army annual reports.........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Poppy, May 16, 2005.

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  1. Apologies if you have seen this before - can't be bothered looking through joke thread
    :lol:

    1st RO on Sgt Eng Tech EL

    "However he maintains a good level of physical fitness by frequently walking his hyperactive dog".

    __________________________________________________________

    3rd RO on Jnr Tech MUSN

    "Jnr Tech ****** quietly gets on with his work without blowing his own
    trumpet".

    __________________________________________________________

    3rd RO on Chf Tech Eng Tech EL

    "Chf Tech ****** does not suffer fools gladly - he should show more tact
    when the fools are at a higher rank".

    _________________________________________________________


    CURIOUS STATEMENTS/CONTRADICTIONS

    1st RO on SAC ASOP

    "A family illness recently caused her Falklands detachment to be cancelled
    and to her credit she never allowed her personal problems to interfere with
    her service commitments".

    __________________________________________________________

    2nd RO on FS A Eng Tech

    "He helps to maintain his high fitness level through badminton, swimming and chasing tradesmen around the hanger".

    _________________________________________________________

    1st RO on SAC/A/Cpl RAFP

    "Whilst not a particularly good NCO I believe he has the potential to have
    made an excellent officer".

    __________________________________________________________

    2nd RO on Cpl Pers Admin

    "His confident attitude and open humour made him a popular individual who
    had a refreshing attitude to life and an open adoration for Cilla Black,
    which I could never understand".

    __________________________________________________________

    2nd RO on SAC ASOP

    "SAC ****** has day dreamed his blissful way through another year of
    disembodied euphoria. Unruffled, easy going, un-resentful, unhurried, he
    drifts his quiet way through days and nights of shifts leaving barely a
    ripple".

    __________________________________________________________





    SUMMING UP AN INDIVIDUAL IN ONE SENTENCE1st RO on SAC MTD

    "He has given the me impression of being an experienced mountaineer who has settled for climbing Ben Nevis when he could quite easily conquer Everest".

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on SAC Pers Admin

    "Under pressure SAC ****** tends to take the bull by the throat rather than
    by the horns".

    __________________________________________________________

    2nd RO on SAC Chef

    "His laziness and low standards of work have alienated the majority of his
    work mates to such an extent that being on shift with him is seen as a
    punishment".

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on Cpl Eng Tech EL

    "Cpl ****** is as frustrating as a firework that refuses to ignite".

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on SAC Std

    "He is the most evenly balanced Steward on the Station, he has a chip on
    both shoulders".

    __________________________________________________________

    2nd RO on Sgt Eng Tech AV

    "A keen angler who would rather catch fish than try to out drink them".

    __________________________________________________________




    OUTRIGHT INSULTS

    1st RO on SAC Pers Admin

    "SAC ****** is a cheerful young man with a pleasant smile and co-operative manner. At this point his good qualities cease".



    1st RO on Sgt RAFP

    "His contribution to the Sqn is minimal, on his good days he makes up the
    numbers. He has been sick for some time and we are investigating the
    possibility of having him posted 'non-effective', which is also an accurate
    description of him when he is here".

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on SAC Std

    "In my opinion the best contribution he can make to the Royal Air Force is
    to leave".

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on SAC Supplr

    "Frankly SAC ****** is useless, there is no other way to say it".

    __________________________________________________________






    POOR ENGLISH

    1st RO on Sgt Eng Tech EL

    "He swims and cycles to work to keep himself fit" (at Brize Norton).

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on SAC FFTR

    "To conclude, SAC ****** has decided to terminate his life and career within the RAF for employment with the police force".

    On which the 3rd RO comments:

    "Contrary to the 1st RO's belief, SAC ****** wishes to terminate his RAF
    career, not his life".

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on Cpl Med Admin

    "He is single, but is in a stable relationship with a 3year old daughter. He
    therefore lives off station in his own house".

    __________________________________________________________



    1st RO on Cpl Pers Admin

    "She has provided much needed stiffening to the section during the tours of
    two unremarkable SNCOs".

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO on Cpl Eng Tech AV

    "Cpl ****** has been involved in arranging for the care of his father who is recently deceased".

    __________________________________________________________




    NOT ATTRIBUTED

    Hopefully he will mature into an engineer, but at this time the best
    description of him is a well spoken twit.

    __________________________________________________________

    He has made no secret of his ambition to one day becoming commissioned, with a preference for the admin branch.

    __________________________________________________________

    Her typing, whilst energetic, will keep the makers of Snopake happy for a
    long time.



    __________________________________________________________

    SAC ****** is still immature and, at times, a scruffy airman, however, it is
    hoped that his recent marriage will offer him some sense of responsibility,
    and someone to do the ironing.

