Arrse News Feed - put it here

#1
I'm a spectacularly opaque but busy executive. I'm a cross between Malcolm Tucker and Dr Watson. Keeping up with Arrse has been a nightmare, and my PA refuses to produce a daily digest.

Therefore could I ask that the edited hilights go here for the benefit of one and all as an Arrse News Feed? Not the intrigue and the post and counter-post, but the facts. Here's what I mean:

The Nigger/Paki thread - absolute mong-flypaper. But who has it claimed? Lists please.
5A - has he gone or is he back? Why did this happen and why is this important?
Resignations. When someone turns turtle and pokes off, i.e. Western and Tropper I'd like to be pointed to the relevant meltdown for a good giggle.
Who the latest Roland Friesler/Alf Garnett/Nigel Farage clone is and where he's posting.

I'm all up for a sort of court and social section at the end but frankly I find all the gastropods/molluscs stuff a bit confusing.

This will enable me to stay current without having to give a shit about the ACF, medals, why some chav thinks I should love a certain football team, and JPA. Posted at this time to avoid being liked because that's just gay and they pretend to be PMs.

Loose Minute format preferred. Many thanks and get to it.
 
#2
I'm a spectacularly opaque but busy executive. I'm a cross between Malcolm Tucker and Dr Watson. Keeping up with Arrse has been a nightmare, and my PA refuses to produce a daily digest.


The Nigger/Paki thread - absolute mong-flypaper. But who has it claimed? Lists please.
.
That's it Bye Bye.
 
#4
Verbatim quoting of a BCO thread whilst adding that I think it will attract mongs? I don't think so. To the back of the queue with you and I note that your staples weren't at 45 degrees to the apex of the paper. I wouldn't hold out much hope for your next OJAR.
Would you care to borrow the mess webley sir?

Please?
 
#8
We interupt this program to bring you a breaking news story...reports are coming in that an Australian man wearing tight budgie smuggler shorts and a vest and a possibly autistic man known only by his online name of "Camberwell Carrot" have been witnessed engaging in what seems to be Greco Roman wrestling in the arrivals lounge of Quantas Airlines Heathrow.

Reports are sketchy at this time but eye witnesses report that a large bottle of olive oil was splashed about on the tiled floor of the airport concorse after which they began to grapple with each other in a manner that was described by one eye witness as being "rather homo-erotic".

Witnesses have at this time reported that British Transport Police intervened to seperate the two men and that shouts of "I love you Bruce" and "You want me inside you you big pommie bitch" were heard across the concorse as the two men were restrained and taken into custody.

We shall return with developments to this story as they emerge.
 
#9
We interupt this program to bring you a breaking news story...reports are coming in that an Australian man wearing tight budgie smuggler shorts and a vest and a possibly autistic man known only by his online name of "Camberwell Carrot" have been witnessed engaging in what seems to be Greco Roman wrestling in the arrivals lounge of Quantas Airlines Heathrow.

Reports are sketchy at this time but eye witnesses report that a large bottle of olive oil was splashed about on the tiled floor of the airport concorse after which they began to grapple with each other in manner that was described by one eye witness as being "rather homo-erotic".

Witnesses have at this time reported that British Transport Police intervened to seperate the two men and that shouts of "I love you Bruce" and "You want me inside you you big pommie bitch" were heard across the concorse as the two men were restrained and taken into custody.

We shall return with developments to this story as they emerge.
oh dear mr buzz, can you vouch for 1001?
 
#11
Shush now my Antipodean stud muffin.

Just you keep whispering the the cardinal points of Australian Rules Football into Carrots delicate and girl like shell of an ear as you gingerly ease your thrush infested bell end into his rusty bullet hole.

He will thank you afterwards for being ever so gentle with your first sexual partner that isn't the be-headed corpse of a student backpacker you picked up hitch hiking in the outback.
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
#14
Dark socks with 'shorts'? A fashion no-no dear boy.
Any socks with shorts FFS, unless it's part of a school uniform (which still seems ridiculous)
 
#15
Dark socks with 'shorts'? A fashion no-no dear boy.
He's a Queenslander FFS, fashion there consists of AC/DC T-shirts, grease stained cut off jeans and a pair of jandals (Flip flops to youse.), fag hanging from gob and a can of VB in a foam stubby holder almost optional.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#18
He's a Queenslander FFS, fashion there consists of AC/DC T-shirts, grease stained cut off jeans and a pair of jandals (Flip flops to youse.), fag hanging from gob and a can of VB in a foam stubby holder almost optional.
Actually from Newcastle originally. (The real one just north of Sydney)
 
#19
He's a Queenslander FFS, fashion there consists of AC/DC T-shirts, grease stained cut off jeans and a pair of jandals (Flip flops to youse.), fag hanging from gob and a can of VB in a foam stubby holder almost optional.
And that's the Diggers' Parade Uniform :wink:

Edit to add:

Jandals? Youse? Are you a Kiwi walting it as an Ocker?
 
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