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ARRSE Gardening club

#1
Following a successful day of mixing drinking wine and using garden power tools in the rain, the cunning idea of an arrse gardening club was suggested.


So here we have the thread for all your horticultural tips, ideas and questions.

The first tip is never ever let The Snail use your electric hedge trimmer unless you want the cable to be a foot shorter than when you started.
(insert your own jokes about trimming her bush, getting wet etc etc)




for a small fee the Ground Farce Team will visit your garden and destroy it utterly.

 
#2
What garden?
 
#3
It's a lot sight worse now.

Some dickhead left me with tools.
 
#5
Twas a dark and stormy night with The Snail persuaded theoriginalphantom to assist the clearing of waste ground that her castle overlooked. Well, when I say persuaded what I actually mean is that she waited till I was suitably drunk and then made various threats of extreme violence. When this failed threats of sexual favours were made if I failed to comply.
The next day was bright and cheerful, belying what fate had in store for our intrepid horticulturalists. No sooner had the first weed been pulled than the heavens opened, a downpour of biblical proportions started. Taking shelter long enough to open a bottle of chardonnay the ground farce team then restarted with powertools and fire to clear the ground.
The day progressed in a manner similar to that of a ‘Carry on film’ with many a reference to trimming bushes, being wet and large buzzing tools. This lead to a false sense of security, for in a moment of foolishness I allowed The Snail to use the electric hedge trimmer (which is odd as she doesn’t have an electric hedge) then in the failing light of the afternoon there was an almighty blue flash. The snail was then surprised to discover that the hedge trimmer was no longer working, Toppers was surprised to find that the power extension cable was now a foot shorter than it should be.
 
#6
He forced me, against my will.
 
#7
oi, that was my draft copy of the incident
 
#9
it'd take more than that pathetic little hedge trimmer to sort the Snails bush out!!!
 
#10
Does the forestry commission not have a tree strimmer just ask the snail if she interested in a quick shave tree style
 
#11
The saga continues,


this is the delightful sight of 2 bbq's and an old wheelbarrow being used to burn all the crap from the garden. The neighbours will have been incredibly impressed with the amount of smoke and soot this generated on the first day of the year they could all get their washing on the line without it freezing solid.

Despite all rumours we did not get a visit from the fire brigade.
 
#12
Be sure to order your copy.....

New addition for 2008....Sluggy's Garden

:flower:
 
#13
I like gardening very much. Who would like to come to my BBQ on Sat this week. My crazy paving partys are a right hoot.
Please bring your own black plastic bin bags and shovel.
 
#14
Bootifull said:
Be sure to order your copy.....

New addition for 2008....Sluggy's Garden

:flower:
Mimi - bring your gardening wellies this weekend, you've got a lot of work to do!!!!
 
#17
sparksmalarks said:
he improvised adapted and overcame i'd say
thats not funny
 
#18
Oh, and it cost me £400 to get it all sorted eventually, and Dean and his chaps did a nice job on it.
 
#19
Hello Green fingered types, I have a request:

I am after a small patch of land somewhere around Amesbury/Salisbury in Wiltshire to grow some veg and place a couple of beehives. :hungry:

I have been told to bugger off by the salisbury allotment people as a resident of Amesbury I am not entitled to an allotment in Salisbury Centre. :cry:

I have also registered with the River Cottage Land Share scheme but that doesn't become active until later this year.

I know this is a long shot but if anyone knows of a plot in the area I would be willing to negotiate a small fee for the right area.

Cheers in Advance, CMB
 
#20
Following a successful day of mixing drinking wine and using garden power tools in the rain, the cunning idea of an arrse gardening club was suggested.


So here we have the thread for all your horticultural tips, ideas and questions.

The first tip is never ever let The Snail use your electric hedge trimmer unless you want the cable to be a foot shorter than when you started.
(insert your own jokes about trimming her bush, getting wet etc etc)




for a small fee the Ground Farce Team will visit your garden and destroy it utterly.

Unfortunately, it looks worse than that now. All help needed for the bank holidee weekend. Thanking you tar.
 
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