Yes folks, I've had another one of THOSE weeks. You know the type; something really nice happens and then you have to pay for it with a couple of nasties. You know the really nice things that make you grin inanely, hum tunes from the Sound of Music and want to hug other men? And the nasty ones that find you kicking to death inanimate objects whilst your blood pressure causes your face to boil so badly you could enter a Simon Weston look-alike contest. The type of thing that causes you to contract immediate and full blown Tourettes. The last time was first week in May when I had my 50th birthday only to be tainted by my son getting the sh!t kicked out of him followed by the death of Mizz K13s mother. So here we are in the first week of June and it's fcuking happening again! The nice bit first; having recently took the shilling and signed up to become an 'adult' instructor accountable for the behaviour of some of NE Kentistans finest, I found that me old boots combat high were causing me discomfort due to the spacker status imposed on me. Someone kindly recommended police style boots so I went on line, found some and e-mailed for a cheeky bit of discount. No discount as such forthcoming ... the guy sent me a brand new pair of 60 quid SWAT Originals gratis ... free. Because he is a firm supporter of HM Forces. They arrived the following day and are just what the spacker needed. So I'm walking round with a cheesy grin on my grid for a day ... right up until the speeding fine turned up! I was clocked doing 38 in a 30 zone the day before the funeral of Mizz K13's mum whilst driving around the town to try and get all the arrangements made. I have written a letter in mitigation but expect it to fall on deaf ears â¦ and consequently expect the quadruple penalty of fine, points, insurance premium increase and cost of a new licence in 4 years. That said, although I have resigned myself to this, I canât help thinking how it would have been before Big Brother and the Camera Club descended on us; when police work was done by bobbies who stopped you for speeding. I believe if this had happened, circumstances would have been explained, ear bent and on my way with nothing more than a warning. But then the second nasty appeared today. I went down to ASDA â¦ yes, a criminal offence in its own right, but times is hard for us unemployed! I parked in a spacker spot and spent maybe 15 minutes in the store only to find a parking ticket on my return. No blue badge you see, so you would think bang to rights. But, in my humble defence, the CANUTE had placed the fooking ticket on my seat. Because I rode my trike down town â¦ a trike that is clearly adapted for a disabled rider. If Iâd left my blue badge on it do you think it might still be there when I came back? FFS they will smash your car window to nick one. And to add insult to injury, Wednesday is a free parking day at ASDA which is normally pay and display. I spent a fruitless 20 minutes scouring the local area for the twot whilst clutching my crash helmet in a manner designed to bring maximum violence to his skull, but didnât find him â¦ another letter of mitigation in the post! So there you have it, two offences in a week as I sink into the mire inhabited by the criminal under classes. Should I send my LS&GC back to Glasgow post haste? As this is the NAAFI, I expect lots of sympathy, kind words and virtual hugs â¦ or not!