ARRSE NAAFI Story 2009.

Once upon a time there lived a Scouse prozzy with
 

Guns

ADC
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and stolen goods as she is a scouser.
 

Guns

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the Army are desperate and will sign anyone up. So she decides to join one of three regiments
 

LondonTankie

Old-Salt
3 para cos shes well hard innit and got her reg tattoo already
 

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War Hero
Then Dinger and Stan from 'Them' walked in the room. They knew, as soon as they gazed into her steely killer's eyes, that she was the person they'd been looking for all along.
 

Guns

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their agents offices to talk about the next book contract. "SAS - Cos we're 'ard like".
 

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War Hero
"Mummy?!" Decried the old lady. "I'll have you whippersnappers know, that I ain't your mummy. Well, not since I had my gash stitched up in a backstreet transgender reassignment clinic in Bangkok. Dinger, Stan, this may come as a surprise to you. But I'm actually your father. Hello sons."
 
Showing them his hidden tiny organ which he proudly named Shandy McNab they preceded to down Vertical in two with highly modded BB guns purchased from Wilkos

Edit: Mong spelling fixed.
 
T

trowel

Guest
hardly a mark was to be seen on the wall as Verti's brain splattered on it.
 

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War Hero
"Trowel may have a point", said the transgendered octogenarian. "Do your old father a favour and slot the ****, will yer?"

"Aye" said Dinger. "But why have you been away so long, pappa?"

"Regretfully sons, events conspired against me. I remember cooking your other dad's tea one wet November night. I could take no more of his drunken brutality, so I waited until his drunken rage had subsided, and he was fast asleep with his fingers down his y-fronts. I just knew I had to escape. I packed my bags and went to Bingo at Vickers on the Scotswood Road. I knew then that my destiny was about to change. I caught the number 11 bus to Whitley Bay, and then I went on to North Shields. From there I stowed away on a pilchard trawler, but we got lost and ended up in Bombay. After spending a few months under the guidance of the Hindu Guru, Swami Swampi, I knew that my true calling had arrived. I walked for three years until I reached Bangkok, and just knew I had to have a c0ck. Then, one day, whilst I was pondering the implausibility of the continued expansion of the universe, I saw both you boys on the evening news. It brought a tear of pride to my eye. I could tell, from your postures, that it was my fine sons who were on the balcony. Then I made a pact; I would come back to claim my rightful place as head of the family. In the great British tradition of improvisation, I procured a rowing boat off a local eel fisherman and began to row to my boys, to my destiny. Sons, I am back"
 
T

trowel

Guest
Just in time cried the boys. Our fair land is being ravaged by a hideous one eyed ogre
 
"It's dad, hes back and he wants revenge. He now goes by the name of MDN and is located to the fat east from here... It is why we have being looking for you. You're the only one who can help us take down the threat of the beast MDN."
 

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