Armageddon Paid

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, Sep 4, 2009.

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  1. Damn!.. why didn't I think of this?.. with the world ending in 2012 and the 'Good' being sucked up to heaven, only the heathen/atheists will be left behind.. Some of them will need some spending cash, so why not make a few bucks off those leaving?

    The Rapture is what some Christians believe will occur when Christ makes a return visit and all believers get carted off to Heaven and the rest get Left Behind [ cue ominous music ]..

    Well, as we all know, you can't take it with you and that includes Fido and Fluffy.. so Eternal Earth Bound Pets Incorporated guarantees that they will look after wittle pwecious when master disappears to join the 'elite' at the Pearly Gates. For a fee of $ 110 for one pet per residence those heathen atheists left behind will feed and walk the abandoned pets.. additional household pets are only $ 15 extra each so you can rest assured while you're off walking with Jesus that the goldfish and parrot are looked after as well for the rest of their lives...

    sign on for a local franchise today...
  2. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    You're advertising in the wrong place. How many arrsers do you think will qualify in the "Good" pile?
  3. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    I think that's the point... we're not exactly in the queue for Rapture, are we? There won't be any good people left to look after Fido, so Rocketeer is getting in there first.

    Rocket, set up a website. £20 deposit (at least) and a promise that you'll take on the pet once Jesus returns. I can't see it being illegal, either. If anyone sues, cry racism on account of not appreciating Christian values.

    Not that that will ever work in this country...
  4. Bit like thoses companies that rich people pay to cryogenically freeze their bodies till a time in the future when what ever they died off can be fixed!

    All thats gonna happen is that whenthe money runs out the bodies will be turned into dog food - or if the current predictions are true, when the supply of meat runs out they will be carved up and used as kebabs!
  5. I think this thread is actually advertising job offers.

    I'll work for you if I can have sunday mornings off to go to church. :twisted:
  6. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    I'm happy to take on a franchise. You clarify the legality, Rocket, and I'll put up the website :D
  7. I'll take a franchise, I'm jewish and don't believe the long haired hippy cunt existed anyway.

    I'm not really Jewish, I belong to the "Go Fuuck Yourself Seven Day Thrappers" Church.
  8. why wait until 2012 why not strap a load of PE to Fido and yourself and blow the fuck out of your self and a market to get your 72 virgins and Fido will get to pump 72 puppies for eternity.
  9. could al-rex be convinced that there are 72 virgin bitches waiting for him in doggie vahallla? maybe if you suggested he could hump 72 legs or pee on 72 neighbours's rose bushes..

    As for the rest.. if there's that much interest in ripping off - sorry- assisting the Raptured - to feel better about leaving PooPoo behind in safe hands, maybe we should be looking at setting up franchise territoties.. I'll start accepting offers for the greater London Area, New York City - oh, wait.. doubt there'd be many Nyarkers going to heaven -

    hmm., best consult the legal department...
  10. Lol, the bible belt you gotta hit small town America, shit should have kept that one for myself.
  11. terroratthepicnic

    terroratthepicnic LE Reviewer Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Runners

    Surely if you are going to look after these pets, it would make you a good person. Therefore you wouldn't be around to do the job as you would be one of the chosen few.

    Unless of course, you mean to take the money and fuck looking after the pets when the owners have gone.