ARRSE Nativity

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by smallbrownprivates, Dec 12, 2005.

?
  1. yes

    44.1%
  2. no

    22.1%
  3. going blind thinking about it

    33.8%

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  1. Right, christmas coming goose getting stuffed etc etc. About time we did something for the kids, charity or whatever

    Picture the scene, a packed school hall, every one jammed together shoulder to shoulder, proud parents with video cameras and mini spotlight blinding the junior school band. Little johnny's asbo brothers about to kick off etc etc

    Everything goes quiet... the show is about to begin.

    The curtain pulls back and there's our play's narrator.... RTFQ complete in DPM thong with a bit of festive mistletoe. :lol:

    a single spot light focus's on centre stage, and a huddled humping group....

    'Here high on the hills above SENTA Range J, a group of range wardens fiddled with their flocks bi nightly as another checkfire reigned over the impact area. suddenly a great light was seen ( and a thwocking sound ) and two voices were heard floating in the ether/rain clouds above'

    -" no flasheart, i'm flying the bl**dy chopper, you get on the skyshout to those belmers with their trousers rounds their ankles"

    -"p*ss off MDN, I'm the MOD and you know that sort better than me"

    -"Fcuk.....right you lot, listen in. There's some tart in a range shed near here whose been overcome by the holy spirit (or some arrser in a ski mask and sheet.) She's going to sprog and the little barsteward's going to be really important. get down there and fill him in first.....

    Right. That's the start. to continue:

    Which nativity character are you?

    Why?

    What are you doing and where?

    and if there are two of you, whose going to win the fight? (i baggsy herod at twenty paces with the baby with a spear through its head)
     
  2. I shall be the innkeeper.

    I have been flexing my neck muscles & practicing a cockney accent in anticipation of this role.

    "if your names not down, you're not coming in!"

    I suppose I could find room for Mary, but obviously not Joseph, if she's prepared to be "helpful".

    Incidentally, the role of Mary will need a consumate actress, to persuade her husband that she's knocked up, not by his bezzer Brian, but by an angel. A likely story!
     
  3. I will be Mary, might as well be a virgin it's been that long!

    and I swear he was an angel, had wings n everything!!! (does it matter they were out the local market? swapped them for his last wife, thought he got a good deal too...)
     
  4. I shall be a crap hymn writer
    "Angels and archangels may have gathered there,
    Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;
    But Dale the Snail(Slapper)only, in her maiden bliss,
    Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

    What can I give Him, poor as I am?
    If I were a shepherd, I would bring a 8 pack of Ace Lager;
    If I were a Wise Man, I would deride Stabtiffy2B;
    Yet what I can I give Him: give my disbelief
    ."
     
  5. I think all the ARRSE_Maidens would make a wondrous Heavenly Throng. Although I would like to see a wondrous thong on an ARRSE_Maiden :D

    because last night in chat - when Angel Minxy was hanging from the ceiling, I swear she wasn't wearing one!
     
  6. :( I didn't wanna be the Angel...

    BUT Abs you are wrong I was wearing one, Cuts kindly lent me a pair.Minxys Ming on a String

    It was sweaty, smelly and abit squeaky.................Soooooooo no change from the norm then :lol:
     
  7. If tigerbaby would rather be a scantily-clad angel, I think I could be Mary...after all, I'm brown and vaguely Semitic-looking. And I don't have a very convincing story about where I mislaid my virginity either.

    The Blessed Mother as frightened and incoherent Middle-Eastern woman clinging to squaddie's sleeve (ref: CNN archives)?
     
  8. I see Cpl_Ripper, MDN, and Geordie-Blerk as the three wise men - with StabTiff as the baby Jesus.

    The immediate infanticide would mean a much shorter bible (so more trees), fewer wars (one fewer religion must help) and the three wise men could have 'consoled' Mary - who was still a virgin after all!.
     
  9. Can I be a dove of peace? I could perch in the stable rafters and sh1t on you all.
     
  10. woopert

    woopert LE Moderator

    But Mary was a virgin of good repute???
     
  11. I am going to be the donkey.... having carried Mary the oversized wench that she is (claims to be a virgin too pah!) for the last god knows how many miles... i shall just put my head down on this straw, and *yawns zzzz zzzz zzzz


    edited because my fingers are still cold and I can't type!
     
  12. and your point is..............???? :lol:

    Can I remind you that my body is a temple not an amusement park :lol:
     
  13. ... wants to be a shepherd. Wanna beard...

    (...and to wash my socks at night).
     
  14. You already have a beard. It will be difficult to wash your socks untill you have unstuck them from your crusty feet.