ARRSE Government

#1
It has been suggested, on another thread in current affairs, that perhaps members of ARRSE would make a good alternative to the current , and indeed any future government. To save clogging up that thread with outlandish policy claims and statements, what do you think to an ARSSE political party.
I have a sneaky feelin Werewolf has his eye on "Lord High Protector" and Combat-Baby is a front runner for Minister for Justice at the moment.
Make some policies, sell the party line, lets face it, we can't do a worse job can we?
 
#2
Would it be possible to put me down for Norn Iron Secretary? If not, then I want to be an astronaut.

MsG
 
#3
Bugsy said:
Would it be possible to put me down for Norn Iron Secretary? If not, then I want to be an astronaut.

MsG
Sold! to the pasty looking Vegan :wink:
 
#4
It's been done before but here goes ;

I would like to nominate myself as Official Hangman on the grounds that my Grandfather was a member of the same Licensed Victuallers Association as Albert Pierrepoint.

Thanks in advance.
 
#5
We would need to have a manifesto under the following headings some listed below for starters. We would also need a cabinet as well.

Economy
Law and Order
Immigration
Foreign Policy
Europe
Armed Forces
Taxes
Employment
 
#6
As long as it's more sincere than Gordon "day we put on record our gratitude for the Armed Forces" Brown!
 
#7
re-stilly said:
We would need to have a manifesto under the following headings some listed below for starters. We would also need a cabinet as well.

Economy
Law and Order
Immigration
Foreign Policy
Europe
Armed Forces
Taxes
Employment
You forgot Minister for Hanging People.

That's mine.
 
#8
LancePrivateJones said:
It's been done before but here goes ;
Didn't know that and really couldn't be arsed trawling through hundreds of threads to find out, so apologies for repeating it. But it's cropped up elsewhere so it might still have some milage.
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#9
We started this one some time ago here.

Here was my Manifesto:

Legs said:
Ah, Ye Olde Arrse Manifesto... Done often, always loved.

I fancy a go at this (again) and so submit this, my manifesto for a Greater Britain.

1. CRIME, LAW AND ORDER:

a. Mandatory death sentence for Paedophiles, rapists and murderers.
b. Prison would be a punishment, not a holiday. No PlayStations, TV/DVDs, snooker tables or days out.
c. Life would mean life.
d. Causing death by drink driving and the like would be considered murder. Death by dangerous driving and suchlike would be a life sentence.
e. No time off for good behaviour. Extra time added for bad behaviour.
f. Suing people for �embarrassment� would be outlawed. All claims against people for damages should truly reflect the losses incurred. Criminals lose any right to sue for damages from the victim of the crime, regardless of who came out worse.
g. Homeowners have the right to defend their property in whatever way they see fit. However, if an innocent person (delivery person/passer-by etc) is killed or injured then the full power of the law shall come down on the homeowner.
h. Police to have a reduced amount of paperwork caused by each arrest to enable them to get back on patrol.
i. More Police foot patrols in built up areas.

2. DEFENCE:

a. SofS, Min AF etc must have served at least 15 years in any of the Armed Forces.
b. 15% pay rise for all ranks.
c. Interest free mortgage for all personnel wishing to purchase a house. Mortgage dependant on serving 22 years, or repaid in full before discharge is authorised. Outstanding balance on discharge at 22 years to be deducted from the pension in monthly instalments.
d. Minimum service for recruits - 5 years from 18th birthday, or start of Phase 2 training (whichever is the later).
e. Procurement system re-vamped. Service personnel, not civilians should decide what is needed, and the specs for equipment. No payout to the firms until the equipment is in service.

3. IMMIGRATION

a. Only people who have a trade that is required in the UK will be admitted.
b. Only immediate family (spouse and up to 3 children) will be allowed to accompany head of household.
c. Any criminal act will result in immediate deportation upon conviction.
d. All immigrants must surrender their old passport and swear allegiance to the Crown. They are also required to undertake a series of courses followed by a test to help them integrate into British Community. This to be done within 6 months of arrival in UK. Failure to attend/pass will result in immediate deportation. All costs of the courses/tests to be payable by the immigrant (in advance).

4. EDUCATION

a. All school children will wear a school uniform.
b. School will begin at 0800hrs and finish at 1700hrs.
c. All children will be taught in English.
d. Mandatory subjects will include � Maths, English Language, British History, Physical Education, geography, home care (cooking, sewing, cleaning etc), one other language and basic economics. Other subjects will be by choice at the age of 13.

