Armed Police

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Chodmeister, Sep 25, 2011.

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  1. Question:
    How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

    First - Lets pose the following question:

    You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night.
    Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.
    You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.

    What do you do?


    Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.
    1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
    3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    4) Am I dressed provocatively?
    5) Could I run away?
    6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
    7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
    8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
    9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society?
    10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?
    12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
    13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?




    (Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping!)
  2. Yup, sums it all up nicely.
  3. Bang on (excuse the pun). When I lived in Battersea I watched out of my window as the OB targeted a house opposite. They'd had reports of a guy with a firearm. The Plod were all over the street targeting the house, and eventually 4 or 5 of them shuffled up to the front door, huddled behind a ballistic shield. I was waiting for them to kick the door in and storm the place - and then they very politely knocked on the door...

    I knew a guy in Jo'burg who shot two 'first time voters' dead with single shots to the head in about 2 secs. In fairness, one of them was trying to plant a knife in his head as they were trying to mug him.

    The SAP came along and said 'Yuss, thet's only bleddy good shooting, heh?"
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Good ol' SAP. :)
  5. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    NYPD OFFICER (with issue Glock 19):
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! "I've wounded him ! Someone call an ambulance !"
    (Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping, only one bystander killed !)

    NYPD is infamous for poor training and a department philosophy that created the Glock NY1 and NY2 trigger springs.
    For example.
  6. Linky no worky.
  7. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Won't for me now either. Strange.
    Still have it open in another tab:

    Fatal Shot on a Stoop May Be Tied to the Police
    Published: September 7, 2011
    [New York Times]

    A bystander who was fatally shot on a Brooklyn stoop may have been killed by a police officer’s errant round, ballistics testing indicated on Wednesday.

    The 9-millimeter handgun that investigators say one man used to kill another on a street in Crown Heights on Monday has been eliminated as the source of a bullet that fatally struck the bystander, Denise Gay, 56, a retired home health aide, the police said.

    After the violence on Monday, some witnesses said they thought the man who was killed, Eusi Johnson, also had a gun, but none has been found.

    Asked if a bullet fired by a police officer could have been the fatal shot, Paul J. Browne, the Police Department’s chief spokesman, said it could have been. “Was it one of the officers’ Glocks? Possibly,” he said. “Was it from the gun witnesses said Mr. Johnson had, but has not been recovered? Possibly.”

    The ballistics tests determined that the bullet that killed Ms. Gay, from a 9-millimeter gun, had markings consistent with those made by seven manufacturers’ guns, including Glock.

    It was doubtful whether the source of the shot that killed Ms. Gay would definitively be determined, even by comparing the slug to those from the Glocks fired by two officers, the police said, because of the generic markings the lead slug picked up as it passed through the gun’s barrel. Also, the round retrieved from Ms. Gay’s body was deformed.

    The shooting on Monday erupted just after 9 p.m., when, the police said, Leroy Webster, 32, opened fire on Mr. Johnson, 29, in a dispute that escalated after an earlier confrontation the men had on Park Place, blocks away from the path of the West Indian Day Parade.

    As Mr. Webster fired several shots, the police said, Mr. Johnson was struck in the neck and fell mortally wounded.

    Several officers confronted Mr. Webster, who officials said ignored their orders and fired at them. Eight officers returned fire — in two distinct volleys — firing 73 bullets and striking Mr. Webster twice, in his chest and hip.

    Two of those officers used Glocks to fire 15 rounds, the police said. One of those officers was also wounded, the police said.

    A few witnesses, including Ms. Gay’s daughter, initially said they believed Mr. Webster had most likely fired the round that killed her, the police said. In addition, in interviews with investigators, some witnesses described muzzle flashes coming from a gun in Mr. Johnson’s hand. The police have not located a gun and could not confirm if he was carrying one.

    Charges are pending against Mr. Webster, who is in critical but stable condition.