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO - The club he runs recently raised money for a local disabled person
    to have an electric chair.

    2ND RO - I think I should point out that the electric chair mentioned by the
    assessor has wheels and is used to help the owner to get about. As far as I
    am aware Cpl ****** has no homicidal tendencies.

    __________________________________________________________

    In his established post he only has to supervise the work of one Group
    Captain.



    __________________________________________________________

    As a character Chf Tech ****** is rather rotund in appearance and is apt to produce rude noises from either end of his frame, at regular intervals.

    ..... and particularly irksome is his use of "10-4" in place of the more
    acceptable "yes, sir".

    He leaves the service this year which should allow his supervisors, various
    members of the admin staff and the investigation branch to return to normal
    duties.



    __________________________________________________________

    Jnr Tech ****** is an active member of the station Tai Kwon Do club, and can often be seen leaping around the station in his pyjamas.

    __________________________________________________________

    He is employed as a VDU operator. He spends most of his time operating a
    VDU.



    __________________________________________________________

    He must, as a matter of urgency, learn to control his tendency, when off
    duty, to attack RAF policemen.

    __________________________________________________________

    ...... his character is about as dynamic as a feather pillow.



    __________________________________________________________

    ****** has developed the knack of ensuring that most personnel on the
    squadron who have any dealings with him for more than 15 mins at a time,
    would happily use him for target practice on the rifle range.

    __________________________________________________________

    His woeful _expression gives him the air of a cocker spaniel who has just
    received bad news.

    __________________________________________________________

    In a year that has had her re-married, posted and given a totally new piece
    of equipment to work with, SACW ****** has come out of it reasonably well.

    __________________________________________________________

    A beer drinking, swashbuckling, full member of the Air Force, the kind you
    would select when the going gets tough ****** has been very useful in
    teaching our new recruits the ins and outs of service life.

    This was confirmed with the originator, whose further comment was: She's a real man".

    __________________________________________________________

    Unfortunately Cpl ****** is less reliable than his dog.

    __________________________________________________________

    SAC ****** has been what a haemorrhoid is to a human from the start of the course. He also found himself pitchforked into the Officers Mess where he was up against some very cute cookies.

    __________________________________________________________

    3rd RO. Cpl ****** biggest problem would seem to be his inability to ignore a pretty female face! While I admire his sentiments, he is frequently
    distracted from his primary task and this is reflected in his numerical
    assessments and promotion recommendation. If he does not respond to
    counselling, we may have to resort to bromide in the tea!





    3rd RO. Generally very sensible in his outlook, he has been involved in a
    few bizarre incidents, mainly associated with beer and bicycles, which have
    resulted in him sustaining some personal injuries. I'm glad to report that
    such incidents are becoming far less frequent, mainly because he now shows a more reasoned and consistent judgement, but also because people are less prepared to lend him their bicycles.

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO. SAC ****** has the uncanny knack of pulling the wool over his
    superiors' eyes by giving them the opinion he knows what is going on around him.

    2nd RO. Amended promotion. Rec. From (Rec) to 5 (HRec).

    __________________________________________________________

    3rd RO. ... and established himself, in the eyes of his superiors, as the
    most competent aerial erector in the flight.

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO. His ability to empty a crewroom, merely by being there, usually
    after a meal of curry or beans, could be a disadvantage in a staff post.

    __________________________________________________________

    Sgt ****** remains on good terms with his first wife, has acrimonious
    dealings with his second and appears happily married to his third. The
    numerous offspring further complicate matters.

    __________________________________________________________

    He can show a kindness and tact when necessary but can equally turn a
    transgressing airman into a pillar of salt (or jelly) at 100 yards. He has
    frightened me, as a casual observer.

    __________________________________________________________

    SAC ****** is tall, blond and handsome; every mother's dream of an ideal
    son-in-law. The trouble is that he doesn't differentiate between mothers and daughters.

    __________________________________________________________

    2nd RO. He does his best but needs more practice at being "beastly to the
    troops".

    ______________________________________________________

    1st RO. He is a keen supporter of York City but manages to stay cheerful
    during the football season.

    __________________________________________________________

    1st RO. It is difficult to comment about ******'s supervisory abilities as
    he has only one subordinate on the unit, whom he dislikes working with and
    avoids socially.



    __________________________________________________________

    ******'s appetite for adventure and physical exertion fully justifies his
    nickname "Rambo".



    __________________________________________________________

    I can see little hope in Cpl... progressing any further, short of a major
    outbreak of hostilities, culminating in a high mortality rate.

    __________________________________________________________

    WO ****** is a 9 to 4, as opposed to an 8 to 5 man, and the RAF will not
    miss him when he leaves - he has already retired.

