Antisocial behaviour - what to do

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by MrPVRd, Mar 25, 2005.

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  1. Some young rapscallions took it upon themselves to adorn one of my windows with a ballistic egg. I pursued the fleet-footed little wretches with my trusty 3-foot beating stick to no avail, and phoned the local constabulary. Upon asking if the boys in blue would come and arrest the imps if I managed to catch them, I was informed that I should not do this as I could be arrested myself.

    This leaves me with a dilemma. Hopefully the sight of a stick-wielding maniac will deter further outrages, but if not then what to do?

    Do I:

    a. Pursue and apprehend the spawn of Satan before calling the coppers and relying on their good judgement.

    b. Pursue the goblins and administer some "community justice" - perhaps an armlock until the creature cries - and consider the matter closed, with the contingency plan of blatantly lying to the officers of the law if they are called and relying on the prospect of any jury believing an ex-serviceman with a spotless record over some filthy minichavs.

    c. Sit meekly and allow my house to become an egg-magnet.

    I am inclined to option b, particularly as any prosecution is likely to be dropped if I maintain a policy of outraged non co-operation with the law and insist on going all the way through the legal system!

    Advice most welcome!
  2. Buy a balaclava.
  3. I think you should adopt a policy of measured retaliation.

    1. Wait for the oiks to egg your house again.
    2. Follow them stealthily back to their council flat.
    3. Fire-bomb it.
  4. In your situation, I would probably consider option (b) to be the best bet. Otherwise, there's always the option of an Ultimate Shovel Recce at 0-dark-hundred to the middle of a large forest 8O :twisted:
  5. There's woodland close by and I have a shovel.... :twisted:
  6. Buy the balaclava. Buy some cheap coveralls, gloves and daps (things you can afford to destroy later) and a binliner.

    Find out where one of them lives , the perceived ring leader preferably. Pop out one night and wait for him somewhere (don't use your car) on his route home, some where he is guaranteed to be alone. Beat the sh*t out of him. Don't talk to him. The silence will terrify him.

    Get the fuck out of it quick (have a planned route). Have a place outside where you can take the coveralls off and change your shoes. Do not go near your house wearing your 'assault' clothing. Place the coveralls gloves, balaclava and old daps into the bin liner.

    Go home, put binliner in the boot of your car and drive for about 50 miles. Dump clothes an shoes in seperate locations over a 20 or so mile radius.

    Drive home.

    Wash clothes and clean the shoes you wore under the coveralls wearing or bin them (preferably the last option).

    Have an egg free window.
  7. Speak to Cutaway reference above :D

    If you give do nothing they will get bored, chase them and they will return out of boredom for the thrill.

    Many mons ago a few kids were playing football next to my abode and the ball kept hitting the car / windows etc

    I went out and asked them civilly to mind out, and got a torrence of abuse in return.

    My immediate reaction was to go over and pick up the pushbikes they were using as goal posts and hurl them over the adjoining ten foot fence, followed by thier coats, then I stood in a rage and threatened to carve thier ears off if they ever returned.

    My tyres were let down every night for more than a month and each time I went to work the little cnuts still played football. :D
  8. That could ensure they'll come back, although if they are very young it may have scared them enough.

    Did they target other houses, or just yours?

    Chances are if they do it again, it will be around the same time of day.
  9. Remember, the law's on their side (it's Bliar's chav paradise, y'know), so raise a lynch mob & string them from some tall trees :D
  10. find out who the parents are and phone soical services suggesting satanic abuse :twisted:
    result kids taken into care :twisted:
  11. I would like to say "b" is the prefered option but alas not in this day and age.

    LOL Biscuits You watch too many movies mate, or hang around with sneakys :D

    You could set up an OP and video the chavs pelting your upvc, seems to be the way ahead at the mo.
  12. Buy a BB gun. Set up a hide close to your home, when you see them egging your house, BB the little f*ckers into the middle of next week.
  13. Instead of BBs try rock salt
  14. msr

    msr LE

    Or just sit tight, as the Easter holidays will be over soon and you will gain a few months respite until the summer holidays.

  15. Biscuits.. 8O

    The Old bill have a number of missing person they wish to talk to you about, in some cases going back a few years.

    You don't do this sort of thing for a living do you 8O