    A version of this article appeared in print on September 8, 2011, on page A24 of the New York edition with the headline: Fatal Shot On a Stoop May Be Tied To the Police.
  8. 73 shots, two hits?! Equal opportunities is one thing but if I was a New Yorker I wouldn't be too impressed about the NYPD hiring and arming men who're quite obviously legally blind.
  9. If we go by rounds fired as indicators (rather than sighters), IIRC statistics indicate that it took somewhere in excess of 24k rounds fired in NI to get a confirmed kill. Using that metric, we could assume that only the 1st and 2nd bns St Dunstan's Own took part in the campaign. That said, having had the misfortune to share a range on a few occasions with police forces from various countries, the fact that these plods managed to point the weapon down range is something of an achievement.
  10. NYPD suffered for decades under a training program that taught speed over accuracy. During the wheelgun era, the FBI came out with a study that said most gunfights happen within 7 ft, and the winner is who gets off the most shots. So NYPD rodmans neck (the Range) taught fire your six as fast as possible, and get your dump pouch open (Speed reloaders not allowed as not reliable, nor Bianchi strip loaders) and reload. Add to this a sudden influx in recruits with no Military experience or any experience ever handling firearms and shots went up vs. hits.

    a Black Officer apprehended a White teen throwing light bulbs from the elevated line in queens, had his revolver cocked and when he jammed the kid in the foreheadwith it , it went off to his surprise. I watched another cop(a patrol sergeant) attempt to unload a Mossberg by taking it out of the store and getting ready to fire it. The store owner had racked it when he was unsuccessfully robbed. I pointed out the button on the trigger guard that allows one to unload the chamber without shooting. You would have thought I just showed him pictures of his mom blowing me he was so pissed off at being corrected by a civilian.

    I once had a boss who was NYPD detective in the 50's. Shot a guy 5 times. when asked by Internal affiars why he shot the skell 5 times? he said I had 5 bullets case closed.

    Today, the range time is a lot better but still you have guys emptying the mag. I have a friend from Army days who instructs at Rodmans neck and the "MOUT" site(forgot what they call it) I get to go there on occasion and fire some of their collection including a M1918A1 Thompson and a STG 44.
  11. Whilst the OP's joke is amusing, I think that Mark Duggan is proof that plod aren't actually all that touchy-feely in good old Blighty!

    Although the record is somewhat tarnished by the fact that one of the chaps who shot him also nearly shot their oppo.
  12. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Skellum or not, no-one has the right to gun others down.

    The fact he only 'nearly' shot his oppo is down purely to luck and both a reflection of the trg and a measure of the quality of officer that is now permitted to carry out these types of operation.

    Before every Police Offr, Monkey, Hobby Bobby, Plastic cop and assorted Copophile leaps in, I'd like to point out that while of course I don't include everyone in that statement, it is nonetheless true that a growing number of them are not presently suitable for the position they hold.
  13. Ooh, edgy.
  15. I understand what you are saying (New Commissioner with balls). But I would shoot? YES! . My grounds to court would be :a) I'm alone, b) The suspect is armed with a knife and he lunged at me. (Suspect was already potentially committing the offences of; in order, ATTEMPT MURDER, GBH WITH INTENT, AFFRAY, POSSESSION OF OFFENSIVE WEAPON. The guy/girl will be in a morgue within several hours (death by police) but he/she may have a criminal record that takes up quite a bit of paper when you get it printed out to put into the case papers. Looking into intelligence, there may be quite a big track record of this person with markers that suggest that they are dangerous and this information may have been relayed to me prior to taking the shot. As an officer you need to to look at why you are in a confrontation with this individual - Are there any serious offences, alledged or apparent? A good officer would probably have this information prior to taking a shot due to the fact that they wold have been on the radio asking the control center for INT. Yeah, It's not the same in the US but we have a different legislatory process and our police are not armed. Having non-armed police is something that the UK population are both proud and happy with and if you think about it in your own context - Would you like the police that patrol your street (outside your house) walk down your street with an MP5 whilst your children are playing in the front garden? I know I wouldn't. Due to what I hear, see, deal with, on a regular basis in LONDON firearms are required as the police do an amazing job but are over run at times by criminal gangs who they can not subdue. Without an armed police capability. These mobs WILL eventually over run any preventative lawful police activity as nobody will challenge them and British society will suffer incredible detriment. We have just seen a series of riots that have not just caused the tax payer a substantial fee in extra policing and crime management (bearing in mind that over 50% of offenders had previous convictions) but lives have been lost, premises and homes destroyed, officers injured. Is this the UK of before? Our troops are fighting in Afghan and taking the toll. UK scroats can't see sense and behave themselves for the sake of a HD TV or a free Playstation robbed from the local CURRY's.

    Then next time somebody threatens my life (and the grounds are there, knowing I can substanciate those in court) I will shoot them.
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