ARRSE Cruise??

#1
See that a cruise ship off the African coast was attacked by two boats of alledgedly Somalian pirates who attacked with automatic weapons and a RPG..minimal damage to one empty cabin and some plumbing knocked out..
Captain retaliated by using FlashBangs and an attempt to ram/crush one of the attacking boats which drove them off.. Some NGO/Aid groups jumped on the bandwagon to announce that they've been hit of late by pirates in that area, as well, when trying to bring in supplies for impoverished areas..they want armed escorts..

Cruise captain said this was supposed to be an adventure holiday but that this was a bit more ' adventure' than some passengers appreciated..

got to thinking.. what a perfect ' niche market' sales idea.. Active Cruise!!.. retired military types can rekindle the adventure!!.. along with the tropical fruit beverages and hearty shipboard fare, they get issued with M-16's or AK-47's [ ultimate ' comparative ' test opportunity.. or, possibly a ' selection' of latest personal weaponry [ gun company sponsorship opportunity $$$] and everyone gets a chance to ' repel' boarders or sucker pirates into a waterborne ' firefight '..


excellent

How about an all "Walt/Airsoft " cruise.. let the pukes have a go at the 'real thing '..no duff...

I'm sure other amenities could be in place for the spouses..

" Hey, Honey.. did you see that?.. Took the little b*stard's head clean off..!! What?.. You missed it?.. Look, ..look.. here comes another one.. watch this.... Aw, Honey..you got to keep an eye on them little boats...Here.. you want a go with the Beretta? - then we'll go for the buffet...'
 
B

Biscuits_AB

Guest
#3
There's enough Navy types on the site to show us how to sail the thing and there's are one or two AB types to provide the caberet in between range practice (anybody out there qualified to run 'live firing'?).
 
#4
I can see it now ....... new Royal Navy recruitment strategy.

Chav opens envelope ... YOU HAVE WON .... ring 0800 700 700 ... chav rings... yes sir you have won a cruise for you and up to four of your mates. Arrive Southhampton 10.00 AM Monday next week.


Chav- Why is the cruise ship grey?

Jolly Sailor type person - new cruise line colours sir.

Ship pulls out .. heads for horn of Africa ....


Attacked by two high powered ridged raider type boats ... as they near the ship .. no sonic blast from this ship but the boats get pelted with empty lager cans .. benches .. seats ...... and empty or partly filled mucky d cartons.


Quick lay over in Mombassa for some looting errrh I mean souvenier hunting .. then back home........ unless they have won the star prize of the world cruise.

J
 
#6
Fcuk me this is a brilliant idea.

Basically, instead of shooting clays from the poop deck or whatever the fcuk it's called you get to sit behind a Bofors gun and shout "PULL!" whereupon a dinghy full of pirates hoves into view. You take a quick sip of your cocktail, taking care not to poke yourself in the eye with the little umbrella, and rain down some 40mm death. Then you go back to the bar and chat up some Estonian lap-dancers. I'd buy that for a dollar.

Alternatively, instead of aerobics you could have swinging across decks on ropes with cutlasses between your teeth classes. Etc.

V!
 
#7
fook me I just choked on me vod and coke .... I particulaly liked this bit..

"You take a quick sip of your cocktail, taking care not to poke yourself in the eye with the little umbrella, and rain down some 40mm death."
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#8
If it is going to be an Arrse Cruise, could we not borrow Britannia which is currently parked in Edinburgh? There are several matelots on this site and I am sure that one of them steering, with a real soldier giving commands such as "Left hand down a bit" or "Klingons on the starboard side" we could sail to battle. We could use the Crabs as stokers 'cos they really are strokers - but we could drop the first R as we are aRrsers.

What we need now is a command structure for the good ship Arrse. Any suggestions?
 
#9
Yes, I am happy to be nominated entertainments officer, as well as being oi/c Bofors gun on the poop deck.

Rum, Sodomy and the Lash, 'triffic. Where's Berni?
 
#11
Sign me up for OC X turret - we can use those guns someone left on the lawn outside the Imperial War Museum...
 
#12
Auld-Yin said:
If it is going to be an Arrse Cruise, could we not borrow Britannia which is currently parked in Edinburgh? There are several matelots on this site and I am sure that one of them steering, with a real soldier giving commands such as "Left hand down a bit" or "Klingons on the starboard side" we could sail to battle. We could use the Crabs as stokers 'cos they really are strokers - but we could drop the first R as we are aRrsers.

What we need now is a command structure for the good ship Arrse. Any suggestions?
I wa sleeping next door to said boat in Edinburgh over the past couple of nights due to my concerns about sharing a hotel with all the other Edinburgh crawl attendees. There was also a foreign submarine (Norwegian I think) parked next to it so could we go for a flotilla? Any submariners like to teach us how to use a periscope?
 
#13
Sounds like a cracking idea - Get away for a couple of days and get your live firing IDT's whilst your away!!!!! Bit of a change to the APWT but for the best im sure - Count me in!!!!!
 

DieHard

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
Can i look after rhe Bar please?
Is that russian Sub still parked up near Greenwich? We could borrow that too
 
#16
Murielson said:
I wa sleeping next door to said boat in Edinburgh over the past couple of nights due to my concerns about sharing a hotel with all the other Edinburgh crawl attendees. There was also a foreign submarine (Norwegian I think) parked next to it so could we go for a flotilla? Any submariners like to teach us how to use a periscope?
On the other hand Mu, I DID stay in the ARRSE hotel.....and I had a cracking periscope this morning... ;)

Anyway, so as not to hijack the thread.....

A battery of L118 105mm artillery in the direct fire role....a-la-Spooky/Spectre .....two each side, and one fore and aft........BOOM BOOM BOOM!

And a Heli Deck for some keen eyed Longbow pilots.....as long as they promise to let the pirates get in range of the guns for a pop at them first...

:lol:
 
#18
Murielson said:
Back door gunner for me please.
That'll be D'Aft then ......

You know....I never would have known to look at you.....

Still takes all sorts, and it's allowed in the british forces now.....
 
#19
Can I drive ?, I've got a Recreational Shipmasters Licence and this sure as hell sounds like recreation :wink:
 
#20
Didosdadsdogsdead said:
Can I drive ?, I've got a Recreational Shipmasters Licence and this sure as hell sounds like recreation :wink:
Aye Aye Captain! ;)

The Love Boat with a proper armoury.......how good would that be? Viki (the captains daughter) left me feeling strange in my trousers when I was 10 (a long long time ago).

:oops:
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top