ARRSE Crawl in Hell

#1
Lifted from HERE - thanks Fluffy :D

FluffyBunny said:
SIDEBAR

How about an ARRSE Crawl in Hell?

I was due to be going there anyway at "end of mission", and after this thread, I suspect I'll be seeing a number of you there as well. If the priests who taught me had read the manual correctly, God has a longish memory for this sort of thing.

Has anyone got a source of asbestos T shirts with the ARRSE logo?

END SIDEBAR

back to the story
Well? How about an ARRSE Crawl in Hell?

Who would we meet - who would be the first to arrive. Who would still not be putting their hands in their pocket for a round? If Dale suggests Flaming Sambukas again (why did I agree to those :roll:) would it make a difference that the whole place is already burning?

Will we still need name badges?

Do Mr & Miss ARRSE get to join us or are they Heaven bound now?

And as Rincewind is now "Mr Accommodation" does he need to change his name to Auld Nick? Is Auld Nick an ARRSEr already?
 
#3
We could do this for real! Anyone fancy any of the following?

Hell, Gelderland, Netherlands
Hel, Poland
Hell, Norway
Hell Corner, Berkshire, England
Hell For Certain, Kentucky, USA
Hell's Kitchen, Manhattan, New York, USA
Hell Gate, a portion of the East River in New York, USA
Hell Gate, Georgia, USA
Hell Hole Gorge National Park, Australia
Hell, Michigan, USA & Hell, Grand Cayman, British West Indies
Hellgate Pond, Georgia, USA
Hellhole Branch, Georgia, USA
Hellhole Mountain, Georgia, USA
Hells Gate, Georgia, USA (not the same as Hell Gate, GA)
Hells Gate Roadhouse, Australia

From Wiki.
 
#4
I believe there is a 'Hell' in Germany as well.......I'm positive I've been there.
 
#5
mereminx said:
*innocent look* Oh I couldn't possibly comment I'm an Angel.

I'll wave as your all heading there, promise!
Hells Angel?

I'm due to be in hell in about 40-50 years..... if I PM the forms now you could fill them in and I'll arrange Polo-Shirts... asbestos will cost more, any suggestions on the tour badge?

'ARRSE on Tour and Hotter than Satans Posing Pouch'??

Beebs x
 

Captain_Crusty

War Hero
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#7
I'm about 30km down the road from Hell (Norway) at present and what you need is gortex not asbestos...
 
#10
OK chaps, chapettes & the damned

I was down in Hell on a routine liasion visit, and have had a word with The Dark Lord Satan (or "Nick" as he prefers to be called. Informal as well as infernal it seems).

I've booked the Crawl for 3rd Dec 2105, on the grounds that those who are going will be there already by then.

We can meet at the entrance to the 6th Circle. PM me for an immigration / landing card. We don't have a visa waiver scheme with the Underworld, although apparently the Yanks do. Something about a block booking I think?

If you're travelling by ferry across the Styxx, don't bother buying the "return" ticket. That's a bit of a scam to fool the tourists.

For adulterers there are extra immigration formalities. Gents should form an orderly line by the small guillotine near Passport Control.

Accomodation is block booked at the Hell (North) Travel Tavern. All rooms are smoking, as we will be. Or smouldering at the very least.
Overspill is at Hell (West). I looked at the prices of the Hilton, Hell "Adolf Hitler" International Airport, but they were just silly. Why does any hotel near an airport feel they can charge what they like?

I suggest we eat first. There is a nice little Cambodian Restaurant, the "Khmer Rouge" that does a good line in nosebag. If you prefer something more mainstream, "Il Duce" gets some good write-ups in the AA Guide, although the Rough Guide to Hell (tm) reckons the chef, Benito, is a bit strict, but at least the dishes come on time.

After that there are a number of bars in the area, all serving Watney's Red Barrel (and nothing else). There is an German theme pub if you fancy it, the Belsen Arms, and a couple of "Oirish" pubs being Adams' Bar and the Paisley Tavern.

After that there is always Stringfellows and Dante's, followed by a kebab & home to bed. I've booked a couple of minibuses from Blaircabs but we may need to look at Broons Door-to-Door as well.

