April Fools Ideas

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by smileriraq, Mar 26, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Anyone got any good pranks I can deploy this weekend not trying to cause physical harm but any ieas welcome and the best one gets played on the RSM (provided he never finds out it was me)
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Is it Cadet Camp this weekend?
  3. no its not , just wanted a few ideas is all
  4. shit in his hat.
    He'll see the funny side.
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Banana or potato up his cars exhaust pipe is always a jolly good wheeze. Well it was when I was 10 years old, sort of grown out of crap like April Folls jokes.
  6. A real rib tickler is to twat the RSM's car bumper with a baseball bat. With the technology about today the bumper will spring back into shape with no damage but you'll trigger off the airbag on the steering wheel. Shit's and giggles all round. He'll love it.
  7. The old classic, send a red arse/sprog/crowbag or whatever you want to call them into see the badge carrying an item of equipment of your choosing, (I heard a chainsaw is best) any piece of CES kit will do though, wrecking bar, bike chain, D shackle that kind of shit, tell crow to deliver sealed envelope to RSM. Inside envelope it says Good morning RSM my name is Private....crowbag.....promote me now or I'll smash up cut up destroy your office with this chainsaw, wrecking bar, bike chain etc etc........classic. If he doesn't see the funny side he's a cunt...then again My old RSM demoted the reggie mascot for scoffing the flowers outside BHQ and put a bike in jail for slouching against a wall outside the med centre.....mad cunt.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. purchase one of these Latex Catsuit | eBay

    wear a gimp mask and take the rsm up the wrong-un, he will love it........
  9. Send him a redundancy letter
    • Like Like x 3
  10. If your regiment has a mascot such as a goat, who is probably a corporal, arrange to promote the goat to the rank of RSM. Send a letter or a Signal to the RSM informing him that he has got to find space in his office to share with the newly promoted regimental mascot.
  11. How about sticking your head in a wood chipper - everyone else will fall about laughing when they have to pick up the pieces.
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Simply change the clock in the RSMs office so that he is routinely 5 minutes late for parades.
  13. Hang a paper fish on his back when he is not looking.

    If anyone asks why just spark up a Gitane and give a gallic shrug.
    • Like Like x 4
  14. Bouillabaisse

    Bouillabaisse LE Book Reviewer

    Surely that will just mean that the rest of the world's clocks will now be wrong?
    • Like Like x 6
  15. That will work as all RSMs are renowned for their inability to own or wear a wristwatch.

    Up the tomfoolery stakes by sexually assaulting his* children then torching his quarter whilst his grieving wife is still in it.

    * If your RSM is female then you are in a honcho type unit.
    • Like Like x 6