• This is a stand-to for an incoming competition, one of our most expensive yet.
    Later this week we're going to be offering the opportunity to Win £270 Rab Neutrino Pro military down jacket
    Visit the thread at that link above and Watch it to be notified as soon as the competition goes live

Are we selfish cnuts?

#1
Simple question.....

Due to the fact that most TA bods are likely to deploy leaving behind, in my case, wife and baby are we selfish cnuts?

I had the discussion with the wife about deployment, even though it's way off for me as I haven't completed phase1 training yet, and she threw into the mix the selfish argument.
 
#2
I'd say not....Everyone joins knowing that its a distinct possibility, and hopefully that is then passed onto your partner. If she's happy with you joining, then she has to accept that mobilisation MAY occur.

And if she wont accept that, let her know that SHE'S being the selfish one....
 
#3
When I initially signed up to the TA I did discuss all aspects of it with her including deployment so she is aware that it is more than likely going to occur but I'm not sure whether she thought it was a passing phase although I gave no indication of this.

As I attend drill nights more and more she is coming to terms with it and is becoming more and more supportive although she has not yet committed fully to polishing my boots....a bigger stick me thinks.

Quite rightly since giving birth she is apprehensive about deployment and the risk of anything happening to me. This was quickly parried aside with the fact that more people have died in car accidents that serving in The Stan during the same time frame. ( I've got Arrse to thank for that stat).
 
#4
I'd advise you to avoid arguing/ discussing this with your misses in a 'I'm right, you're wrong' type way.

The bottom line is that military deployment is SERIOUSLY BLOODY HARD on 'significant others', just saying 'yeah love, but I might die in a road accident anyway' doesn't really help.

You need to discuss how it might impact on her - she's obviously thinking about it herself - and think about how she can cope and you can help her.

Like it or not, it takes a special woman and a special relationship to survive op tours.
 
#5
I agree with Mister angry .
but doing this job (for me any way) is in my blood its more a calling than just some thing i want to do and if not being 'aloud' to go and do the job by the bird/wife i think that can be seen as selfish be her and could build up resentment and trouble if you pull out against your own will for her sake no matter how real her concerns are
 
#8
Mister_Angry said:
I'd advise you to avoid arguing/ discussing this with your misses in a 'I'm right, you're wrong' type way.

The bottom line is that military deployment is SERIOUSLY BLOODY HARD on 'significant others', just saying 'yeah love, but I might die in a road accident anyway' doesn't really help.

You need to discuss how it might impact on her - she's obviously thinking about it herself - and think about how she can cope and you can help her.

Like it or not, it takes a special woman and a special relationship to survive op tours.
Your Right..I have done both "Sand pits" and the effect on my wife has been terrible.....she knows its part of what I am and was already in the TA when we met.....you need to decide what you want from life...think i have it easy as we have no kids...

The amount of "Dear Johns" that turn up on tour is unreal....think hard mate!
 
#9
Tartan_Ninja said:
The amount of "Dear Johns" that turn up on tour is unreal....think had mate!
I would suggest that the woman writing the Dear John is not worth her salt. Either she's some fairweather girlfriend, or seriously in breach of her marriage vows. What happened to "for better or worse"?
 
#11
Of course you're right about having to have a special woman to support you and both Regs and TA are made up of both married and single people.

But surely there must be a degree of selfishness on the part of the TA bod as he\she has to put the Army first at times ,rightly or wrongly, and any woman ,supportive or not, must get fcuked off with this.
 
#12
I would argue that being a stab is one of the most selfless things you can do.

It's not going to get you a shag, will earn you ridicule from ignorant civvies and a minourity of regular soldiers, definatly not going to make you rich, it will f**k with your career, family and social life, you might even die.
 
#16
I'd been in the TA for 8 years when I met my now wife. When I knew I was going to the sand pit for a holiday she wanted me to leave, something I wasnt prepared to do. To make matters worse we'd only been married about 8 months when I was deployed. (I did manage some brownie points, I got home on R&R the day before our first wedding anniversary)

She has said though, that if I go away again, dont expect her to be here when I get back - we dont have any kids at the moment.
I think thats a bit harsh, she knew what I did when we met, and accepted it then.
Although I'm with a specialist unit, I do plenty of days - on the shooting team this year, tech training weekends, and I'm doing RMQ just now - so she isnt too amused.

What does stick in my throat a bit though is she works shifts, and I cant complain about that.......
 
#17
Family life has to come first without a doubt.. No two ways about it. Thats why (especially now) its so important to talk to significant others before signing up... A career (ahem) in the TA is no way near worth it when compared to having a happy family.

And when you consider the lack of support offered to families (speaking from experience here again) when you do go on deployment, then it really isn't worth it unless you're better halves/family are 110% behind you.

Again..I'm not generalising that all cap badges are as bad as one another.. but my experience of the overall duty of care for TA families of deployed soldiers is a f***in disgrace.

Having said all that, there's nothing selfish about wanting to better yourself and serve your country. Shame then that the governement has a funny way of showing its appreciation and support to those that do.
(JPA shambles, Budget Cuts, amalgamations etc etc)
 
#18
I'm sure when your first Bounty payment comes through she what be thinking your very selfish then. Unless you do the decent thing and not share it.

Tours are hard on those left behind, much harder then on those that go it can seem. When you're paying for a new kitchen in a couple of years time it might seem more like a swings and round abouts deal.
 
#19
I joined the ta back when moblisation wasen't on the cards other than as prelude to the end of the world.
So 6 months in Iraq for a pointless war she didn't agree with .I think she accepted it quite well :D .Might have been better if the brown envelope hadn't arrived when I was away on a weekend .Ever tried having a mobile phone conversation at arms length :D .
Its nothing but a pain in the arrse for those left behind Main thing that stops me volunterring again.
 
#20
mark1234 said:
I would argue that being a stab is one of the most selfless things you can do.

It's not going to get you a shag, will earn you ridicule from ignorant civvies and a minourity of regular soldiers, definatly not going to make you rich, it will f**k with your career, family and social life, you might even die.
Mark1234

Spot on, mate. I think we have found the new motto for the reserve forces.
 

Similar threads

Top