Some young rapscallions took it upon themselves to adorn one of my windows with a ballistic egg. I pursued the fleet-footed little wretches with my trusty 3-foot beating stick to no avail, and phoned the local constabulary. Upon asking if the boys in blue would come and arrest the imps if I managed to catch them, I was informed that I should not do this as I could be arrested myself. This leaves me with a dilemma. Hopefully the sight of a stick-wielding maniac will deter further outrages, but if not then what to do? Do I: a. Pursue and apprehend the spawn of Satan before calling the coppers and relying on their good judgement. b. Pursue the goblins and administer some "community justice" - perhaps an armlock until the creature cries - and consider the matter closed, with the contingency plan of blatantly lying to the officers of the law if they are called and relying on the prospect of any jury believing an ex-serviceman with a spotless record over some filthy minichavs. c. Sit meekly and allow my house to become an egg-magnet. I am inclined to option b, particularly as any prosecution is likely to be dropped if I maintain a policy of outraged non co-operation with the law and insist on going all the way through the legal system! Advice most welcome!