ARRSE Cancer Scare. Defecating past an open wound..

#22
SCoy said:
Seconded. 8O

Whilst we're on this subject whats the worst/best sh!t uve eva had? The post ex ones gotta be up dere :)
Spent two weeks away eating purely rat packs and stuff from the cookhouse. However, had a stomach problem so ate very little real food and instead fought off hunger pangs with biscuit browns. On returning home feeling rather bloated I realised I'd not had to squat for two weeks, so went to give it a go. Half an hour and a ripped ring piece later I'd lost a stone weight (I weighed before and after) and the sound when they hit the water (and the bowl) I thought I was gonna crack the pan. It hurt, it took a long time but it can be nothing in comparisson to what that poor man went through. I recommend using some kind of lip salve down there, will keep it moist and flexible :? (vaseline works well too :p)
 
#23
Jeez Pigshagger,that make my own ringpiece clench in sympathy.
Pleased to hear you are on the mend and passing a good wholesome stool,keep it up mate!(or not)
 
#25
After 3wk ex eating virtually nothing but compo. I eventually had to visit trap 1. Trap 1 being one of those german jobs with the inspection shelf built into the crapper. After half an hour of pushing,sweating & groaning something gave & I gave birth to about 10lbs of brown platercine. Grabbing a hand full of arrse wipe I gave the nipsy a good wipe & inspected the paper to see how much more wiping would be reqiured. Much to my suprise the paper was bonedry & clear of any turd. Ah ha a papersaver what a bonus !! It was only when tucking the shirt in did I notice sh1te all over my knuckles,shirt & the top part of me trousers. I had laid such a pile on the insection shelf that I had dragged my knuckles through it when wiping my ring. It also took a good 3 flushes to shift the b@stard aswell. Compo eh !!!

Regards LT.
 
#26
bobos said:
LCpl Pigshagger - you will look back in years to come and remember that day with great relish. It will become a great talking point for you and I am sure people will wince and buy a beer for you (or a supository). I though I had had some painful poos, but that made my eyes water
Cpl? Cpl? You did that on purpose. You've been reading my pay statements.

I was a BOMBARDIER.

C*nt....


:D
 
#27
hi im post op bowel cancer and am currently going through chemotherapy im trying yo find info on the armys view of remission and staying in. From reading your post it looks like you may have experienced a similar scenario. any light you can shed on it would be a great help
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#28
hi im post op bowel cancer and am currently going through chemotherapy im trying yo find info on the armys view of remission and staying in. From reading your post it looks like you may have experienced a similar scenario. any light you can shed on it would be a great help
He's probably dead now.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#32
hi im post op bowel cancer and am currently going through chemotherapy im trying yo find info on the armys view of remission and staying in. From reading your post it looks like you may have experienced a similar scenario. any light you can shed on it would be a great help
Hi. I am glad you found help here. On a thread that is 6 years old. I am a doctor currently serving with RAMC and I live to serve.

You are dead, basically. Your arsehole will explode in an horrific stinking explosion of shite and blood. If your dear old Mother is leaning down to say goodbye, it will explode in her face. Keep your lovely sister away from your death bed would be my advice.

Heres a picture of me. I'm a Doctor I am.

Martin Andrew Hall.jpg
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#36
This is the one time that saying "man the fuck up" doesnt apply!
Oh I dunno. Just because ones guts are exploding out of ones jaxie due to cancer of the arsehole, I see no reason to cease reading contemporary poetry.
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top