Anyone ever snapped their banjo string???

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by SuperTrooper, May 5, 2005.

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  1. Years ago my mate Terry, who was a 22 year old virgin, was posted to Berlin. Having foolishly let the cat out of the bag about his lack of wearing the old trappers hat we took him down to the Kudam and fixed him up with a quality Tom. After we'd paid the girl his 'shot' money he disappears for 5 minutes with this stunning example of Berlin's arrse selling fraternity. We were quite surprised and thought that he was after tapping us for some more dosh, but he soon explained that after whipping out his inexperienced pork sword, he'd blown his wad on entry. The prossie felt so sorry for him that she gave him half his money back. Word soon got around the Company and he soon became known as Terry Two Strokes. He then developed an addiction for 'buying arrse' and this continued when he was posted to Helmstedt on the border with the DDR.

    One night Terry came back to camp from a nocturnal visit to one of the surrounding whorehouses, his face was ashen and he walked like the creature of the black lagoon with a cactus between its legs. The duty medic was called and Terry drops his trollies and pulls out his undercarriage. It was all swollen, horrible and blood-soaked. The medic using a 2HB pencil tapped his bell end, which was swollen enough to fit inside a wizards sleeve, several times and announced, 'I don't know much about cocks Terry, we'll have to call the local ambulance'. :lol:

    It was later revealed that Terry in his pursuit of 'buying arrse' had been in the canine position and had slipped it in the wrong un of his latest purchase. This thrusting movement caused his banjo string to snap, making a sound akin to the cracking of Zoro's whip. He then sprayed his claret everywhere including up the poop chute of the now outraged prossie. 8O She dropped her arrse and sent him packing with a few sheets of bog paper to wrap his bits, which resembled a melted black pudding.

    Has anyone ever had this happen, poor Terry said the pain was so great, he fainted instantly??
     
  2. I snapped mine nailing a QA in Aldershot in 1996, felt it go, didnt hurt too much, blood everywhere, I thought Id ripped her to pieces!! Then I noticed that it was pouring out of me. Was pretty sore for a while afterwards.
     
  3. Super my old chum, that sounds more like a recollection than a second hand story, there is far to much detail. I think it is time to come clean; was it you with the plit hose pipe?
     
  4. Long time ago I did snap the old banjo string, but it tore in stages. Got pissed of with it so went to see the doc.
    It was those days when you went sick and you had to fill in the little form at the reception to state what was wrong with you. Normally the receptionist was a "wife of". Anyway wrote "ripped foreskin". She went more red than me.
    Seen the doc "she" referred me to the sex clinic at MPH (have not got a clue why). Anyway I am thinking "Circumcision" 2 weeks sick leave here I come(excuse the pun).
    Grumpy fcuker of an old Sgt just told me to use KY. So arrived back at my girlfriends complete with one tube of KY. My first introduction to the trademans entrance. Banjo string never split again :lol:
     
  5. No in the words of Shaggy and Tony 'the cnut' B Lair, 'It wasn't me' Terry is now a prison officer in the sarf of England. I still keep in touch and he still gives a good account of the episode after a few rounds of drinks.


    My Banjo string has never been damaged in action, its more like a mooring rope for the QE2 than a string :D
     
  6. I snapped mine barebacking an ex bird, she had a fanny like a hamsters ear and gripped my splurdge gun like a set of molegrips!

    It was dark, and I was hammering away, when I came up against some resistance, I 'fought through' and the resistance gave way with some discomfort.

    I realised she was getting very very wet and assumed it to be down to my studley performance.

    but when I turned the light on on was like Jeffery Dahmers fridge!

    Didn't stop bleeding for hours!
     
  7. 8O How did you get Terry's Medical Record photos Stoat!!!!
     
  8. not only did i rip my banjo to shreds, my cock ring was torn out as well!!! never go in dry lads!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  9. grab_a_spoon wrote:


    Next time use KY on his ass :lol:
     
  10. please dont confuse your sexual preferance with mine!
    although i was expecting some weird homo remark from someone, i guess it just had to be you!


    congratulations!! :!:
     
  11. Do I win a prize then, arrsewipe :D
     
  12. Great story, Poor bast@rd

    Now this is a good thread :lol:
     
  13. give me your address and i'll send you my old cock ring, a used c.d and some coat hangers. happy?
     
  14. Don't forget a tube of astroglide and an enema bag because you care to send the very best!

    :wink: