No doubt many of you can feel 'the quickening', but just so you all know, there can be only one. Who will it be this year? My efforts were thwarted last year by some sort of 'Qman groupies', who insisted on joining in my one mexican waves and bezzering me up all the way to London and back and I couldn't concentrate on being the 'one'. I have changed tactics this year and will be travelling with a group, in the conceipted hope that I can out-one them at the last and become the one. I have gone into training for this annual extravaganza and festival of idiocy and last night popped out a tiny little poo whilst farting. Surely a sign of the grandeur to come on the first weekend in May.