Another walt exposed

#21
theoriginalphantom said:
I found the article almost amusing, untill reading this part

"And he was placed on the sex offenders' register in 1999 for an unspecified offence."
Well spotted phantom.

I find it strange that the emphasis of the story is that he lied to women.
Hallo, that's not news, that's a life style, a career move or just good old fashioned bullshite.

The fact that some sad fcuker bimbles into the pish smelling lift every morning, heads to work to knock up a lorry load of cheese and tomato and crawls back up his hole, dodging the neds and early enough that the the nightcrawlers aren't about yet, that doesn't really bother me that much.

Strange story, he's a bit of a lad, a fcuking lot of a Walt but he's also a bit of a perv.
I would like to know why but then that would have perhaps ruined the story.

Fcuking journos.
 
#22
i can sadly lay claim to personally knowing a Walt. :?
He used to use the line that he was in the SAS to get into all sorts of sets of knickers - he was actually v successful :cry: .
He then joined the Army and the regular supply of puntang dried up (so to speak) :!: :!: .
What was rather amusing was that he then went on to fail selection!!!! :p
 
#23
mistersoft said:
theoriginalphantom said:
I found the article almost amusing, untill reading this part

"And he was placed on the sex offenders' register in 1999 for an unspecified offence."
Well spotted phantom.

I find it strange that the emphasis of the story is that he lied to women.
Hallo, that's not news, that's a life style, a career move or just good old fashioned bullshite.

The fact that some sad fcuker bimbles into the pish smelling lift every morning, heads to work to knock up a lorry load of cheese and tomato and crawls back up his hole, dodging the neds and early enough that the the nightcrawlers aren't about yet, that doesn't really bother me that much.

Strange story, he's a bit of a lad, a fcuking lot of a Walt but he's also a bit of a perv.
I would like to know why but then that would have perhaps ruined the story.

Fcuking journos.
It doesn't tell us if he is still on the register either. almost as if its just another piece of dirt they found on him to bulk out the story.
(as if a journo would do such a thing)
 
#24
theoriginalphantom said:
mistersoft said:
theoriginalphantom said:
I found the article almost amusing, untill reading this part

"And he was placed on the sex offenders' register in 1999 for an unspecified offence."
Well spotted phantom.

I find it strange that the emphasis of the story is that he lied to women.
Hallo, that's not news, that's a life style, a career move or just good old fashioned bullshite.

The fact that some sad fcuker bimbles into the pish smelling lift every morning, heads to work to knock up a lorry load of cheese and tomato and crawls back up his hole, dodging the neds and early enough that the the nightcrawlers aren't about yet, that doesn't really bother me that much.

Strange story, he's a bit of a lad, a fcuking lot of a Walt but he's also a bit of a perv.
I would like to know why but then that would have perhaps ruined the story.

Fcuking journos.
It doesn't tell us if he is still on the register either. almost as if its just another piece of dirt they found on him to bulk out the story.
(as if a journo would do such a thing)
He's definitely on the Walt's register.

I've just put him on
 
#25
fartsac said:
i can sadly lay claim to personally knowing a Walt. :?
He used to use the line that he was in the SAS to get into all sorts of sets of knickers - he was actually v successful :cry: .
He then joined the Army and the regular supply of puntang dried up (so to speak) :!: :!: .
What was rather amusing was that he then went on to fail selection!!!! :p
Justice, that's justice.

I could never see what was so tough about Brecon Beacons.

But then I never got out of the car.
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#26
Cnut came up to Orkney a couple of years ago on a "sponsored" walk, made the local paper and got some money of folks. Unfortunately the local paper only comes out once a week and he was off island by the time the deluge of letters came in saying that there was no IRAQ VCs(at that point), his uniform was all wrong, he was obviously an imposter etc, etc.

It would appear he had been around a lot of the UK claiming to be doing some sort of fund raising and thus bumming free hotel rooms as he went.
 
#27
Fang_Farrier said:
Cnut came up to Orkney a couple of years ago on a "sponsored" walk, made the local paper and got some money of folks. Unfortunately the local paper only comes out once a week and he was off island by the time the deluge of letters came in saying that there was no IRAQ VCs(at that point), his uniform was all wrong, he was obviously an imposter etc, etc.

