Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by spaz, Dec 5, 2008.

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  1. I got a little drunk last night and ended up accidently pootacheing someone without any provocation.

    He didn't seem too upset but went to bed after not saying much, should I apologise?

    P.s he is an armourer if that counts.
  2. Naaaaaaaaaah, just let him have the reach around you owe him from last night!
  3. I can assure you there was no bumfoolery involved other than a very real demonstration of MexicanBumWankMans devastating powers.
  4. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease tell me that said armourer was stabtiffy2b. Still, you'd have to have hold of a log in the grip of a clanched fist and draw the pootache on like a child using chalk on a path to even attempt to cover just a fraction of that lip. I know this because I have a little O.P. in his garden you see, and I watch how his missus and "the help" do it to him regularly on a friday night. I believe it would be wednesday, but that's warhammer night.
  5. No, it was on thursday not the weekend.
  6. I had a "neary spitting over the monitor" moment today.

    Apart from the fact that a) That expression is for "spitting walts" and never actually happens and b) I was in Sainsbury's shopping.

    I had long ago taught the two smallest Stellas the art of skiffing and, being the good lads that they are, they found it highly amusing and very clever.

    Cue today, walking around said grocers outlet when I spot the eldest (10 yrs old) having a good scratch down his pants in the sweaty ring area. This immediatley puts me on guard and I am awaiting the skiff attempt. Due to his young years he has not yet figured out the "stealth" delivery and is quite predictable.

    Using all of my "Them" skills that I obtained whilst once driving through Brecon, I deftly stopped the said "stinky finger" before it had chance to reach my upper lip and retaliated with a swift tongue in his ear (we also play doctors sometimes, but Social Services have told me to stop it).

    Not giving it a second thought, I carry on with the dullest of activites, following Mrs Stella around whilst she has 20 attempts at picking what type of salt we are going to buy.

    2 minutes later my 10 year old emits a rather loud "fcuking hell". Mrs Stella stops in shock, I burst out laughing and my 10 year old is standing behind us frantically wiping his tongue with his sleeve and making a spitting sound whilst my 6 year old is in stitches laughing at him.

    It seems that my young apprentice had forgotten about the pre prepared skiffing finger that only minutes earlier had been wiggling around his poo pipe with the thoughts of getting the Old Man back.

    He had then gotten into a conversation with the youngest Stella about Marmite, which littlest Stella loves and 10 year old Stella hates.

    To demonstrate his dislike of that Devils J1zz called "Marmite", he had shoved two of his fingers in his mouth to visually show the "retching action", forgetting the digits previous location.

    That was about 4 hours ago and I'm still laughing every so often about it now :)
  7. Oh yeah, as for the apology, it's his own fault for being had.

    I would suggest drinking a bottle of Vodka tonight, waiting until tomorrow when those really wet day after Vodka farts turn up, the ones that are mid way between "farting" and "botty p1ss" and then giving him a poo tache that would make a 1980's Para proud.

    This will put the previous attempt into context and all will be forgiven.
  8. You hope.

    Having been in such a position you may well have the answer.
  9. The answer may well be a well aimed punch to the throat.

    But a good runny skiffing is always worth it