4. TRANSPORTATION

a. Road tax to be abolished. Tax added to fuel so that heavy users pay more than light users.
b. From the age of 65 all drivers must face a test every year. Failure on re-test to result in permanent driving ban.
c. Motorway speeds to be increased to 90mph (lower variable speed limits as required).
d. Speed cameras only to be employed on certified accident blackspots. All proceeds from fines to be put back into transport system.
e. Increased mobile Police traffic patrols.
f. All drivers to display a certificate (like a tax disk) in the windscreen advertising the fact that they have insurance.
g. Driving with no insurance/MOT/Licence to attract an immediate 5 year ban (to follow the sentence for any other crime). The car is to be sold at auction to offset the court costs. If the car is of no value it is to be crushed.
h. Bus and train operators to face fines for poor service, late running (unless proved beyond their control), extreme numbers of complaints and poor quality of vehicles.

5. HEALTH

a. No NHS Doctor may treat private patients in NHS property. Any private patient must be treated outside of normal hours.
b. Only people who have paid National Insurance can receive any medical treatment outside of emergency life saving. The cost of emergency treatment is to be billed to the country of origin if no insurance is held.
c. Health tourism on NHS to stop. Only if the full costs of treatment (privately) are paid in advance may non-UK residents come into the country for treatment. NHS facilities are not to be used.
d. All patients over the age of 80 are not to be resuscitated. This is for the good of the nation, and the individual.
e. Euthanasia will be legalised. The checks are to include at least two consultants, and a lawyer.
f. Any underage pregnancies are to be reported to the Police. The father is to be charged. Housing will not be awarded to those under 18 who fall pregnant, unless in a full time relationship with one parent working.
g. Organ Donation will be compulsory unless opted out for religious reasons.
h. Patients in a Persistent Vegetative State are not to be kept alive, except for reasons of organ donation.

6. PARLIAMENT

a. MPs to be paid only for the time they work.
b. Any MP convicted of a criminal offence is to be sacked, and a by-election is to take place within 6 weeks.
c. House of Lords to be abolished.
Make of it what you will!
 
#10
I'll be Minister for Sport. I intend to introduce the sport of Chav Hunting.
 
#11
duckula said:
LancePrivateJones said:
It's been done before but here goes ;
Didn't know that and really couldn't be arsed trawling through hundreds of threads to find out, so apologies for repeating it. But it's cropped up elsewhere so it might still have some milage.
That's OK, it crops up from time to time.

We need a Minister of Torture as well.
Perhaps that Combat_Baby person could do it?
 
#12
Bugsy said:
Would it be possible to put me down for Norn Iron Secretary? If not, then I want to be an astronaut.

MsG
Well in that case i baggsy deputy first minister!
 
#13
duckula said:
It has been suggested, on another thread in current affairs, that perhaps members of ARRSE would make a good alternative to the current , and indeed any future government. To save clogging up that thread with outlandish policy claims and statements, what do you think to an ARSSE political party.
I have a sneaky feelin Werewolf has his eye on "Lord High Protector" and Combat-Baby is a front runner for Minister for Justice at the moment.
Make some policies, sell the party line, lets face it, we can't do a worse job can we?
I'm easy; either Home Secretary or DG of the Fingermen/ARRSE Einsatzkommando. :D
 
#14
I baggsy Immigration. Like the manifesto not much to argue with there.
 
#15
LancePrivateJones said:
duckula said:
LancePrivateJones said:
It's been done before but here goes ;
Didn't know that and really couldn't be arsed trawling through hundreds of threads to find out, so apologies for repeating it. But it's cropped up elsewhere so it might still have some milage.
That's OK, it crops up from time to time.

We need a Minister of Torture as well.
Perhaps that Combat_Baby person could do it?
I have strong concerns that Combat-Baby may enjoy that job too much, perhaps a role as Under-Minister for Torture may be more approriate. More an advisory role, that way at least the rats stand a fighting chance. (see reese jones thread)
 
#17
Can I have foreign policy, I've been to at least 3 foreign places and caused at least one international incident!? (by weeing on Austria from Italy, but thats not the issue here)

I'm sure all they do in the foreign ministry, and the MOD for that matter, is throw darts at a map with Bomb/Send Soldiers/Apply Sanctions here written on them. I can do that, and I think I have a better grouping pattern then they, think old 10 pence rather than the new one.

I also promise to get lost, abuse the locals with HRH DoE, and leave briefcases full of cash and official (looking) documents about the place. :D
 
#19
Magdovus said:
I'll be Minister for Sport. I intend to introduce the sport of Chav Hunting.
Chav Hunting. Now there's reasonable solution to 2 problems; Chav's and blood sport's. I have previously suggested that perhaps the large theme parks could be converted to "Big chav hunting grounds" and a few others have even suggested prices for family tickets and package deals, all good stuff. Of course, this sport will have a limited shelf life, once we "hunt down" all the chavs what then?


Edited to add..must read names of posters, it was indeed you Magdovus with the ticket prices and other ideas.
 
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