It would appear he had been around a lot of the UK claiming to be doing some sort of fund raising and thus bumming free hotel rooms as he went.
I bet you'll be ready for him next time.

Regards to Skara Brae

I met her on holiday once.
 
#28
Cuchulainn said:
Though I have conned a few english birds whilst there by saying in my best cultured tones "Oh, I work at the embassy, cant say much more! How about another vodka martini?" :wink:
Sometimes the truth, sort of, can do the trick.

I used to be a dustman when many of them started calling themselves Civil Servants. I pitched up at a club, smart whistle, and answer Doris' inevitable question totally deadpan...

DORIS "What do you do?"
ME "I work for the Government."
DORIS "Oh yes...what as?"
ME "I'm a Dustman."
DORIS "Go on...what d'you really do?"
ME "I clear up other people's mess, if you see what I mean."

The last line was delivered looking, without blinking, in her eyes. She thought she knew what I meant and she happened to have a very vivid imagination! I got past the belt on that occasion.
 
#29
Babbo said:
Cuchulainn said:
Though I have conned a few english birds whilst there by saying in my best cultured tones "Oh, I work at the embassy, cant say much more! How about another vodka martini?" wink
Sometimes the truth, sort of, can do the trick.

I used to be a dustman when many of them started calling themselves Civil Servants. I pitched up at a club, smart whistle, and answer Doris' inevitable question totally deadpan...

DORIS "What do you do?"
ME "I work for the Government."
DORIS "Oh yes...what as?"
ME "I'm a Dustman."
DORIS "Go on...what d'you really do?"
ME "I clear up other people's mess, if you see what I mean."

The last line was delivered looking, without blinking, in her eyes. She thought she knew what I meant and she happened to have a very vivid imagination! I got past the belt on that occasion.
Civil servants? Hmmm,

Almost as bad as my mate calling himself a "Textual Communications Distributional Engineer".

He's a Postman.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#30
Biscuits_AB said:
The 'Hostage Terrorism Rescue Team'? Cutaway used to be a Lance Brigadier in them.

Typical sloppy eh? Just couldn't tell her that he flipped burgers.

Oi ! I fecking was too on the HTRT ! Bloody tough it was too.

You can lose gallons of sweat on selection for the Hamburger Turning & Rotating Team.
 
#31
How the Walts would have loved the eighties. Passports had your occupation on them and while I attempted to have Aircraft Technician on mine as I was an Aircraft Technician (of sorts), the inevitable 'Govt Service' appeared on the passport. Not the best occupation to have if you were contemplating travel to anywhere the slightest bit risky. Couldn't understand why they did it (clerks I think) we did pay for our own passports.

I suppose it could have been to eradicate the following :

Witchfinder General
Spy
Secret Agent
Barman
Govt Service (attempted double bluff)
Corporal
Not known

The passports all came back with Govt Service on them.
If I remember correctly, you didn't have to prove your occupation.
The Walts would have loved that.
 
#32
Does anyone know a MP really well, we could ask them to put forward a private members bill. We shall call this the Anti-Walting Act. It shall cover many aspect with a sliding scale of punishment for the type of offence committed. Minor infractions such as posing on face party with a cadet uniform and implying regular service will result in an ANBO (Anti Normal Behaviour Order). A more serious offender will be have their punishment be a decision that will be made by the Judge on counsel from ARRSE, the prescient for this will be found in R V Golden where the Maj Gen Golden BS ASBO, will be taken and forced to traverse the trazisum in front of his little Chavvets and also live on Sky News so the boys in 2 Para can watch the lil sh1t cry his heart out straight afterwards flown to Iraq and sent on patrol in down town Baghdad with his nice Spanish air rifle straight after they have fly posted the pictures and the quotes about "Slotting Ragheads".
 
#33
"I thought he was at least in the military, especially because he had a military-style tattoo. I just figured he exaggerated sometimes."

Sums it up really. One tattoo doth not the man make. I have a tattoo of a dragon on my shoulder. Does that make me:

a) A dragon.
b) St George
c) Welsh
d) none of the above.

Silly bint.

