Are you a Chap?

#2
Sorry. In the military context, there are chaps and blokes. I fall into the bloke catagory.
 
#4
Very Cav isnt it? I'm also a bloke, but if I had to lean either towards being a chap or the third option in the macho trinity, geezer, I'd opt for chap.
 
#5
At first sight I thought the question was 'are you a chav?'
 
#6
So which one of you wrote this from the letters page?:


Sir,
You may recall from my dispatch bemoaning my ill-fortune at having been caught up with, nay duped into, a ghastly scheme, the architect of which was a certain Mr. Anthony Blair. No sooner had I repaired to our own sceptred isle then I found myself in yet another unseemly scrape. Due to a salacious indiscretion with the God-daughter of a Major General (who will remain nameless) at our homecoming ball, it transpired that I precipitated my own untimely return to a decidedly un-green and un-pleasant corner of a foreign field, namely Southern Mesopotamia.
I was about to give up this whole military lark as a rum deal and "go for a Burton", when I stumbled upon the coquettish crumpet featured in the enclosed photograph. Miss Joanna Guest, an actress staging through the area, is not only easy on the eye but is also a devotee of The Chap. At last I had found my true Chapette! Although her sartorial arrangements would benefit, no doubt, from consultation with Mr David Saxby she is, in all other aspects, a ruby. I am now in clover and am making arrangements to have my scent, gloves and subscription to your august publication delivered direct to our connubial snuggery above the bazaar at 101, Hookah Street, Shaibah.

Capt Rosco ‘Biscuits Fruit’ van Noote
Mesopotamia (again)
 

cpunk

LE
Moderator
#7
Hmmm, Joanne Guest. I seem to remember in days gone by that she used to selflessy volunteer to pose for what I can only assume were gyneacological instruction pamphlets. Very public spirited of her, I think you'll agree...
 
#8
I know its all meant to be a bit tongue in cheek but its all a bit gay isn't it? Can we out any ARRSERS as bona fide perfumed ponces or subscribers to this rag? We used to bully premature fogies like this lot at school

Or better still should we crash their next get together en masse and convert them to the joys of squaddie bezzering?

http://www.thechap.net/olympics.html
 

CGS

War Hero
Moderator
#9
Ozerbobble, you seem to have already crashed our get-together.

And as for the bullying, well, somehow that does not surprise me...
 
#11
What is this pseudo toffery FFS? If these "chaps" were truly chaps then they would not be blokes or chaps or antimaccassars, whatever! They would be either crumpets or beans. (SHOUTS) "Jeeves, I think I need one of your patent revivers!"
 
#12
Gonzo said:
So which one of you wrote this from the letters page?:


Sir,
You may recall from my dispatch bemoaning my ill-fortune at having been caught up with, nay duped into, a ghastly scheme, the architect of which was a certain Mr. Anthony Blair. No sooner had I repaired to our own sceptred isle then I found myself in yet another unseemly scrape. Due to a salacious indiscretion with the God-daughter of a Major General (who will remain nameless) at our homecoming ball, it transpired that I precipitated my own untimely return to a decidedly un-green and un-pleasant corner of a foreign field, namely Southern Mesopotamia.
I was about to give up this whole military lark as a rum deal and "go for a Burton", when I stumbled upon the coquettish crumpet featured in the enclosed photograph. Miss Joanna Guest, an actress staging through the area, is not only easy on the eye but is also a devotee of The Chap. At last I had found my true Chapette! Although her sartorial arrangements would benefit, no doubt, from consultation with Mr David Saxby she is, in all other aspects, a ruby. I am now in clover and am making arrangements to have my scent, gloves and subscription to your august publication delivered direct to our connubial snuggery above the bazaar at 101, Hookah Street, Shaibah.

Capt Rosco ‘Biscuits Fruit’ van Noote
Mesopotamia (again)
I went through Sandhurst with that blackguard! I guarantee that his hidden arm holds a 9mm Pistol to Jo Guests back, as that's the only way he can get attractive women to touch him. I'll bet next month's pay checque that the 'Maj Gen's daughter' in question was the mono-legged, mono-browed daughter of Maj General Mou'ammmou Al Hijab, OIC latrines, Basrah.

Hello you old fruit, if you're reading this. :D
 
#13
RTFQ said:
I went through Sandhurst with that blackguard! I guarantee that his hidden arm holds a 9mm Pistol to Jo Guests back, as that's the only way he can get attractive women to touch him. I'll bet next month's pay checque that the 'Maj Gen's daughter' in question was the mono-legged, mono-browed daughter of Maj General Mou'ammmou Al Hijab, OIC latrines, Basrah.
Do I detect a note of jealousy, RTFQ? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Litotes
 
#14
Jo Guest, whilst a delightful lady in every sense of the word, has been photographed with pretty much every soldier who has ever deployed on ops. In comparison, I bet not many have been snapped with Caprice's hot little PA, Dame Vera Lynne, or a strangely gapped-toothed Bosnian octogenarienne who bizarrely kept saying "smarties". 'Rosco' can keep Ms Guest.
 
#15
RTFQ, has your name always been Sue, or have you just changed it?
 
#17
RTFQ said:
Jo Guest, whilst a delightful lady in every sense of the word, has been photographed with pretty much every soldier who has ever deployed on ops. In comparison, I bet not many have been snapped with Caprice's hot little PA, Dame Vera Lynne, or a strangely gapped-toothed Bosnian octogenarienne who bizarrely kept saying "smarties". 'Rosco' can keep Ms Guest.
Re Jo Guest, your comments on her regarding photography are spot on. Whilst in Kosovo in the winter she came out on a visit. Obviously everyone was keen to have their photo taken with her but she was wearing a tracksuit top and, initially, the blokes were reduced to leching and wondering what was under the tracksuit top. In the end one of the blokes had had enough, asked her 'if she was going to get her top off', to which she replied 'i thought you'd never ask' and undid the top and put her goods on display for photo opportunities! Quality and as it was gibbersville too - scammel wheel nuts, chapel hat pegs, 320 tuning buttons - all those bore comparison to her n*pples after a short while! She's a well put-together girl!
 
#18
Back to the Chap thingy.

I am off to Trumpers on Saturday for a shampoo, haircut and shave with cut throat razor and hot towels treatment (a birthday gift).

Does this make me a simpering fop or just a well groomed chap with a knowing taste of the good things in life?

Other than the fact I'm a Crab of course.
 
#19
Ozgerbobble said:
CGS said:
Ozerbobble, you seem to have already crashed our get-together.

And as for the bullying, well, somehow that does not surprise me...
Eh?

:?
To put it bluntly, Oz, you clearly come across as the sort of fiend who would hang Snooks Junior over an open fire for being late with the hot buttered crumpets after Vespers.

This would be after forcing him to rub linseed oil into the school cormorant.
 
#20
Mr_C_Hinecap said:
Back to the Chap thingy.

I am off to Trumpers on Saturday for a shampoo, haircut and shave with hot towels (a birthday gift).

Does this make me a simpering fop or just a well groomed chap with a knowing taste of the good things in life?
Hmmm. I think it makes you, er, old. My septegenarian father-in-law visits the same establishment for the same treatment.
 

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