anyone still in the forces,doing ops training at longmoor?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by billyx, Feb 23, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Hi all

    Just a query,was anyone out on the ranges at longmoor yestarday night at about 12-1am?

    i stumbled on what appear`d to be a training op(some kind of camp assault training thing?)

    big campfire/guy with small lamp/and several guys near the road who jumped onto their bellys when i almost walked right into them(i was in total black with not the usual white trainers on(most times its standard army boots)

    sorry, i walk very quitely and near on walked into you lot,but i did cough when i heard you softly chatting,and i did say evening:):)

    guy with the lamp didnt even know i was there :)looks like you lot were having great fun!

    was very funny watching you lot fly into the woods onto your bellys,but i hope i didnt give your postion away

    i think it was two teams?i miss hiding in the shadows and playing:)lucky gits

    nice flare i saw on my way home(impressive things those)

    probably heard me puffing after my jog:):)

    steve
     
  2. That'll be the Int Corps going tactical then.

    Quick question Steve. WTF were you doing strolling around at 12-1am for? Squaddie dogging?
     
  3. Was just thinking the same thing... You aren't the real Ipswich killer are you???
     
  4. Ooo Billy, don't be a hero, dont be a fool with your life!
    So I take it you're a super sneaky-beaky, SF Ninja right? Did you have your shuriken and nun-chucks with you?
     
  5. narh i dont like jogging in front of normal people who snigger at me puffing:)

    plus at that time of night its damn nice and quiet and the woods has a damn calming effect on me and helps me sleep when i get home(insomnia problem):):)

    i do love the woods at night and having great night vision is a bonus:)
     
  6. Yeh, you'll have had that surgically enhanced during your time on the Phoenix program right?
     
  7. plus the cold night air stops me sweating like a pig:):)

    i am pretty good at sneaking about and spent lots of my youth creaping about my local woods/making camps/hunting,the usual boy shite(lived in the sticks)

    and nope the dogging is researved for the misses when i get back.

    i have a nasty metal belt i wear just incase of trouble:):)

    i am lucky, and was told by my optition,not to bother comming back till i was 70(god im lucky aint i:)
     
  8. no shurikens im afraid,plus not many chavs around at 1am to stick one into:)
     
  9. Is that your issue titanium E&E silent killing belt? I bet you taught Bo Gritz everything he knows huh?
     
  10. no nothing as good as titanuim,just a heavy civvy belt from ebay.

    if you fancy a jog im there most nights jogging:):)

    gotta try and keep the fat at bay,and maybe oneday i may even give up the fags:)

    maybe

    5,6 and 9.5 stone aint bad though,but ive spent 8 years telling myself id go and get some fitness done,but ive made too many promises and i am now trying to work on it(1-1.5miles in 10mins)roughly:)

    not too bad for a smoker and a civvy
     
  11. I'll bet you are, is that a "come on" cheeky?
    Sadly, I restrict my murderous urges to whores and fat Naafi lasses. Although I'm sure the frenzied slaying of a fella, with my 36oz Estwing claw hammer would be satisfying enough, I doubt the post mortem sex would be as sweet.
     
  12. you dirty bitch,i do love a claw hammer up my hoop

    :):)

    i wouldnt call it jogging,id call it surviving the tedium of trying to lose some very slight belly bulge(might do situps instead)faster and warmer:)

    it made a change actually running into some form of life other than rabbits and foxes and deers:)

    great place though and one nice walk during the day for the family(took my two down there 2 weeks back,the whole way round and they were great and loved it and considering ones 4 and ones 9 they didnt whine at all .

    my eldest wants to build a camp down there from sticks soon,what fun!!!
     
  13. aw bollocks im gonna put my sas underpants on ebay start me off at 10p
     
  14. are they unwashed:):):)

    give ya 5p lol

    my eldest does want the full camo kit malarky,but she can wait for that, as ive a big bill i need paying till i can buy on ebay again:(
     
  15. That was you, Billyx, you tit!

    You wrecked the quarter-final knock out of the annual world championships of the World Hedgehog Shaggers Association, of which I am a proud member of the East Hampshire Batallion.

    This is a skill that requires a high degree of accuracy and finesse. Creeping up on these little bsatards and plunging your todger into their love tube at precisely the right second takes years of practice and dedication.

    The big campfire is to create a warm, loving mood. The guy with the lamp is what we call the 'baiter'; you will have noted a particular luminosity which hedgehogs find alluring and it causes them to bury their noses into the ground, raise their butt-ends to the heavens and for one second and one second only, to retract their pointy bits (not many people know this) - it is at this second that we pounce. What you mistook for two groups of hairy-arsed squaddies diving for cover was our ensemble pouncing onto the hedgehogs.

    As always, being an international competitive event we were split into two teams and the team that stands up with the most hedgehogs affixed to their erect members and without bleeding or crying gets to host next years contest.

    Unfortunately, for the East Hants Bn., your blundering through the undergrowth like a disturbed, pregnant wildebeest resulted in 6 of our hedgehogs flinching at the point of thrust and rolling into hedgehoggy balls. I don't think I need spell out in detail the consequences of this reaction and if you had bothered to wait around you would have witnessed first hand the results of your actions. 6 grown men stood in the dead of night with hedgehogs firmly appended to their manhood but on this occasion with much blood and much crying.

    I just hope you are feeling very bloody happy with yourself.



    Fcuk me, I have to do something about this insomnia!!