Discussion in 'Army Professionally Qualified Recruitment' started by TartanTrooper, Jan 4, 2010.
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dont mind if they are funny scary or what just interested to hear some, old or new?
This one time, I did 14 weeks basic in Lichfield, 10 weeks in Gib Barracks and 8 months in Chatham.
Why, don't have any of your own?
When questioned about what I knew about London (the hometown of my instructors on CIC), I replied only that I knew it was a shoitehole. For half an hour I crawled around a very undulating harbour area picking up litter whilst singing the theme tune to The Wombles. I learned a valuable life lesson that day, the shoite is outside London aswell!
When we first turned up at our billet there was a weedy fella with specs who looked scared of everything, a spivvy bloke, a bloke who was convinced he had every ailment under the son (I think he ended up marrying a Naafi bird) another bookish bloke who just sat on his bed reading and who should have been an officer, a bloke who had been back squadded and was useless at everything, a beatnik and a crusty old WW2 vintage sergeant called Hartnell who looked a bit like the old Dr Who(oops persec)who placed a bet on us that we could win top recruit squad before he retired.
Oh no, hang on a minute that was carry On Sergeant I watched this morning.
One of our lads was a bit of a cluster. Due to this he didn't get to go on the adventure training week with the rest of the platoon. One day when we were away, his section commander cornered him in his room and kicked the shit out of him so badly, he had to be bedded down in the med centre.
Is that the type of thing you're after?
All through basic we each lived in an MFO box on the corner of the square and were fed a packet of Biscuits AB a week.
We were lucky! The intake after us had to eat two packets a week !!
30 day's in colly
The same lad as before, after being told on exercise to cam up, also cammed up his teeth with cam cream. The DS stuffed him headfirst into a covered 2 man trench and then made the platoon march up and down on top of it, pausing only to mark time whilst listening to the teary pitiful cries of "it's caving in" emanating from below.
I once shat myself in the field and had to wait 36 hours for the exercise to end, before I could go to the ablutions and clean myself up properly. During that time, the skin between my buttcrack went all dry, crusty and painful.
I knew a black guy that was seriously sexually assaulted by a Catholic Padre, he reported it to his Plt Cpl who said he could would only pass it up the CoC if he gave him a blow job, so not to be deterred the young black recruit went straight to the Plt Comd who bent him over his desk and bonked him senses. Not to be put off our young hero went straight to his OC, imagine his surprise when he got a sympathetic hearing from this older Field Officer and instead of the normal sexual abuse the OC allowed him to violate his back passage with his rather large 14â black cheesy wiper.
So the moral of the story push back against the system long enough eventually it will be your turn to shaft someone else but never forget shite always runs down hill especially if you wipe your shite covered knob on the OCs curtains
When I was starting off on the long route to TA Officer they gave me all the kit I needed, no dramas.
Your first name is Aldridge isn't it?
An 1157 with issued next to everything the dirty bastards I think we should get the outrage bus out NOW, when I joined the regulars I had dues out against Shaving role and bayonet frog this could have cost me a long and happy career due to the obvious gap in my training, TA getting the best of everything again.
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