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Armed Forces - The Women in Power

#1
As it stands, women make up something like 8% of the Armed Forces (off the top of my head) – but could you imagine how different things would be if it were the other way around?

1. Mess Functions:

Starter: Glass of Bucks Fizz
Main Course: Nothing, followed by nicking some of bloke’s sat next to her when his arrives
Dessert: Chocs (or ice cream following recent spat with bloke)

2. Getting bollocked by female RSM:

Bloke: “You want to see me Ma’am?”
RSM: “Oh it’s nothing…”
Bloke: “Are you sure Ma’am? I thought I’d done something wrong?”
RSM: “No, no …really, it’s nothing”
Bloke: “Really Ma’am, only I was told I was in trouble you see?”
RSM: ”Honestly, it’s fine, don’t worry about it ok?”
Bloke: “Well if that’s everything then, I’ll be on my way…”
RSM: “Fine”
Bloke falls out, just about to reach the door…
RSM mumbles under her breath: “Fuggin mess bill’s overdue… you look like a bag of shit…” etc

3. Every bloke takes leave 1 week per month, preferably in far away place.

4. Bedding store:

Line up for mattress, blankets, pillows, cushions, smooshies (whatever they’re called), hot water bottle, bedside candles, PJ’s (or ridiculously large T-Shirt otherwise known as ‘nightie’), cuddly toy (Sgt Slingsby?), photo frame for other half and bedside book.

Can anyone think of a few more? Or am I being a little sexist?
 
#2
Convoy Drills:

OC (FM) - Left here Driver
Me (Driver - Male) - turning left now Ma'am
OC - err no, actually, I think it's right...
Me - turning right now Ma'am
OC - or did I mean left...I tell you what, you decide then tell me what you've done
 
#5
Storeman Norman said:
Convoy Drills:

OC (FM) - Left here Driver
Me (Driver - Male) - turning left now Ma'am
OC - err no, actually, I think it's right...
Me - turning right now Ma'am
OC - or did I mean left...I tell you what, you decide then tell me what you've done
Don't you know, we girls don't know "left" and "right" when driving - it's "my way" or "your way"! :roll: :D









(Says Dozy, who very recently had to have "L" & "R" written on her hands on a range day. :oops: )
 
#6
Line up for mattress, blankets, pillows, cushions, smooshies (whatever they’re called), hot water bottle, bedside candles, PJ’s (or ridiculously large T-Shirt otherwise known as ‘nightie’), cuddly toy (Sgt Slingsby?), photo frame for other half and bedside book.

Can anyone think of a few more? Or am I being a little sexist?
You missed out the dildo for the bedside drawer! Along with a pack of paracetomols :lol:
 
#9
DozyBint said:
Don't you know, we girls don't know "left" and "right" when driving - it's "my way" or "your way"!
Which is actually a euphemism for the "right way" (clout, clout, "you stoopid ferkin' blerk") or the "wrong way" (clout clout clout etc etc)!
 
#11
DozyBint said:
(Says Dozy, who very recently had to have "L" & "R" written on her hands on a range day. :oops: )
Doze....hold your left hand up in front of you, palm facing away from you! The index finger and thumb make a Luh for left!! Simples.........taught to me by my 10 year old son :D
 

TheresaMay

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
#12
bossyboots said:
Line up for mattress, blankets, pillows, cushions, smooshies (whatever they’re called), hot water bottle, bedside candles, PJ’s (or ridiculously large T-Shirt otherwise known as ‘nightie’), cuddly toy (Sgt Slingsby?), photo frame for other half and bedside book.

Can anyone think of a few more? Or am I being a little sexist?
You missed out the dildo for the bedside drawer! Along with a pack of paracetomols :lol:
Ah yes - the intimidating 3 inch 'pocket bullet'.

I was gonna add paracetamol / indigestion tablets to the 4th course of the Mess Function instead of 'coffee and mints', and a lie down instead of port and cigars.
 
#13
bigbird67 said:
Doze....hold your left hand up in front of you, palm facing away from you! The index finger and thumb make a Luh for left!! Simples.........taught to me by my 10 year old son :D
Now she tells me! I had 3 targets in front of me, was told to aim at the target on the right, I processed that information and nodded, all the while lining up on the target on the left! :oops: Good grouping though! :D
 
#15
DozyBint said:
bigbird67 said:
Doze....hold your left hand up in front of you, palm facing away from you! The index finger and thumb make a Luh for left!! Simples.........taught to me by my 10 year old son :D
Now she tells me! I had 3 targets in front of me, was told to aim at the target on the right, I processed that information and nodded, all the while lining up on the target on the left! :oops: Good grouping though! :D
<------------------------------------------>

that is six inches :D
 
#16
mistersoft said:
Would be mess meetings etc have to be rescheduled as they might clash with Corrie/Emmerdale/Hobly City/Casualty etc?
No cos they have no totty!! CSI and NCIS however are a different matter, and rugby matches because of 'thighage' issues...
 
#17
Oh and could someone please design a webbing pouch just the right size for a powder compact, a lip gloss and a tampax? Ta muchly


Oh and a small chocolate bar or creme egg
 
#18
o h oh oh and can you put nutritional info on rat packs please! Not too bothered about vitamins, salt etc but saturated fat/calories would be good, cos then we can work out Weight Watchers points!!
 
#19
bigbird67 said:
o h oh oh and can you put nutritional info on rat packs please! Not too bothered about vitamins, salt etc but saturated fat/calories would be good, cos then we can work out Weight Watchers points!!
or just have the points printed on them?
 

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