Armed Forces - The Women in Power

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by JesterRIP, Feb 4, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. As it stands, women make up something like 8% of the Armed Forces (off the top of my head) – but could you imagine how different things would be if it were the other way around?

    1. Mess Functions:

    Starter: Glass of Bucks Fizz
    Main Course: Nothing, followed by nicking some of bloke’s sat next to her when his arrives
    Dessert: Chocs (or ice cream following recent spat with bloke)

    2. Getting bollocked by female RSM:

    Bloke: “You want to see me Ma’am?”
    RSM: “Oh it’s nothing…”
    Bloke: “Are you sure Ma’am? I thought I’d done something wrong?”
    RSM: “No, no …really, it’s nothing”
    Bloke: “Really Ma’am, only I was told I was in trouble you see?”
    RSM: ”Honestly, it’s fine, don’t worry about it ok?”
    Bloke: “Well if that’s everything then, I’ll be on my way…”
    RSM: “Fine”
    Bloke falls out, just about to reach the door…
    RSM mumbles under her breath: “Fuggin mess bill’s overdue… you look like a bag of shit…” etc

    3. Every bloke takes leave 1 week per month, preferably in far away place.

    4. Bedding store:

    Line up for mattress, blankets, pillows, cushions, smooshies (whatever they’re called), hot water bottle, bedside candles, PJ’s (or ridiculously large T-Shirt otherwise known as ‘nightie’), cuddly toy (Sgt Slingsby?), photo frame for other half and bedside book.

    Can anyone think of a few more? Or am I being a little sexist?
  2. Convoy Drills:

    OC (FM) - Left here Driver
    Me (Driver - Male) - turning left now Ma'am
    OC - err no, actually, I think it's right...
    Me - turning right now Ma'am
    OC - or did I mean left...I tell you what, you decide then tell me what you've done
  3. The new camoflage scheme would be intertesting.

  4. So it wouldn't just be aircrew that got their wings.
  5. Don't you know, we girls don't know "left" and "right" when driving - it's "my way" or "your way"! :roll: :D

    (Says Dozy, who very recently had to have "L" & "R" written on her hands on a range day. :oops: )
  6. You missed out the dildo for the bedside drawer! Along with a pack of paracetomols :lol:
  7. No voile to go with that?
  8. Voile replaces scrim!
  9. Which is actually a euphemism for the "right way" (clout, clout, "you stoopid ferkin' blerk") or the "wrong way" (clout clout clout etc etc)!
  10. Wouldn't the med centre be full of people suffering from post parallel parking stress?
  11. Doze....hold your left hand up in front of you, palm facing away from you! The index finger and thumb make a Luh for left!! Simples.........taught to me by my 10 year old son :D
  12. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    Ah yes - the intimidating 3 inch 'pocket bullet'.

    I was gonna add paracetamol / indigestion tablets to the 4th course of the Mess Function instead of 'coffee and mints', and a lie down instead of port and cigars.
  13. Now she tells me! I had 3 targets in front of me, was told to aim at the target on the right, I processed that information and nodded, all the while lining up on the target on the left! :oops: Good grouping though! :D
  14. Would be mess meetings etc have to be rescheduled as they might clash with Corrie/Emmerdale/Holby City/Casualty etc?
  15. <------------------------------------------>

    that is six inches :D