom I'd just read
    he failed his PFT
    cos he was sponsored by Greggs

    Probably.....wake up you slack ****, you're on stag
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Not as good as the Vogon stuff.
  10. I say again, Poetry, just ******* NO!!!!!!!!
  11. I know, 'tis shit, as I lifted offen another Website............

    As I was walking through St. Paul's
    The politician grabbed me by the balls.
    I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
    And so he grabbed my balls again.

    As I was walking through the wood
    I shat myself; I knew I would.
    I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
    And so I shat myself again.

    As I was lying in the grass,
    Some Lord from parliament rammed it up my ass.
    I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
    And so they rammed it up my ass again.

    As I was walking through St. Giles's
    The TV personality grabbed me by my piles.
    I cried for "HELP!" but no help came.
    And so he grabbed my piles again.

    Time for my morning Meds and coffee........:dance: