Apparently, Im sick...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, Apr 6, 2006.

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  1. got back from the doctor's and the young lad, who says he graduated, is pretty sure he read somwhere that you're not supposed to pee red...
    He's sending me for a slew of tests and, in the meantime he's given me some pills the size of jellybeans, which he insists, aren't suppositories, and I'm supposed to try and swallow them..
    So, I'm turning to the World Wide ARRSElink for suggestions on what I can ' ingest/partake ' that will vary/give me some other colour options when I'm handed the cup...
  2. Eat fresh asparagus.

    It won't change the colour, but will give your pee samples a very disturbing sulfurous odour!
  3. Drink the contents of a glowstick
  4. This wont make your wee change colour but it’s just as amusing.

    When you next go to give a piss sample, take a small carton of apple juice with you hidden in your pocket.
    When you’re given your cup and a bit of private time to produce a sample, fill the cup with apple juice and then return to whoever is waiting for the sample after a few minuets.
    Just before you hand over the sample, open the lid and down then contents in front of your poor doctor/nurse – the look on their face will be priceless :D
  5. Beetroot will make your piss turn purple.
  6. Food colouring, pick your colour and go.

    Not quite sure how safe this is, and I'm fairly sure it'll stain your tounge as well.
  7. And make you very hyper.
  8. Polar:


    green or blue? [ yellow seems a bit pointless ] and do they make the p*ss glow, too? [ kule ! ]

    heard that carrot juice gives you a nice ' burnt sienna ' to ' ochre ' shade, but not sure I could down a 40oz of bunny juice...

    Thanks for the suggestions, everyone..
    now, what can I do to the machine that goes ' ping' ?
  9. make it go pong? and fo fcuk sake dont make it go BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
  10. I was hooked up to one of those badgers when I had an op a few weeks back and I had great fun slowing my breathing and really relaxing so my heart rate dropped, then thinking of something that excited me (no, I'm not saying what! :oops: ) and getting it to speed up by 30 bpm!
  11. Just shyte in the cup and say; "it came from the same person what do you care whether it is liquid or solid"

    BTW if you overfill the cup on my advice; top it of with some whipped cream and a cherry, the nurses and especially the lab folk love it :wink:
  12. Using the food colouring idea, down several different colours and p!ss a rainbow, the kiddies will love it.
  13. just fill it to the very brim so that the "oh so prissy looking" nurse with the im better than you attitude has to spill some and then clean it up!!!
  14. first batch of tests are over...managed a lovely pink grapefruit, complete with pulp, looking sample which caused the technician to look at me funny and quickly exit the room holding the cup at arm's length...

    doctor came in and suggested that " we " do some further exploration of my " condition " [ obviously been upgraded ] and I'm slated for some more poking and prodding come Monday.. The Regimental Pipes and Drums are having a ' fund raiser ' on Saturday night, so I'm thinking I'll drop down and add some quality fluids to the mix to ' dilute' the precious bodily fluids for the next go round...
  15. Get as much rum and dark ale down as you can. Really stinks up the bog after an evening on the urine with that stuff.

    Don't forget the curried fish and peanut stinkies.