Application to go out...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by msscorpio, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

    Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

    I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:

    Time of return
    Date:
    Time of departure:
    NOT to exceed:

    Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.


    Amount of alcohol allowed (units)
    Beer
    Wine
    Liquor
    Total


    Locations to be visited

    Females with whom conversation
    is permitted

    IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not withstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.

    I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates & flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.

    I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
    Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

    Request is: APPROVED DENIED

    This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
    "……………………………………………………………………………………………………………
    Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
    Date:

    Time of departure:
    Time of return:

    Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:


    XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


    APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE GIRLS

    Name of Girlfriend/Fiancé/Partner/Wife:

    I’m going out.

    Signed: (me) _____________________________