P
 
#34
Well, we've now got a Serious Organised Crime Organisation thingy, to lighten the load of MI5 who need to concentrate on more pressing concerns, so how about a Serious Walt Service ? I'm available to become Director General. As long as I get a 7 inch badge with a flaming sword with wings, surrounded by the Royal Garter and pierced with a lightning bolt. And two crossed canoes. With Para wings. And topped with the Crown obviously. In fact, director General doesn't cut it. How about "W". Or just general?
 
#36
Due to the persistent problems that Walts cause respectable organisations such as ours, 49 Para have decided to finance and run a special unit dedicated to naming and shaming those that mock the honour of serving and ex-serving personnel.

The unit comprises Sid who will monitor all internet activity using his flat above Boots in the high street, particularly monitoring eBay which seems to be the source of merchandise that Walts require to live their lies. Dave and Basher will operate in the field. checking the 'live Walts' who haunt places like the British Legion and Speed Dating evenings. All findings will be reported back to Dusty who replaced Sam. Sam refused the honourary position of Brigadier as he had always wanted to be a General.

Next meeting is at the Squirrel and Truncheon on Wednesday week starting at quarter past eight hours. Arrangements for the battlefield tour of Tidworth have been finalised and tickets are available from any commmitteeee member. The 49 Para t-shirt will soon be available but I would warn members about buying cheap imitation copies. Our source (Dave on the market) sells only the finest products and they are from the finest Kyrgyzstani cotton. KGB Imports Ltd are a reputable firm and there is no truth to the rumours about their alternative activities.

I would remind people that the guest speaker that evening will be Ray Mears' cousin who will detail the early life of the intrepid survival expert. How he burnt the house down cooking sausages, the uselessness of birch bark canoes in Droitwich and his many arrests for carrying a nine inch bladed knife in Woolworth's. A meal of wichety grubs on toast will be provided. Medals not compulsory and machetes by the door please.

St John Walter (Corporal Retired)
Walter House
Walt-on-Thames
England
 
#37


you'd be supprised as to how many of these walts are going around scamming things, not just from silly bints on holiday and/or down the pub, but from military bases (or trying to, anyway).
you have guy rumbled at RAF Big Transport Stn, missus in tow, dressed in cs95, complete with Sgt's rank, MP patch, para wings, SAS para wings & RMP beret (all those wings & looked only 18 years old, for f###'s sake), saying to people he was getting a flight to gibralter. he got rumbled before getting on any flight, but scarpered sharpish before the snow drops got there. :)
you then have a bird who pulled & bedded a squaddie, then told him she was on Rememberance parade the next day & was short of uniform, so could she borrow some combats. the dick says yes (probably still pissed at the time), so she does the walk of shame with a set of '95's over the arm. then starts 'rocking up to various military bases around the UK in cs95, having 'forgotten or lost her id' of course, scaming diggs for several nights at a time. she was succesful at this several times, then rumbled at a RAF Station by a switched on bloke on Guard Duty. :)
the Royal Marine impersonator going around scaming lifts & accomodation from Joe Public, wearing RM uniform or in civies with RM music band wool sweater on 'oh, I'm in RM's & have been robbed, need a lift/accom/scoff/money to get back to my unit at RM or HMS wherever. I'll reimberse you by post asap'. May have got into some MOD bases. may have been caught in 'birds blocks doing the pepping tom bit (this is not confirmed).
Big fat walt up brecon way, complete with Para Reg tattoes & several walt stories about Sierra Leone & things. defrauded Army suplus shop, amongst other things. apparently, the Paras or Army have never heard of him. the walts gone as far as to get walt tattoes for f###'s sake! :)
I have seen bulletines on all these walt f###ers & these are just a few. If you walts are reading this, the Forces are aware of you, we will get you if you try it again at a Base near you!
 
#38
right, mental note, when out on the piss next, find stupid yank bird on holiday .......................

:D :D :D
 
#39
Well, after reading the 1st sight file as a boring cnut on night duty I love the Walt stories...... if only they realised how furkin shyte night duties are.... lol
 
#40
Knew someone in the ta who had a para tat :roll: . Like posing in cbt 95 but not actually doing any field work .Eventually left suposedly to do selection .Was an acf instructor until binned for shagging a cadet .Still out there with his wings on his arm though 8O .
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
184461 Waltenkommando 45
Troy The Intelligence Cell 3
Outstanding The Intelligence Cell 14

Similar threads


Latest Threads

Top