    F6442 NARRATIVE COMMENTS

    These are actual comments made by Reporting Officers and were provided by the "Reading Cell" at RAF PMC. Although the Cell is now defunct, rumour has it that it is about to be reintroduced.

    Cpl Spplr (2nd RO)

    "He is not unintelligent, just somewhat stupid".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl L Tech AD (3rd RO)

    "In the short time I have known him, he has had a reputation for never being at work, being either on standdown or sport, or time off in lieu".

    __________________________________________________________

    SAC Gnr (3rd RO)

    "SAC ****** went through an unfortunate phase of rolling tanks over by being a bit too aggressive whilst driving them. Fortunately, he survived these experiences with only his pride dented - I wish I could say the same for the tanks".

    __________________________________________________________

    Sgt Gnr (3rd RO)

    "Sgt ****** will enjoy his forthcoming tour in Belize where there are lots
    of donkeys for him to talk the hind legs off".

    __________________________________________________________

    SAC F'Man (2nd RO)

    It would appear that SAC ****** wants to go from chrysalis to butterfly
    without the creepy-crawly bits in between".

    __________________________________________________________



    SAC P&A Clk (2nd RO)

    "Recently he was drinking late with a fellow clerk when he decided that his
    friend had had too much to drink - so he had him arrested by the RAF Police.
    I feel a more appropriate course of action would have been to take his
    friend home".

    __________________________________________________________

    Jnr Tech A Tech A (1st RO)

    "Jnr Tech ****** is, as far as the RAF is concerned, an 'if only' case. If
    only he was interested - if only he was motivated - if only he was involved.
    However, he does his job, albeit with more chasing by his supervisors than
    is normal. He will complete his service, leave with a 'beer call' and people
    will think "oh yes, he was a good fellow".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl (W) P&A Clk (2nd RO)

    "When she is on her own her supervisory capabilities are more in evidence".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl A Tech P (2nd RO)

    "He is a tall, well-built Welshman who looks as if he could play rugby for
    his country; if not, at least he could chop down the trees used for the goal
    posts.

    __________________________________________________________

    SACW AATC (1st RO)

    "SACW ****** must be to the emancipation of womanhood what concrete is to flying".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl P&A Clk (1st/2nd RO)

    1st RO - "He accepts that he has no career prospects in the RAF and his sole
    ambition when he leaves the Service is to become a long-distance lorry
    driver; a lonely job for which he is well-suited. Alternatively, he should
    consider the quiet contemplative life of a Trappist Monk".

    2nd RO - "I am pleased to see a slight improvement in Cpl ******'s overall
    performance since last year".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl Supplr (1st RO)

    "Cpl ******'s attitude appears to be one of setting himself a daily minimum workload target, then regularly failing to achieve it".

    __________________________________________________________

    Sgt Pers Admin (2nd RO)

    "He can at best be likened to a hoop - when being driven by a stick performs reasonably well, but when the stick is taken away, wobbles precariously to a halt".

    __________________________________________________________

    Sgt Chef (3rd RO)

    "Commenting on a couple who both have volatile temperaments, the husband with one view
    saucepan is the better may win the argument.

    __________________________________________________________

    SAC Supplr (3rd RO)

    "A painfully quiet and withdrawn individual who would need a pedestal to
    stand out in a crowd. I fear he is destined to remain a drone".

    __________________________________________________________

    SAC TCO (2nd RO)

    "though it is unlikely he will ever become a 'hare', SAC ****** is
    nevertheless a steady and faithful tortoise".

    __________________________________________________________

    WO A Tech P (3rd RO)

    "WO ****** is magic. He has the wisdom and experience of his years, the
    energy of a 20 year old, and the subtlety of a flying house brick".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl MT Tech (2nd RO)

    "Cpl ****** may only be 20 years old but he is in effect a middle-aged
    hen-pecked husband".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl Gen Tech GSE (3rd RO)

    "Cpl ****** is awkward to talk to, and on occasions trying to get
    information out of him is like trying to get dead flies off a windscreen".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl(W) AATC (2nd RO)

    "When she arrived it was feared in some quarters that one so petite might
    have some difficulty in dealing with the hulking young men she was asked to supervise. She floats like a butterfly but can sting like a bee - in the
    nicest possible way".

    __________________________________________________________

    Cpl A Tech P (3rd RO)

    "I only met Cpl ****** once before his accident and it is difficult to
    assess someone in hospital, particularly when he is in an oxygen tent".


    ---
     
  2. Very good Poppy, just about all of them sum up my career. :D
     
  3. Lot of blokes with the same name in the RAF isn't there.
     
  4. Oops - someone sent it to me and i didn't look too closely - thought it was a mixture of forces :oops:
     
  5. Super funny still!

    :D