Arrse Astrology Almanac. World predictions for 2017

[thegimp]

Normally someone posts a thread like this. Can't jarrod one so here it is

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WILL HAPPEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2017

If you want to be really smart, put the month it'll happen in

Does are have its own Russell Grant?
Is Paul the Octopus a poster?





if its already been done, suck a dirty dogs baculum

 

[vampireuk]

Spider39 or whatever the mong is posting as now will have surgery to remove several ribs and will choke to death on his own cock.

 

[Murphy_Slaw]

If you want to be really smart, put the month it'll happen in

January

Bugsy will make shit up.

February

Bugsy will make shit up.

March

Bugsy will make shit up.


etc. etc.

 

[Helm]

RGJ will write more bollocks about Muslims, Bugsy will tell lies. Oh and to be more almanacey there wille be a grate plague of sockees to vex ye denizens of ARRSE but be of goode cheer for he mods will smite them both hip and thigh

 

[Cabana]

Stuff will happen.

 

[Bris]

Perma-send from RoyalGreenJacket as the moooslem tracker on Google Alerts goes off.

Until he gets the ROPs again.

 

[Helm]

I see themes forming already

 

[BratMedic]

I specifically predict (and if it comes about do I get a prize?)
August 12th 2017:
@Ravers hosts a shoot on his estate and makes loads of dosh which he uses to host a mahoosive ARRSE piss up. No predictions needed on what happens next.

 

[TinVin]

I specifically predict (and if it comes about do I get a prize?)
August 12th 2017:
@Ravers hosts a shoot on his estate and makes loads of dosh which he uses to host a mahoosive ARRSE piss up. No predictions needed on what happens next.

The Glorious Twelfth will be followed by the Infamous Thirteenth.

 

[Joe_Private]

I specifically predict (and if it comes about do I get a prize?)
August 12th 2017:
@Ravers hosts a shoot on his estate and makes loads of dosh which he uses to invest in a yacht. No predictions needed on what happens next.

...

 

[Blogg]

January.

Shit will happen. Brexit to blame

SNP will come up with more idiotic ideas. English to blame

 

[greyfergie]

earths children will expand and expand - there will be loads more shit threads. The MODs will have to strip down for action and earn their massive salaries in repelling them..........

 

[BratMedic]

earths children will expand and expand - there will be loads more shit threads. The MODs will have to strip down for action and earn their massive salaries in repelling them..........

So you predict a shit storm then?

 

[Ravers]

I specifically predict (and if it comes about do I get a prize?)
August 12th 2017:
@Ravers hosts a shoot on his estate and makes loads of dosh which he uses to host a mahoosive ARRSE piss up. No predictions needed on what happens next.

No grouse up here I'm afraid. We've got a mix of open farmland and coniferous forestry, so pheasant, duck and woodcock only really.

1st October is more likely.

 

[greyfergie]

No grouse up here I'm afraid. We've got a mix of open farmland and coniferous forestry, so pheasant, duck and woodcock only really.

1st October is more likely.

But we're still having the party right?

 

[BratMedic]

No grouse up here I'm afraid. We've got a mix of open farmland and coniferous forestry, so pheasant, duck and woodcock only really.

1st October is more likely.

But we still get the piss-up right? Right? RIGHT?

 

[BratMedic]

All together now...............PISS-UP PISS-UP PISS-UP
Sounds weird if you keep saying it.

 

[Ravers]

I certainly will be.

 

[Ravers]

For the past few years I've posted the same predictions and I've been right on every count.

I expect the same again for 2017:

Who gives a fuck? Nothing has actually changed except the date.

The 1st of Jan 2014, will be much the same as 31st Dec 2013 for most people; same shit weather, same miserable existence, perhaps a day off from their mind numbingly dull jobs to mark the flick over of the calendar if they're lucky.

As usual 2014 will see 'the worst weather on record' and the country come to a complete standstill over a few inches of snow.

We'll see another round of massive buildup followed by disappointing football from England.

A few idiots will gas themselves and their kids by trying to cook in a tent while camping.

Some celebrities will die, people will be upset on Facebook.

Idiot driven TV will dominate the news for the most part, X Factor, Ballroom Dancing, ice skating etc.

As usual summer will be shit, we'll have two weeks of reasonable sunshine, one in May, the other in October.

There will be marginal excitement when America threatens to drop a few bombs on a third world country who's been naughty and we join in, despite what the Daily Mail says, this isn't the start of World War 3.

By far the best part of the year for most people will be the reforming of an old band who were a bit popular in the 80s or 90s, they'll do a big gig in Hyde Park before we all remember why they split up in the first place.

Have I missed anything?

This year I will also add some left wing crusties rioting in London over Brexit or some shit and another terrorist attack on a European city that warrants everyone to change their Facebook profiles to a flag of the affected country.

 

[AfghanAndy]

Our resident snp sock Puppet @Cuamhain5 will continue to post factually incorrect stuff and steer clear of commenting on the SNPs numerous failings.