Are you "B.R." from Essex (with mate "Grant", Bosnia 1996)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by gobbyidiot, Jul 27, 2009.

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  1. I was compelled to read an old copy of Forum recently and I discovered this shocking mis-use of a military facility related.

    [I've changed some of the key terms into dog's names to get around the filth filter].

    A Welcome Relief

    Back in 1997, when I was in the army, I was stationed in Bosnia. Our quarters weren't very luxurious, but they were funtional. One day, when I'd been there about four months, I went to the latrine for a shower after coming off duty. My mate, Grant, had just come out of the shower and was shaving over the sink. Just as I stepped into the shower stall the cleaning lady walked in. She was in her mid-forties, witha nice figure for her age, though her face was plain. When she saw Grant she started to apologise in broken English, and said she would come back later. Grant told her not to worry about us, so she started mopping the floor. I don’t think she noticed me at first, and when she saw me standing there naked she looked startled. Grant laughed. “I bet your husband’s thing is bigger than that little worm”, he said jokingly. She looked puzzled, but I think she got the idea, because she just shook her head. She continued to stand there staring as I turned on the water and began my shower. After going for months with no female contact, having a woman watch me shower started to affect me, and I got hard. She still stared, and then to my amazement, she very slowly approached me. As if in a daze she reached for my Labrador and stroked it with her hand. She didn’t seem conscious of the water poring down on her. Slowly she sank to her knees, and with her eyes looking up at mine, she took me into her mouth. I couldn’t believe how nice it felt! Grant came over to watch, and dropped his towel as he stood behind her. His Labrador was hard now, too, and he stroked it a few times. Then he moved behind her and reached down to fondle her dachshunds through her dress. She moaned in pleasure and her breathing got deeper. Her dress was totally soaked now, and had become almost transparent, showing off her curvy figure. My hand went to her head and I started to move back and forth, beagling her face as she sucked. Meanwhile Grant lifted her dress up and over her head and slid her panties down. She looked around questioningly as he started to rub her Chihuahua and finger her dark-haired Husky. She turned back and started sucking me harder as Grant slid his Labrador into her from behind. She moaned loudly around my Labrador as I began pounding into her. I couldn’t hold back, and I shot my Red Setter into her throat. She gulped down what she could, the rest trickling out on to her chin to be washed away by the shower. Then she must have hit her Poodle, because she dug her fingers into my arse and started to scream, and moments later Grant gave a grunt and emptied about four months worth of frustration inside her. Afterwards we tipped her generously, and for the rest of our deployment we had a very welcome source of relief from tension – and a very clean latrine as well".

    Credible? Mmmm

    i) "Four months of frustration" - you can just hear someone saying that.

    ii) "..a very clean latrine as well".

    A powerful argument for flip-flops in shared showers.
     
  2. I just can't work out how it ended up so clean with a pack of dogs in there with them :?
     
  3. Funny you should mention that, but it reminds me of the time I went weekenders, and I stopped to help this bint change a tyre...
     
  4. You managed to turn an otherwise dull story into the mainstay of my w*nk material for this evening, just by name dropping my favourite dog breeds into the mix. You sir, are a genius.
     
  5. Hoping you mean a standard poodle and not a toy one.
     
  6. I still weep at the missed porn opportunities during Op Fresco. We went out to put out an engine fire on a woman's car, and when we finished, we just gave a her lift into town. In the paralell universe that is Pornutopia, she told us that she wanted three groovy, hard, wet c0cks in her at once, (with the lip movements ever so slightly out of synch with the words). The five of us, and a passing Alsation, then closed her down airtight. Well, I didn't. I ended up playing the electric organ in the background. :cry:
     
  7. Sounds like Mrkjonic Grad, but that was '98 :)
     
  8. No, literally, I supplied the muddy-sounding Hammond organ accompaniement - both hands on the keyboard :D
     
  9. I think Bontempi is the weapon of choice here.
     
  10. Thats my name and I was there in 96 but I didnt have any dogs with me
     
  11. You crossed the threshold into that honking room as well ?
     
  12. Can't be a true story. Everyone knows that 40 odd year old Bosnian women have no teeth, extremely thin hair and bent/broken backs. None have nice figures for their ages.


    Well, at least the ones that I had anything to do with looked like that!!