ARRSE Buzzwords

Discussion in 'Staff College and Staff Officers' started by ravydavygravy, Jan 24, 2002.

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  1. Personal haters..........................

    Throughput.
    Drawdown.
    Key as in it is Key ,not that is the key etc.
    Joined up coalface!!!!!!!
    Or when ordering food etc, "Can i get", instead of i would like to have.

    Smartwords.

    What boll*cks.
     
  2. I'm surprised that there is'nt a Twitter app for this: something like TweetKin.


    No, 'kinTweet is just plain silly, so don't mention it.
     
  3. Here's one from that's been around a while, "value engineering"

    Translates where I work as 'we got an architect and consultant involved, and it's 3428% over budget, can we have the cheaper option?'.
     
  4. At a previous workplace, we played a game called "Wankword Bingo". Basically, you make up a bingo card with all the likely managementspeak phrases on it, and take it with you to the next corporate meeting! Certainly livens it up.

    Sorry if this has already been mentioned, I was too lazy to read the whole ten pages :)
     
  5. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Book Reviewer Good Egg (charities)

    This is the opening paragraph of the first email I opened when I arrived at work today.

    'As a follow on from the Town Hall a few weeks ago, I would like to write to you personally and give you a heads up as to a planned GHRMS reporting change we need to implement to align ourselves to the Company Spans and Layers in PPM.'

    Is it me?
     
  6. GRB - you may wish to lend the author of that mail some of these:

    ,,,,,,........

    I have a few spare.
     
  7. Grownup_Rafbrat

    Grownup_Rafbrat LE Book Reviewer Good Egg (charities)

    Many years ago, as a thrusting young recruit to a particular company, I attended an 'Effective Writing' course. It was a great course, and really helped the company to avoid this sort of nonsense. It introduce me to the 'Gunning Fog Factor', an algorithm to prove the readability or otherwise of your written work.

    The Gunning fog index can be calculated with the following algorithm:
    1. Take a full passage that is around 100 words (do not omit any sentences).
    2. Find the average sentence length (divide the number of words by the number of sentences).
    3. Count words with three or more syllables (complex words), not including proper nouns (for example, Djibouti), familiar jargon or compound words, or common suffixes such as -es, -ed, or -ing as a syllable.
    4. Add the average sentence length and the percentage of complex words (ex., +13.37%, not simply + 0.1337)
    5. Multiply the result by 0.4
    Where is Mr. Gunning when we need him?
     
  8. It's not so much what the buzzwords are, but how speedily, once uttered at the top of a Department, they spread through the whole organisation. This happened so fast in my former Whitehall department that the fastest greased rats engaged in drainpipe racing would be put completely out of business.
    Even promotions were decided on how many buzzwords a candidate could pack into an interview.
    Absolute crap!
     
  9. msr

    msr LE

    How about: "put it on the stoop and see if the cat licks it"?
     
  10. seaweed

    seaweed LE Book Reviewer

    Come on chaps, crisp it up a bit.
     
  11. I heard 'lets Baste the turkey' in a briefing last week.

    WTF does that mean ?

    Followed by 'it's like Turkeys voting for Christmas' about 10 mins later......

    i'm sure someone was playing ****-word bingo !
    :w00t:
     
  12. KINFORMED/KINNOTFORMED since before the days of JCCC, and used on NOTICAS signals.
     
  13. I heard an officer say that "we need to sort out our legacy bow-wave" in NCHQ a few years ao, I'm still pondering it (mainly because I'm a sad tw*t).

    Edited for gRammer
     
  14. They are not "Next of Kin" anymore- they are "Emergency Contact".
     
  15. Maybe Ms Norris is familiar with the works of Siegfreid Sasson and was copying his use of "'kin" as a short form iof the military expletive. Perhaps she was urging her readers to infom Next of Kin speedily and without undue administrative delay. "'Kin inform them - JFDI(*)"

    * Reminds me of a favourite military-esque MLA much used in Norwich Union in the 1990s when Patrick Snowball ex 4/7DG was at the helm.