another attemted breakin!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by billyx, Nov 1, 2007.

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  1. Today whilst i was out taking the kids trick or treating` i had yet another attempted breakin!

    This moron has made abit of a mess of the front door with a screw driver,and again failed to gain entry!!(no supprise)
    Before it was the backdoor which is made from this new plastic crap and is actually fairly hard ass!

    But this time i called the old plod `and to my amazement they had a plod car round in less than five minutes! :eek:
    unfortunatly it was a minging female cop who wasn`t very humorous towards my ideas and thoughts on what id do when i caught this scrote in the act!.

    Il have the CSIcomming round tomorrow(narh not really just the crime scene finger print guys comming tomorrow)

    She was very taken with my ferret and the array of sutle home protection items lying in easy to reach places,like my mini sammy sword and 3 fencing swords,a softair m4 and bb pistol and a nasty carpet knife.

    She did however like my cuffs and she seemed interested as to how i had them.
    which i did explain that the cuffs once had pink feathers attached...hehe(those belong to the misses i swear)

    during the visit i asked various questions such as "what if they/he got in and came at me and they/he landed on his own knife etc...(great look i got then)

    anyone got any home protection boobie trap ideas which wont kill or main my own sporn?(or can be rigged on my way out)

    i bloody hate tossers like this and i told the copper i would openly hurt them given the chance (reasonable force as such)

    you can apparently knock them out, but your not allowed to kick them once down and out!(thats what smelling salts for)

    This place is fort knocks and with me inside its sucide, so guess who`s gagging for his return..

    sorry for the punctuation

    spleen vented

    any ideas or torture ideas welcome

    ive got big rons phone number on speed dial and he has his gimp suit and apple ready!!! :twisted:

    the pink PJ`S in the glass display case were alittle tricky to explain but id hidden the rest of maddy so job done!(she was upstairs in the large vase of formaldahyde on top of a heat mat to keep it fresh and warm) :twisted:
     
  2. Homemade claymore behind the door? If he breaks in, it is hardly your fault is it?

    Esp if you put a sign on the door clearly stating there is such a device behind the door.

    Little picture of a guy being shredded, and "No entry" written in several languages.

    Apart from possible illegal explosives, what could they do you for?
     
  3. I found that when i covered my windows in wire, put low wire entanglements in the garden, blocked the doors and started using mouseholes between floors nobody even bothered attempting to break in.

    Maybe it was the mine markers in the garden?
     
  4. the mine markers are a great idea and great for calming the nerves of the neighbours..

    i bet thier cat gets kept in too..

    maybe some punji traps and the claymore idea would work
     
  5. The problem with using bobby traps, swords, knives etc, is that they show premeditation in that you have armed yourself and therefore destroy your self defence argument in the coroner’s court.

    However if you were carrying an item for a viable reason, say a mag-light, and use that to defend yourself with then Bob’s your uncle. Even if it’s a 7 D Cell mag light.

    “I heard a noise downstairs, picked up my torch and went to investigate. Someone jumped out at me and in my defence I hit them with what I had at hand. Honest”

    Translation:
    “I heard a noise downstairs, picked up my big nasty mag-light baton and went to investigate. Found some scrote in my house and beat the living crap out of him with said attitude adjuster. He won’t come back to my house again.”
     
  6. do i understand you like on a mixed chav/patch or are located in civ div.. maybe a camera on the front or back of your house, so you can ID him next time your down the shops... and then........????
     
  7. No you must not kick them once they're down. You must administer the Smelling Salts. I assume that you are using the new suppository type that have to be jammed up their hoop?
     
  8. civ div!

    im kinda hoping the chavs come back for said readjustment.

    i did suggest to the cop about the camera idea and i am also thinking of some pow camp style spotlights and afew brownings to match.

    i may get that doberman yet!

    i may answer my door with a can of cs spray from now on and hopefully it will also make the god preachers f*ck off(damn i missed my trick or treat fun with it!!

    treat or cs spray motherf*ckers,now f*ck off!!

    maybe a sign on the door saying(hospital worker lives here)added with i bring MRSA home with me and a radioactive xray sign next to it from the local ward.
     
  9. When you adjust the atitiude of said breaker-inner, get your missus to smack you in the gob and then say said chav assaulted you so you had to fight back. Get missus to say she was scared of said chav having surprise sex with etc.

    Then enjoy :twisted:
     
  10. rickshaw i think its a good tactic! but i think she would start to catch on with the supprise sex thing, i use this when i accidently slip up the wrong hole during sex (well as shes comming round from the rohipnol anyway)
     
  11. however one problem may exist, the person or person trying to rumble your humble abode may not be able to read english (in fact read at all) so you need to put diagrams up as well. (sorry abour previous entry its early morning).. have any of your neighbours suffered the same
     
  12. rattler,yes the two pert whores next door have had thier door fiddled with and unfortunatly it wasn`t me!

    this time
     
  13. :lol: Doberman with handcuffs with feathers that will sort the scum out, I did buy a dummy camera cost 5 quid used 2 AA batteries has winking light and follows movement, made in China of course. look the part. good luck,what name would you call the dog? dog best insurance,scum dont like dogs, or put up sign dog in house enter at your peril. :lol:
     
  14. i think i may call him cecil or bert

    that will send shivers up thier spines

    another idea i could work on is to use a renta mong from the school up the road.

    big picture of a dribbling mong could do the trick(all mangled teeth and screw`d eyes)
    when its not in use i can abuse it so it feels loved
     
  15. I could always lend you this nasty, evil bastad
    <-----------
    You can have him for a few weeks if you want......