Another note to journos - 7-62 Competition

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BaldricksBullet, Dec 20, 2006.

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  1. Ok fellas -here goes:

    You've said your bit on the classic thread "A note to journos" (Thanks Fugly) and here's your chance to continue with your creativity:

    Write a limerik - Title: a note to journos

    Best five liner wins a silver plated Zippo engraved with your aka and the limerick on one side and the ARRSE potato-head on the other. Cut off date: Christmas. The winner is the one who makes me laugh most (I know: unfair. But that's life) - keep them cleanish (fat chance) or at leat fun and relevant.

    Best of luck,- C
  2. There was a young Journo called Eve
    Whose writings you wouldn't believe
    She reported the nun
    Who fcuked vicars for fun
    For 'tis better to give than receive
  3. Here you go a quick off the wrist as it were.

    An ode to a journo called Kira
    It is right that all men ought to fear her
    For shes as big as a whale
    And tells a tall tale
    And stinks of stale fish if you go near her.
  4. There was a young lady called Kira,
    For just a few quid you could hire her,
    To surf, cut and paste in journalistic haste,
    The fat f*cking lesbian cake stalking munter.

    (Was it meant to rhyme?)
  5. There once was a journo called Cochrane,
    In the arrse, she is a pain,
    Misquotes and lies,
    And NATO’s stock of pies,
    We shall always treat with disdain.
  6. There is a young journo call Kira
    Who could not get the men to go near her
    She's ungly and fat
    With a bucket like twat
    But she can understand why men fear her

  7. I don't like journolists,
    Slightly less when i am pissed,
    They fcuk us all over,
    Lies mistruths and deciets,
    And i know one that looks like a bit like my dog rover!

    (I spell like a mong, sorry)
  8. Kira Cochrane is a big fat lass,
    she eats pies and she sups Bass
    she got upset when we laughed about the 'brass'
    she went to print and called us crass
    fart and give us a clue we can tell which hole's your ass.
  9. A beer, zwei bier, tre birra
    quatre bières, vijf bier, sei birre
    double vision comes nearer
    yet the message comes clearer
    'drink more beer if you're gonna screw Kira'
  10. An heroic male ARRSER named Fugly
    Took umbrage at articles ugly
    Said he "Shes a moose,
    And her fanny is loose,
    And I think theres grilled cheese on her jubbly
  11. Bill Oddies are squaddies you know
    And loathing inside them will grow
    To proportions immense
    They won't sit on the fence
    On ARRSE in the thread on Journos

    (forgot an apostrophe D'oh :oops: )
  12. She took a blow to the face with a fist
    But the police said to cease and desist
    He said but it's Kira
    So the copper drew nearer
    And laid in the boot to assist

    The fiery look in her eyes
    Suggested she might have found pies
    Some vodka and beer
    Enough crisps for a year
    It's no wonder the fat cow's that size
  13. I know who's made me laugh most so far... :D :D :D

    On a serious note from 7-62:

    Journos please be aware
    To quote from ARRSE with care
    The blokes you insult
    Have guns rounds and bolts
    And plan their revenge with flair :twisted:

    (definitely NOT a winner - didn't even make me laugh and I wrote it... but Nice-One the rest of you... at least one of you deserves the prize.)
  14. Not sure if three verses will fit on the back of a zippo, but this isn't crude enough to win anyway...

    A pointless hack by the name of Cochrane,
    Was recently declared as insane,
    She was driven quite barmy,
    By the men of the Army,
    Who she wrongly believed to be tame.

    Her journalistic technique was a farce,
    To do work she just couldn’t be arsed,
    But she came quite unstuck,
    When by the worst of luck,
    She was harpooned by the members of ARRSE.

    So journos of Britain beware,
    With soldiers you should always take care,
    Taking their quotes without asking,
    And in their light to be basking,
    Shows idleness beyond compare.
  15. A fat lass in black employed as a hack
    visited Greggs bakers one day
    "Steak bake!" she bellowed
    so retorted the fellow
    "Just the one love.... or the whole f*cking tray?"
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