And for any lurkers that see this thread and have kids, do them a favour. Write a will, grant them power of attorney and tell them what kind of funeral you want.
They don't need the extra stress of sorting this shit out in court on top of organising care or funerals.
Sorry for your troubles and I have nothing of any benefit to offer other than to double-uptick this comment.
I made a will a few years ago leaving all my estate to be evenly divided among my kids held in trust by their mother with solicitors and accountants as executors. Not sure why I made it so unnecessarily complex, perhaps the insecurity of a newly married man about how his wife might run away with all his money. Years later, and trying to sort out property that was left evenly to a large group of siblings who couldn't agree on what the weather was like I realised I was storing up a potential shiteshow.
My wife is a reasonable woman, she's not likely to have me bumped off just so she can get her hands on the last 5 percent of my property that she doesn't already have, and if she does decide to have me offed I will probably have done something to deserve it. But most importantly she is the only person on planet Earth who loves my kids as much as I do, who else, paid or unpaid, could possibly look after their best interests better than she could? So I just simplified the will, she gets the whole shebang, no faffing around.
Like I say, that's of no help to you in your difficult times, but hopefully it will persuade others to do the right thing and get their affairs sorted out and put in order. You're not bequeathing a legacy to the nation, you just want to make it a bit easier on your family when you kark it, which will happen a lot sooner than you think.