Watching a DVD a last year with Mrs Nogg(MK2), DVD starts and i have to select the language, no English so i highlight Australian and press play, the silly inbred b1tch asks if we will understand the DVD if its in Australian. I spent most of the movie laughing like a madman.
All of the following I have heard in the last few weeks:
"Do we get a choice where we deploy to if we're ever called up?"
Dumb on so many levels.
"Can I exchange this smock for one that fits?"
Supply Cpl suggested the forty-year old bloke would grow into it.
"Can I have some gloves please, the gun-oil always knackers my nail-polish?"
"Why do I have to carry my sleeping bag around with me all day, I only ever use it at night?"
"Why don't FP (Force Protection) get issued SUSAN sights then?"
"Can someone get out and direct me as I reverse? My bun's too tight to turn my head that far round."
"Which of you b'stards drank all my fcukin' orange-juice? I'll fcukin' kill you you c untting fcuker!"
Enraged hungover Sgt who was quite taken aback when someone owned up straight away.
"Non-issue trainers? Don't come running to me if you break an ankle in the gym then."
I SWEAR a Cpl said this to me with a straight face. I thought I'd given myself a hernia trying not to laugh.
"Who knows what a mycardigan... mayorca... myaccordian... fcukin heart attack thing... microdial infraction is?"
"Er, is it a heart attack Cpl?"
Enraged Sgt: "Don't ever let me see you point that fcukin' weapon at someone ever again!"
AC Numbnuts: "What if they're shooting at us Sgt?"
You could hear the grass growing it was so quiet. Enraged Sgt looked puzzled as he tried to work out whether he was taking the piss. Enraged Sgt smiled beatifically, patted AC Numbnuts on the shoulder and muttered something about always needing someone to draw their fire before wandering away giggling....