Are you a Walt.

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by apfsdsdu, Jul 28, 2006.

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  1. Look to save time in future will all the wierdo’s and internet trolls just fill out the questionnaire below. Then if you do qualify as a Walt let everyone know. It’ll save the sane one’s amongst us having to wait till you fcuk up with your PERSEC, then spending hours searching E-Bay etc for the evidence required to expose you. Much more amicable all round if you just fess up straight away.

    Are you a Walt?

    Some questions and answers just to check your Waltability factor. Pick your answers and see what you score.

    You have served?

    a. 0 days Regular Service.
    b. 8 years Regular Service.
    c. 335 years under the Colours, man and boy.

    You then serve with the TA for?

    a. 0 days, even the TA can spot a Walt a mile away.
    b. 1 year, until that unfortunate incident with the barbed wire fence and car battery on annual camp. The guys didn’t really mean it, and who needs kids anyway.
    c. 335 years reaching the rank of Grand Field Marshal 2nd Class of the Army, being personally responsible for lifting the Siege of Mafeking on 17 May in the Year of our Lord 1900Anno Domini.

    On deciding to wear a uniform do you?

    a. Join a small county cadet Regt, say Lincs ACF but resign before finishing your Initial Training Course as a Probationary Instructor. Decide the ACF isn’t for you so appear at a local CCF masquerading as an Ex Royal Anglian WO2. (If you had joined the Army you’d make that rank easy in let’s say 12 years.)
    b. Join the TA. You really want to be a Regular but mumsie won’t let you. Besides, the pay’s sh1t and you already have a really good job.
    c. Walk into the careers office and sign your life away for 22 years. Be subjected to a brief period of getting well and truly beasted, then spend the remaining time being dunk, bored, too cold, too hot, too wet, too dry, scared, p1ssing yourself laughing at the stupidity of the Chain of Command and occasionally poking the Grim Reaper with a really long stick, before running away giggling.

    Your preferred form of dress for Remembrance Day parades is?

    a. No2 dress with para wings, sniper arm badge and recruiter arm badge, all bought from E-Bay.
    b. CS 95/Dessert Combats as you’re staging on/stuck in the sand pit again.
    c. Service Dress/No2 Dress as you forgot to put in a leave pass again this year. Oh well it’s no hardship and you actually quite like to acknowledge the shared bond you have with those who also swore the Oath of Allegiance. Unashamedly you are in awe of the supreme sacrifice they made and understand that you aren’t really fit to walk in their shadow even if you wore the same uniform and ate the same dust when the hot metal started flying.

    Your preferred collection of medals is?

    a. South Atlantic (Falklands), FRY, ISAF, QGJM plus whatever E-Bay are selling this time of year.
    b. None, you didn’t join the Women’s Auxiliary Balloon Corp to actually face danger. Matrons nighttime bed baths are enough excitement for you thanks.
    c. What ever the Chief Clerk lobbed over the desk at you last time you were in the RAO. Never mind 2 years late is better than never. Now you’ve gotta buy another miniature and if you’re really unlucky pay for the bloody lot mounted. It’s getting fcking expensive since Emperor Tony decided to invade the world. You really wish that someone would teach the Cnut math’s. 96000 doesn’t divide into Bosnia, NI, Iraq, Afghan, Belize, Iran, Lebanon etc, etc…. that well, not when you’re talking about real armies and not Airfix toy soldiers.

    Finally you get your kicks bragging about beasting young boys.

    Telling everyone how hard you are.

    But don't forget at all times deny your true nature.

    Mostly A’s – Congratulations, you are a true Walt amongst Walts. Treat yourself to a promotion to WO1 in a prodigious regiment like the Guards. Pick a user name like WO1Slashedpeak and carry on regardless.

    Mostly B’s - The AGC is just the Corp’s for you young man. Travel, excitement, adventure can all be yours. Just remember not to crack your nail varnish or ladder your tights. Keep in mind an extra stick of Channel Lippy No 65 in bright red will never go out of fashion.

    Mostly C’s – Poor bustard, you only went and did it didn’t you? Signed your life away, for what? Three square meals a day and as much wife beater as you can physically fit down your grid. For that you have condemned yourself to a life of being an outsider. Always walking in step with a straight back, swinging your arms slightly more than is normal as you walk down the street. A totally fcuked, “alcohol off” switch, not for you the phrase “I’m only having one, work tomorrow.” You laugh at others misfortune and will provide physiatrists much needed dissertation materiel for their degrees in years to come.

    Edited as the more I search the Pr1ck called WO1SlashedPeak post's the wierder it gets.
  2. it..... I'm a C.

    That's better than any pre employment psychometric test I've ever done.
  3. I come up as an A+, but only because the Official Secrets Act prevents me from telling my real role in...........
  4. :lol: :lol: :lol:
  5. Jesus im a C but feel like a walt
    Must be the desk job
  6. chimera

    chimera LE Moderator

    C all the way - but mainly as Ops Offr 49 Para......
  7. Excellent,WO1 slashpeak is now for the first time in his miserable life aware of what he has amounted too.A WALTS WALT
  8. I only pretend to be a walt.....
  9. Good work, apfsdsdu. ;)

    I'm C but wish I was A.
  10. I thought I was the only one who found wo1slashedpeak to be a complete and utter knob! Damn,I hate crowds!
  11. apfsdsdu, great post - mostly C's, but like the Lord F, trying to work out a way to improve my grades to an A*
  12. I bet the Search for all posts by "wo1slashedpeak" query is going into overdrive now!
  13. I was going to apologise to the Mods for calling wo1slashedalldownhislegsinlightcolouredtrousers a knob yesterday. Now I feel vindicated nay almost exilhirated!
  14. sheldrake

    sheldrake RIP


    F1ck meine alte stiefeln, that's good!

    PML. The Sh1t In Bulk could take investigation lessons from you.
  15. I ain't that sneaky mate, others did the hard work fiding out about the tits background.

    Seriously though someone like that should not be let anywhere near kids.