Army official voicemail message

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by arfurwing, Oct 28, 2011.

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    Thank you for calling the British Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specifics of the crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Afghanistan, Northern Ireland, the Millennium Bug, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory Equal Opportunities training we will return your call.

    Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following:

    If your crisis is small and close to the sea, Press 1 for Royal Marines.

    If your concern is distant, with tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, please Press 'hash' for the Royal Air Force. (Please note that this service is not available after 1630hrs or at the weekend).

    If your enquiry concerns a situation that can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting flags and a really good marching band, please write well in advance to 'The First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, Whitehall'.

    If your enquiry is not urgent, Press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.

    If you are in real, hot trouble please Press 3 and your call will be routed to Sandline International (mercenary services).

    If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, and are prepared to work your arse off daily, risking life and limb in all weathers and terrain, both day and night whilst watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and conditions of service, the please stay on the line... Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop down by the railway station.

    Have a pleasant day and thank you again for trying to contact the British Army.
  2. Never heard one that before.
    • Like Like x 2
  3. Kids, before cutting and pasting. STOP, THINK!
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Oh my word, I have travelled back in time to 2003!
    • Like Like x 4
  5. Quick, Robin to the bat time-machine. We can travel back to when this was funny.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. [​IMG]

    Jolly good - keep 'em coming.
  7. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Is it not a tad early to worry about the Millennium Bug? I feel sure we will find a solution over the next 989 years.
  8. chimera

    chimera LE Moderator

    This was around when Centurian was a rank rather than a tank.
  9. Well, that's two of his threads flamed in a morning. Has he started any others?
  10. Even Sgt Braille was around in the Roman Empire.