April Fools Ideas

#1
Anyone got any good pranks I can deploy this weekend not trying to cause physical harm but any ieas welcome and the best one gets played on the RSM (provided he never finds out it was me)
 
#5
Banana or potato up his cars exhaust pipe is always a jolly good wheeze. Well it was when I was 10 years old, sort of grown out of crap like April Folls jokes.
 
#6
A real rib tickler is to twat the RSM's car bumper with a baseball bat. With the technology about today the bumper will spring back into shape with no damage but you'll trigger off the airbag on the steering wheel. Shit's and giggles all round. He'll love it.
 
#7
The old classic, send a red arse/sprog/crowbag or whatever you want to call them into see the badge carrying an item of equipment of your choosing, (I heard a chainsaw is best) any piece of CES kit will do though, wrecking bar, bike chain, D shackle that kind of shit, tell crow to deliver sealed envelope to RSM. Inside envelope it says Good morning RSM my name is Private....crowbag.....promote me now or I'll smash up cut up destroy your office with this chainsaw, wrecking bar, bike chain etc etc........classic. If he doesn't see the funny side he's a cunt...then again My old RSM demoted the reggie mascot for scoffing the flowers outside BHQ and put a bike in jail for slouching against a wall outside the med centre.....mad cunt.
 
#10
If your regiment has a mascot such as a goat, who is probably a corporal, arrange to promote the goat to the rank of RSM. Send a letter or a Signal to the RSM informing him that he has got to find space in his office to share with the newly promoted regimental mascot.
 
#12
Simply change the clock in the RSMs office so that he is routinely 5 minutes late for parades.
 
#13
Hang a paper fish on his back when he is not looking.

If anyone asks why just spark up a Gitane and give a gallic shrug.
 
#15
Simply change the clock in the RSMs office so that he is routinely 5 minutes late for parades.
That will work as all RSMs are renowned for their inability to own or wear a wristwatch.

Up the tomfoolery stakes by sexually assaulting his* children then torching his quarter whilst his grieving wife is still in it.

* If your RSM is female then you are in a honcho type unit.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#16
That will work as all RSMs are renowned for their inability to own or wear a wristwatch.

Up the tomfoolery stakes by sexually assaulting his* children then torching his quarter whilst his grieving wife is still in it.

* If your RSM is female then you are in a honcho type unit.
If the RSM is female, take her for a nice van ride.
 
#17
Scoff, it's the ideal time to play jokes. Salt in tea, bacon in the pudding. I dunno, shit in a boot or something.
 
#18
Take his beret off the hook in the mess, put hair removal cream all over the inside, put it back on the hook.

If he is already bald use no more nails instead.

For added effect etch "APRIL FOOL!!!" in his stick with your leatherman.
 

phil245

LE
Book Reviewer
#19
stretch a condom over his cars exhaust pipe, when he drives off, he is followed by a six foot long balloon.
Jack up the back of his car, rest it down on bricks so the back wheels are about 6mm off the ground. when he tries to drive off, the back wheels spin like fcuk and he stays in the same place.
 
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