Army Commando in just 3 days

Discussion in 'The Training Wing' started by GunnySonics, Sep 27, 2007.

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  1. Heres some great news for squaddies that want to wear the coveted Green Beret but cant be arsed earning it :wink:

    Here's what you need

    1. One Pen.
    2. An AFG8614 Stores Pad.
    3. Tape Measure.
    4. Fax Machine (or access to one will be fine).
    5. An oppo to fill in the pad and measure your head with the tape.

    Step One
    Get oppo to measure your napper with tape measure.

    Step Two
    Get oppo to fill in AFG8416 pad with stores number 8430-99-1302166 Beret EA QTY 1
    (oppo preferebly Marine/Sailor/Airman or other non illiterate cnut :-squaddies need not apply)

    Step Three
    Take form AFG8614 and fax to military code 9352 484343 remembering to put your postal address on the form

    Step Four
    Await 3 days for Beret to arrive, book a sh@tload of leave, telling oppos your off to do the All Arms Commando Course.

    Step Five
    Sit at home on leave watching Jeremy Kyle & reading Combat & Survival

    Step Six
    Return to work wearing coveted green lid with pride and confuse your oppo's with your extra bellys and double chins from sofa circuits.

  2. Would this work for SAS? I suppose it would take much longer ... about five days.
  3. could just wear it first day of new posting
  4. I s'pose it could work with the following factors changed:-

    1.The Length of leave would have to be larger to equate for the amount of time you are "away on selection".

    2.The stores number of beret would need to be changed.

    3.You would be required to read Bravo Two Zero and learn all the walts, i mean characters names such as "Johnny 2Strands" etc etc.

    4.You would be required to wear masking tape over your eyes everytime you leave the house to buy the paper

    So with these factors taken into consideration I believe its feasable.
  5. yes but you would also have to leave for about 2 years for the time spent in the sas
  6. Two options here my man.

    Option One
    Leave the army and join the Naafi Corps for 2 years serving tea and stickies on another camp far far away from your old unit. Do this for 2 years before rejoining the army picking up bonus ££££ for seeing the light and rejoining, rejoin old unit and spin walt dits on your capture behind enemy lines, write a book and leave the army to become security advisor for ToysRus.

    Option Two
    Leave the army and join the Cadets as full time instructor spinning all your SF dits to young wannabe paratroopers and tank drivers, giving them tips on how to make a packed lunch from contents of grandpa's compost heap.
  7. on
    Chuzu says ''You'd have to leave your unit for about 2 years''
    As long as your pay goes into your account this is bad how?
  8. The pay aspect would be no problem, heres how:-

    Before you leave the Army, befriend one of the stores chimps, steal his/her keys and make a copy of them.
    Use the copied keys to enter stores complex at your leisure, steal and hoard various items of military kit in your garage/loft.
    Once your are in civvy street, use said military items to flog weekly on Fleabay thus giving you a nice weekly wage.

    The folowing are much sought after items on Fleabay:-

    1.Desert Socks, no holes, must be left and right foot.

    2.BFA rifle muzzle, in pink.

    3.Susat sight for crossed eyed snipers.

    4.AtoZ of Basra.

    5.Boil in the Bag meals for pensioners.

    6.Left handed screwdrivers with military pattern numbers.

    7.Commando Berets.

    8.Iraqi Fighter Pilot Suits. (Surplus, buy 1 get 500 free)

    9.Royal Navy rigid inflatable boats, local pickup only (Iran)

    10.Paperback copies of Bravo 2 Zero by Walt McNabb
  9. This all sounds so good, i don't how it could ever fail. What was the name of the form again?
  10. AFG8614

    available from the Shiny Arse Stores Chimps on base or contact the Shiny Shiny Arse F@ckers at Bicester.

  11. Shurely shome mishtake 8O