april fools

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bawheed, Mar 31, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Since the NAFFI is boring me at the moment ,
    anyone got any classic April fools story's or up and coming plans for tomorrow
    i am a mong
     
  2. Esther Rantzens show a few years ago had an animal called a" lirpa loof", similar size to a chimpanze..
     
  3. Last year I said to the lass, 'sorry, it's over', and hung up. I then planned to ring back and spill the unfortunate infomation that it was in fact an april fool but i got my attention took by ebay and found myself 10 hours later (after forgetting all about it) shitting myself reaching for the phone.
     
  4. A very single mate of mine had his facebook status,

    "is going to be a dad!!!"

    Wish i'd thought of it :(
     
  5. Put this in the place of the company's detail:

    DETAIL FOR 1 APRIL 2009
    1. SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
    In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from all OCdts, it will be our policy to keep all cadets well trained through our newly trialled program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give cadets more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
    If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your Platoon Colour Sergeant or Platoon Commander. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and the DS are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
    Cadets who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since the DS took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
    If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
    If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

    X XXXX
    WO2 (CSM)
    XXXXXX Company
    BOSS IN GENERAL
    SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
    (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)




    ...apparently the CSM 'wants names' for who did it...
     
  6. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    My mate's off to Paris with his girlfriend this afternoon. His genius plan was to fake a proposal at the top of the Eiffel Tower.



    We ran a few Monte Carlo runs for possible outcomes and not a single one of them ended with her laughing it off. Most of them ended with him actually getting engaged against his will, or being the first of the pair to the bottom of the tower by taking the "head first" route.
     
  7. i text the missus this morning sayin that i was sorry and id got someone else pregnant and she was keeping the baby...but i wasnt to have anything to do with it! hilarious in my eyes, a few missed calls later i text her back saying april fool hahaha right?? wrong.. women can be so sensitive some times :twisted: