Army Divorce Rates Lowest for 35 Years, Latest Poll Suggests

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by MS_Rep, Feb 2, 2005.

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  1. MS_Rep

    MS_Rep RIP

    The results of a poll collated today by DM(A) from replies received by AG’s Continuous Attitude Survey over the years, show that divorce rates across the Army have been falling steadily since 1969.

    Accurate figures are unavailable due to the high rate of sickness amongst AG and DM(A) staff at Upavon this week, however, a spokesman for the PM is rumoured to have said:

    “Tony was a bit worried about the divorce rate in the Army, but his advisors assured him that if the troops are away on ops for long enough in any one year, then they would not be in the country long enough to vote against him at the next election. The PM takes this matter extremely seriously indeed and has noted that, in particular, the Infantry divorce rate has been reduced to zero since 17 December 2004. He is delighted by this news :roll:

    Of course we must bear in mind that 17 December 2004 was the day that Tony got Jacko to announce the results of the FAS and FIS. And yes we all know that CGS complained bitterly to Tony that he had to cancel his Xmas shopping in Oxford St that morning to get booted and suited for the TV interview (and the presentation he had to make to us all in MB that morning :oops: )

    The Poll Results show the following trends:

    H/Cav – no change – no marriages of significance :wink:

    Household Div & LONDIST – ditto; plus they are all Nulab sp anyway :(

    RAC – no change – such a tiny % of the Army that any figures would be irrelevant :wink:

    Arty – no figures available as they either failed to submit their returns on time – or that the gunners tore up and binned every CAS letter they ever received :D

    RE – theirs remains the second highest divorce rate in the Army. Some analysts believe that this is due not only to continual back to back op tours, but also that Sappers are, in the main, pretty ineffective in bed. (so was the Bangelor Torpedo withdrawn then or what?)

    Sigs – divorce rate has dropped. Lets be clear, any signaller who doesn’t have the balls to have left by now for Orange, Plessey, Racal, BAe etc etc, will be easily kept content with the wife/husband he/she started out with and will not wish to rock the boat :lol:

    INT CORPS – their divorce rate remains the highest in the Army since 1969. Bet they never told you this at RMAS when you were choosing a job for life then chaps 8O As well as being the most committed (to ops, not to the job) troops, their wives/husbands remain with their partners out of a sense of mild curiosity and a hope that they can set themselves up as spies/grasses/sleepers and earn some real money. Everyone in the INT CORPS is insanely jealous of the Inf – see next para...

    Inf – as revealed earlier, their divorce rate has stalled due to the generous financial package offered by redundancy to 1000+ pers over the next 2 years (lets be clear, if your partner won £145,000 on the lottery, would you be leaving them now?)

    AAC – Divorce Rate Static – all Essex women love a good pilot – and it’s not within my gift to dissuade them otherwise (even if I could) :eek:

    I could go on, I suppose… but then I have covered the combat and combat support arms, so that will have to do for now.

    Anyone with any RC stuff on the CSS and PQO sections of the Army please feel free to post in here.

    Oh, and if anyone has a differing view on the Cbt/Cbt sp lot, far be it for me (for one so recently joined) to put you off doing so…

    Debate time? Bring it on in here…..
    :wink: :wink: