Arrse Coup

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by blonde_guy, Mar 29, 2010.

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  1. Now recently we've seen threads on a hypothetical Civil War, a race war, threads on how much Labour apparently hate the military, threads on how the Unions need smashing, threads on how Arrsers would rule the world & generally putting all things to right. Normally with quite a predominant right wing thought process et cetera et cetera

    Now this got me thinking what would happen if one day the military had enough and decided to go a bit South American and rule the country, what would fellow Arrsers hypothetically do?

    For starters I'd:

    Dissolve parliament and hand power to the Queen, advised by a select committee of advisors.

    Arrest certain politicians. In fact a lot of them. From all 3 parties.

    Declare marshal law, especially in so called police "no go" zones

    Set up more prisons so that time sentenced is always time served
  2. Give power to the Aussies. Face it, you'll moan too much, the beer will always be warm and you need some cricket lessons

    Although you'd have to do something about those beaches before we got there :D
  3. Sever all ties with Europe and ask for a refund!
  4. All the leaders would walk on their hind legs.
  5. RTU all non-productive/illegal immigrants (including those in jail). Put in place stringent border controls.
  6. I'd mobilise all the TA for a year to augment police & border forces too.
  7. That reference might have been pearls before swine

  8. Not sure that a military coup woul be the answer. That said, this is the NAAFI bar. What Cromwell said!

    I'm all in favour of re-instigating traitors' gate. I'm also all in favour of certain politicians being hung, drawn, quartered and sent to all four corners of the kingdom as a friendly warning. Start with Mandelson. No, Blair. No, Brown. Such choice!
  9. I was wandering through town yesterday with Mrs Jester, and after quietly observing all that is wrong with the world I begun to bore her silly with what I'd change if the country was under martial law.

    1. Get rid of all coffee shops - Costa-bucks, Nero whatever... whatever happened to going into a greasy-spoon and grabbing a mug (that's MUG) of tea or coffee for 30-40p and stirring it with a SPOON and not some splinter of wood akin to the piece of balsa you used to light a bunsen burner with in chemistry class during school? People sit in these places like goldfish in a geet-big tank, thinking it's 'really cool' to order a triple moccha-chocca double thrapper-dapper cappichino espresso dark cherry vanilla 'coffee' with maple syrup, cocoa-powder dust and cream. And since Friends was first airred in 1994, these things have sprung up all over the place like a disease, and people flock to them like sheep. And since when did 'small medium large' get replaced by 'tall grande obese'? It's all crap, and is in serious need of putting into Room 101.

    2. And for the rest of it, I'd appoint Jeremy Clarkson as PM. He'd sort out all the bollocks laws on smoking and fast cars (i.e. anything fun with the risk of a serious illness), whilst ensuring the forces were looked after. There would be no Cons, Lab, Lib Dems etc. Just Clarkson and his Top Gear production team. (yes I know you feminists out there keep whingeing there's no female presenter on it, but until you get a male presenter on 'Loose Women' you can fucking iron my clothes and kindly do one.)

    3. Oh, and a 10% payrise for all armed forces too. If the country was struggling with the public purse, I'd shut down all asylum centres to fund it.

    Job's a good 'un.
  10. My bold - you horrible little republican!
  11. Put a stop to all those insanely happy students who keep stopping me and, while acting like they are my best mate, try to get me to pay "just £3" a month to some inane fcuking charity that actually thinks it can sort out Africa.

    I want to be able to walk down the street without having to pre-plan my course to avoid them. It should be made legal to allow the carrying of a half brick to bludgeon the life out of these cnuts.
  12. Bring back capitol punishment, especially for mime artists. Those cnuts should be made to learn the words or pay the price.
  13. I've thought about this some more now.

    I'd use the Household Cavalry Mounted Regiment as a public order QRF; to break strikes, riots and the like. They can be augmented by a newly formed yeomanry regiment, with each hunt in Britain contributing to a regional squadron. Kit all the horses out in the police riot protection kit, and sharpen those swords.

    I'd give all those souljas in places like Liverpool, Manchester and the gun capital Nottingham the chance to fight and die like souljas when fully armed patrols in CEFO go into gun crime hotspots.

    ASBO kids? They can serve their time under some of the meanest bastards in Britain in special penal units doing community work. Their sentence is halved if they agree to serve doing hazardous duty abroad. Completely break them before building them up to be better citizens.

    There are many underused military camps (Crowborough, Westdown etc etc). Use them to intern asylum seekers. Claim successful? Well done, get on with life and contribute to our society. Claim unsuccessful? Straight to the airport.
  14. Surely just a gesture.
  15. Coming from the wordsmith himself, I take that as a huge compliment.

    Hell, you can come round to my place, and fuck my sister.

    She looks like that bird from Arbroath btw