Appointing a director - succession planning


War Hero
You are under a lot of strain, which is totally understandable.

Are you sure that the assistance of a solicitor wouldn't help you? Do consider asking one to help, even if it takes just a few things out of your hands and lessens the burden on your shoulders.
My concern is that the administration will default to my mother, who isn't equipped to do the job. If he dies intestate I'm not sure if we can take control if we are relying upon her.

This crisis is complicated because my mother hasn't had to do anything for herself in the last 30 years, suffers regular panic attacks and has some narcissistic characteristics that mean I don't feel able to stay in the family home and retain my sanity.

I want to help her and support her in becoming more independent but instead I get to listen to the broken record of her problems over and over again. I'm trying to chip away at the basics of running household finances by getting her to open her own bank account tomorrow but I suspect it will just end in recrimination and pouting again.

She is creating more work and consuming more energy than my father is, and he is the one that's truly suffering right now. Whilst I realise this is a difficult time for everyone, I'm close to throttling her.
Administration doesn’t default to anyone automatically. One of you has to apply for it and be appointed by the Probate Office.

The Administrator is usually someone who has an interest in the estate; the surviving spouse or one of the children who will benefit under the statutory rules for an intestate estate. Most families agree who should do it.

If they can’t agree, someone objects or no-one volunteers, then the State will appoint an Administrator.
And for any lurkers that see this thread and have kids, do them a favour. Write a will, grant them power of attorney and tell them what kind of funeral you want.

They don't need the extra stress of sorting this shit out in court on top of organising care or funerals.
Sorry for your troubles and I have nothing of any benefit to offer other than to double-uptick this comment.

I made a will a few years ago leaving all my estate to be evenly divided among my kids held in trust by their mother with solicitors and accountants as executors. Not sure why I made it so unnecessarily complex, perhaps the insecurity of a newly married man about how his wife might run away with all his money. Years later, and trying to sort out property that was left evenly to a large group of siblings who couldn't agree on what the weather was like I realised I was storing up a potential shiteshow.

My wife is a reasonable woman, she's not likely to have me bumped off just so she can get her hands on the last 5 percent of my property that she doesn't already have, and if she does decide to have me offed I will probably have done something to deserve it. But most importantly she is the only person on planet Earth who loves my kids as much as I do, who else, paid or unpaid, could possibly look after their best interests better than she could? So I just simplified the will, she gets the whole shebang, no faffing around.

Like I say, that's of no help to you in your difficult times, but hopefully it will persuade others to do the right thing and get their affairs sorted out and put in order. You're not bequeathing a legacy to the nation, you just want to make it a bit easier on your family when you kark it, which will happen a lot sooner than you think.
Having read the earlier post on how wills may be witnessed now it should be achievable using video conferencing if I'm in there filming him sign it in hospital whilst some independent relatives/witnesses watch. Some extended family are back on Saturday who may be suitable candidates.

The wills act is from 1837 and clearly states it must be signed in the presence of two witnesses. However, it appears you can use remote means (unless in Scotland).

Do remember though that any witness to a will cannot be a beneficiary. It doesn’t make the will invalid, it makes that gift to that witness/beneficiary void and it goes back to the deceased’s estate.

This rule doesn't apply to LPA - because everything the Government does is a shambles - but if I can get supportive witnesses (likely extended family) to go through the same process at the time it should be sufficient.

I found this regarding LPAs, it’s pertinent to the situation you are in.

I broached the subject of making a will as my mother was also there and she is getting increasingly paranoid about things happening without her. He indicated it was something he'd have to sort out when he was feeling a bit less awful. Having read his mood I wouldn't have bought it up, but it seemed important to ensure my mum could see me starting this conversation in her presence to alleviate her paranoia. The details will have to wait another day - whilst I'm acutely aware that every extra day of more procrastination just increases the risk of losing control.

I can understand his apprehension, a will can seem a particularly heavy undertaking when going through what he is going through.

You could make it very simple, all his worldly possessions go to your mum. There will be inheritance tax to worry about and it’s a very simple will.

Once done you can sort out LPAs and a thorough will for your mum.
I can understand his apprehension, a will can seem a particularly heavy undertaking when going through what he is going through.

You could make it very simple, all his worldly possessions go to your mum. There will be inheritance tax to worry about and it’s a very simple will.
I’ve watched several of my ageing relatives agonise about their wills and I’ve been an Executor on four now. None of them led complicated lives or had big estates that needed anything other than a simple will. Yet they had wills that were an absolute pain in the arrse to execute.

You’re spot on. For most people, a simple will is all that’s needed. Lawyers and will writers obviously think otherwise.

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