ARRSE Buzzwords

Staff college teaches normal people to talk gibberish, and it succeeds very well. Can anyone beat " too many sharks closer to the canoe" for making your blood boil?
Obviously that is notwithstanding that old swine " over egging the cake"


I think we need to hit the ground running, keep our eye on the ball, and make sure that we are singing off the same song sheet.  At the end of the day it is not a level playing field and the goal posts may move;  if they do, someone else may have to pick it up and run with it.  We therefore must have a golf bag of options hot-to-trot from the word 'go'.  It is your train set but we cannot afford to leave it on the back burner; we've got a lot of irons in the fire, right now.

We will need to un-stick a few potential poo traps but it all depends on the flash-to-bang time and fudge factor allowed.  Things may end up slipping to the left and, if they do, we will need to run a tight ship.  I don't want to re-invent the wheel but we must get right into the weeds on this one.  If push comes to shove, we may have to up stumps and then we'll be in a whole new ball game.

I suggest we test the water with a few warmers in the bank.  If we can produce the goods then we are cooking with gas.  If not, then we are in a world of hurt.  I don't want to die in a ditch over it but we could easily end up in a flat spin if people start getting twitchy.  To that end, I want to get round the bazaars and make sure the movers and the shakers are on-side from day one.  If you can hit me with your shopping list I can take it to the head honchos and start the ball rolling.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and I think we have backed a winner here.  If it gets blown out the water, however, I will be throwing a track.  So get your feet into my in-tray and give me chapter and verse as to how you see things panning out.  As long as our ducks are in a row I think the ball will stay in play and we can come up smelling of roses.

Before you bomb burst and throw smoke, it is imperative we nail our colours very firmly on the mast and look at the big picture.  We've got to march to the beat of the drum.  We are on a sticky wicket.  we'll need to play with a straight bat and watch out for fast balls.

I've been on permanent send for long enough and I've had my ten pence worth.  I don't want to rock the boat or teach anyone to suck eggs.  We must keep this firmly in our sight picture or it will fall between the cracks.  If the cap fits, wear it, but it may seem like pushing fog up a hill with a sharp stick.  
Judge- absolutely brilliant! It is now printed and on the wall, if anyone says more than 10 buzzwords a day, they get smacked in the kisser.


Judge superb. We dont need to ask what you bring to the party.


Judge, are you a lawyer or what? Who else could waffle so eloquently but still never win. More funny than a bag full of funny things.


So true...
Is there a course for that?


I thought that 'running a tight ship' was our job!

All buddies in boats - just don't bend for the soap

Happiness is 500ft down in a force 10
Quote from PMC (1/2 col) at last mess meeting I attended not too long ago.  'Thanks for that sugesstion I will vector that one in later'.  The  word 'vector' was then repeated several times in the same vain to take into consideration anything that him or his committe had not thought about!!!

One for the Judge I though you blue bloods sung from the same hymn sheets or are you all starting to lose your faith?
Having filled my boots with Judge's post I must remember to get my sh1t in one sock so that I don't end up in a cake and arrse party. That being said, with a bit of on-the-bus, off-the-bus we may just get past first base.

But wait, I hear you say, if we re-vector the problem we could make sure the whole thing isn't a cluster feck. Avoiding the inevitable puts us in a win-win situation with the big man, the head honcho.
We have developed a buzzword competition during prayers you have to see how many you can drop in without getting noticed. :D ;)
Our bosses respond to any attempt to get answers to serious issues with "We are where we are...".

But my favourite is the reference to quick and easy business opportunities as 'low hanging fruit'.
Bullsh*t bingo, fantastic!

Talking from civvy street here: Write down a collection of these “w@nk words” (or phrases) and then see how long it takes until they are all said in the meeting – makes the time pass so much more quickly.

However you need to remember to ‘think outside the box’ in order to be ‘proactive rather than reactive’


I especially liked the reference to a Cpl, who, having just passed a qualification course but was still cr*p at it, was deemed to be suffering from "skill fade"
Classic in a meeting with my boss yesterday - he was talking about cutting back on an area (no more money, resources etc  :() and said "So we'll just be running that on fumes".


Some young thruster recently joined the competition to find obscure ways of describing the familiar. Got it down in print so watch it go.

The "Maritime Internal Battle". Fire on a ship to the rest of us.

Staying at sea (although I'd rather be ashore) there is a "new" word to describe coastal sea areas. "The Littoral". I understand the word "littoral" applies to the coastal sub sea eco system but someone started using it as a geographical term and it took off.

They just keep coming. Ships are now "platforms". A pay rise is an "uplift in renumeration", and my personal favourite: Can't afford it, man it, meet the deadline etc. We are not binning it, it's not on hold, not delayed. We are having a "commitment pause".

Darling, I am not having an affair, I am having a commitment pause.

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