If anyone has other suggestions for puibs we might visit (mine's a pint please), please let me know and I'll try and work out a route.

Hope to see you there.
 
#11
Hell is suppose to be a place where once entered you never leave and therefore the temperature does need to be controlled........ so
when all Hell Breaks Loose no one can leave because if they do, then there will be no body heat to help keep up the sizzling temperature and Hell Will Freeze Over. :lol: :lol:
 
#12
Well as i had my place in hell booked the moment i picked up my first Ozzy Osbourne album at the age of 6 i don't think i'll need accomodation but i'll have plenty of floor space for those of you who aren't that fussy. If anbody is interested i heard that on the night in question there's a cracking band on in the keiser wilhelm inn just off Cambodia boulevard. Keith Moon on drums, Dimebag Darrell and Randy Rhodes on guitar, John Entwistle on bass and Kurt Cobain on vocals. They go under the name of The True Hellraisers.
 
#13
Arrse crawl in Hell? I'm afraid the posher accomodation is reserved for His Tyrannic Majesty King Lairdx. I may consider sharing. I understand Satan plans to start taking it easy when I finally get to the warm place. I'll be taking on the workload and lets face it as far as the evil one is concerned he did alright in biblical times with a bit of tempting here and a bit of soul bargaining there but to be frank over the last millenium he has gone a bit soft.

When I'm in charge the bible thumping god botherers will know about it. I will get those devils, demons, imps etc kicked into shape. lazy little red bastards that they are. As new overlord of Hell I shall improve efficiency and productivity in all evil related affairs.

Its all about respect.
 
#14
babyblue said:
Hell is suppose to be a place where once entered you never leave and therefore the temperature does need to be controlled........ so
when all Hell Breaks Loose no one can leave because if they do, then there will be no body heat to help keep up the sizzling temperature and Hell Will Freeze Over. :lol: :lol:
Was that an attempt at cleverness? F!
 
#15
DozyBint said:
We could do this for real! Anyone fancy any of the following?

Hell, Gelderland, Netherlands
Hel, Poland
Hell, Norway
Hell Corner, Berkshire, England
Hell For Certain, Kentucky, USA
Hell's Kitchen, Manhattan, New York, USA
Hell Gate, a portion of the East River in New York, USA
Hell Gate, Georgia, USA
Hell Hole Gorge National Park, Australia
Hell, Michigan, USA & Hell, Grand Cayman, British West Indies
Hellgate Pond, Georgia, USA
Hellhole Branch, Georgia, USA
Hellhole Mountain, Georgia, USA
Hells Gate, Georgia, USA (not the same as Hell Gate, GA)
Hells Gate Roadhouse, Australia

From Wiki.
You've missed a trick, Dozy...

...Hell Hole Gorge National Park, Australia
Hell, Michigan, USA & Hell, Grand Cayman, British West Indies
Hellgate Pond, Georgia, USA...
I'd far rather a crawl in Grand Cayman than Berkshire...


smithie
 
#16
FluffyBunny said:
.........

I was down in Hell on a routine liasion visit, and have had a word with The Dark Lord Satan (or "Nick" as he prefers to be called. Informal as well as infernal it seems).

......................
Nick? I thought he was Donald (Dubh)
 
#17
smithie said:
You've missed a trick, Dozy...

...Hell Hole Gorge National Park, Australia
Hell, Michigan, USA & Hell, Grand Cayman, British West Indies
Hellgate Pond, Georgia, USA...
I'd far rather a crawl in Grand Cayman than Berkshire...


smithie
I agree, but think of the beer tokens you'd use up to get there... :(
 
#19
Hell is where you are when the ARRSE Crawl is where you're not. Think of us poor stayathamers this Saturday you noble Wales Crawlers!
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#20
FluffyBunny said:
We don't have a visa waiver scheme with the Underworld, although apparently the Yanks do. Something about a block booking I think?
" Yes, I'm sorry...I know you've been told something different all your lives......apparentely He had a difference of opinion with your Founding Fathers and damned the entire race in perpetuity" :lol:

Rowan Atkinson , 'Welcome to Hell' circa 1986
 

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